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{\f238\fswiss\fcharset0\fprq2{\*\panose 020b0602030504020204}Lucida Sans;}{\f239\fswiss\fcharset0\fprq2{\*\panose 020b0503030403020204}Myriad Web Pro;}{\f240\fswiss\fcharset0\fprq2{\*\panose 020b0506030403020204}Myriad Web Pro Condensed;}
{\f241\froman\fcharset238\fprq2 Times New Roman CE;}{\f242\froman\fcharset204\fprq2 Times New Roman Cyr;}{\f244\froman\fcharset161\fprq2 Times New Roman Greek;}{\f245\froman\fcharset162\fprq2 Times New Roman Tur;}
{\f246\fbidi \froman\fcharset177\fprq2 Times New Roman (Hebrew);}{\f247\fbidi \froman\fcharset178\fprq2 Times New Roman (Arabic);}{\f248\froman\fcharset186\fprq2 Times New Roman Baltic;}{\f249\froman\fcharset163\fprq2 Times New Roman (Vietnamese);}
{\f251\fswiss\fcharset238\fprq2 Arial CE;}{\f252\fswiss\fcharset204\fprq2 Arial Cyr;}{\f254\fswiss\fcharset161\fprq2 Arial Greek;}{\f255\fswiss\fcharset162\fprq2 Arial Tur;}{\f256\fbidi \fswiss\fcharset177\fprq2 Arial (Hebrew);}
{\f257\fbidi \fswiss\fcharset178\fprq2 Arial (Arabic);}{\f258\fswiss\fcharset186\fprq2 Arial Baltic;}{\f259\fswiss\fcharset163\fprq2 Arial (Vietnamese);}{\f261\fmodern\fcharset238\fprq1 Courier New CE;}{\f262\fmodern\fcharset204\fprq1 Courier New Cyr;}
{\f264\fmodern\fcharset161\fprq1 Courier New Greek;}{\f265\fmodern\fcharset162\fprq1 Courier New Tur;}{\f266\fbidi \fmodern\fcharset177\fprq1 Courier New (Hebrew);}{\f267\fbidi \fmodern\fcharset178\fprq1 Courier New (Arabic);}
{\f268\fmodern\fcharset186\fprq1 Courier New Baltic;}{\f269\fmodern\fcharset163\fprq1 Courier New (Vietnamese);}{\f353\fmodern\fcharset0\fprq1 MS Mincho Western{\*\falt \'82\'6c\'82\'72 \'96\'be\'92\'a9};}
{\f351\fmodern\fcharset238\fprq1 MS Mincho CE{\*\falt \'82\'6c\'82\'72 \'96\'be\'92\'a9};}{\f352\fmodern\fcharset204\fprq1 MS Mincho Cyr{\*\falt \'82\'6c\'82\'72 \'96\'be\'92\'a9};}
{\f354\fmodern\fcharset161\fprq1 MS Mincho Greek{\*\falt \'82\'6c\'82\'72 \'96\'be\'92\'a9};}{\f355\fmodern\fcharset162\fprq1 MS Mincho Tur{\*\falt \'82\'6c\'82\'72 \'96\'be\'92\'a9};}
{\f358\fmodern\fcharset186\fprq1 MS Mincho Baltic{\*\falt \'82\'6c\'82\'72 \'96\'be\'92\'a9};}{\f363\froman\fcharset0\fprq2 Batang Western{\*\falt \'b9\'d9\'c5\'c1};}{\f361\froman\fcharset238\fprq2 Batang CE{\*\falt \'b9\'d9\'c5\'c1};}
{\f362\froman\fcharset204\fprq2 Batang Cyr{\*\falt \'b9\'d9\'c5\'c1};}{\f364\froman\fcharset161\fprq2 Batang Greek{\*\falt \'b9\'d9\'c5\'c1};}{\f365\froman\fcharset162\fprq2 Batang Tur{\*\falt \'b9\'d9\'c5\'c1};}
{\f368\froman\fcharset186\fprq2 Batang Baltic{\*\falt \'b9\'d9\'c5\'c1};}{\f373\fnil\fcharset0\fprq2 SimSun Western{\*\falt \'cb\'ce\'cc\'e5};}{\f451\froman\fcharset238\fprq2 Century CE;}{\f452\froman\fcharset204\fprq2 Century Cyr;}
{\f454\froman\fcharset161\fprq2 Century Greek;}{\f455\froman\fcharset162\fprq2 Century Tur;}{\f458\froman\fcharset186\fprq2 Century Baltic;}{\f470\froman\fcharset222\fprq2 Angsana New (Thai);}{\f480\fswiss\fcharset222\fprq2 Cordia New (Thai);}
{\f501\froman\fcharset238\fprq2 Sylfaen CE;}{\f502\froman\fcharset204\fprq2 Sylfaen Cyr;}{\f504\froman\fcharset161\fprq2 Sylfaen Greek;}{\f505\froman\fcharset162\fprq2 Sylfaen Tur;}{\f508\froman\fcharset186\fprq2 Sylfaen Baltic;}
{\f583\fswiss\fcharset0\fprq2 Arial Unicode MS Western;}{\f581\fswiss\fcharset238\fprq2 Arial Unicode MS CE;}{\f582\fswiss\fcharset204\fprq2 Arial Unicode MS Cyr;}{\f584\fswiss\fcharset161\fprq2 Arial Unicode MS Greek;}
{\f585\fswiss\fcharset162\fprq2 Arial Unicode MS Tur;}{\f586\fbidi \fswiss\fcharset177\fprq2 Arial Unicode MS (Hebrew);}{\f587\fbidi \fswiss\fcharset178\fprq2 Arial Unicode MS (Arabic);}{\f588\fswiss\fcharset186\fprq2 Arial Unicode MS Baltic;}
{\f589\fswiss\fcharset163\fprq2 Arial Unicode MS (Vietnamese);}{\f590\fswiss\fcharset222\fprq2 Arial Unicode MS (Thai);}{\f591\fswiss\fcharset238\fprq2 Trebuchet MS CE;}{\f592\fswiss\fcharset204\fprq2 Trebuchet MS Cyr;}
{\f594\fswiss\fcharset161\fprq2 Trebuchet MS Greek;}{\f595\fswiss\fcharset162\fprq2 Trebuchet MS Tur;}{\f598\fswiss\fcharset186\fprq2 Trebuchet MS Baltic;}{\f601\fswiss\fcharset238\fprq2 Tahoma CE;}{\f602\fswiss\fcharset204\fprq2 Tahoma Cyr;}
{\f604\fswiss\fcharset161\fprq2 Tahoma Greek;}{\f605\fswiss\fcharset162\fprq2 Tahoma Tur;}{\f606\fbidi \fswiss\fcharset177\fprq2 Tahoma (Hebrew);}{\f607\fbidi \fswiss\fcharset178\fprq2 Tahoma (Arabic);}{\f608\fswiss\fcharset186\fprq2 Tahoma Baltic;}
{\f609\fswiss\fcharset163\fprq2 Tahoma (Vietnamese);}{\f610\fswiss\fcharset222\fprq2 Tahoma (Thai);}{\f611\froman\fcharset238\fprq2 Times New Roman CE CE;}{\f612\froman\fcharset204\fprq2 Times New Roman CE Cyr;}
{\f614\froman\fcharset161\fprq2 Times New Roman CE Greek;}{\f615\froman\fcharset162\fprq2 Times New Roman CE Tur;}{\f616\fbidi \froman\fcharset177\fprq2 Times New Roman CE (Hebrew);}{\f617\fbidi \froman\fcharset178\fprq2 Times New Roman CE (Arabic);}
{\f618\froman\fcharset186\fprq2 Times New Roman CE Baltic;}{\f619\froman\fcharset163\fprq2 Times New Roman CE (Vietnamese);}{\f621\froman\fcharset238\fprq2 Times New Roman CYR CE;}{\f622\froman\fcharset204\fprq2 Times New Roman CYR Cyr;}
{\f624\froman\fcharset161\fprq2 Times New Roman CYR Greek;}{\f625\froman\fcharset162\fprq2 Times New Roman CYR Tur;}{\f626\fbidi \froman\fcharset177\fprq2 Times New Roman CYR (Hebrew);}{\f627\fbidi \froman\fcharset178\fprq2 Times New Roman CYR (Arabic);}
{\f628\froman\fcharset186\fprq2 Times New Roman CYR Baltic;}{\f629\froman\fcharset163\fprq2 Times New Roman CYR (Vietnamese);}{\f631\froman\fcharset238\fprq2 Times New Roman Greek CE;}{\f632\froman\fcharset204\fprq2 Times New Roman Greek Cyr;}
{\f634\froman\fcharset161\fprq2 Times New Roman Greek Greek;}{\f635\froman\fcharset162\fprq2 Times New Roman Greek Tur;}{\f636\fbidi \froman\fcharset177\fprq2 Times New Roman Greek (Hebrew);}
{\f637\fbidi \froman\fcharset178\fprq2 Times New Roman Greek (Arabic);}{\f638\froman\fcharset186\fprq2 Times New Roman Greek Baltic;}{\f639\froman\fcharset163\fprq2 Times New Roman Greek (Vietnamese);}
{\f641\froman\fcharset238\fprq2 Times New Roman TUR CE;}{\f642\froman\fcharset204\fprq2 Times New Roman TUR Cyr;}{\f644\froman\fcharset161\fprq2 Times New Roman TUR Greek;}{\f645\froman\fcharset162\fprq2 Times New Roman TUR Tur;}
{\f646\fbidi \froman\fcharset177\fprq2 Times New Roman TUR (Hebrew);}{\f647\fbidi \froman\fcharset178\fprq2 Times New Roman TUR (Arabic);}{\f648\froman\fcharset186\fprq2 Times New Roman TUR Baltic;}
{\f649\froman\fcharset163\fprq2 Times New Roman TUR (Vietnamese);}{\f651\froman\fcharset238\fprq2 Times New Roman Baltic CE;}{\f652\froman\fcharset204\fprq2 Times New Roman Baltic Cyr;}{\f654\froman\fcharset161\fprq2 Times New Roman Baltic Greek;}
{\f655\froman\fcharset162\fprq2 Times New Roman Baltic Tur;}{\f656\fbidi \froman\fcharset177\fprq2 Times New Roman Baltic (Hebrew);}{\f657\fbidi \froman\fcharset178\fprq2 Times New Roman Baltic (Arabic);}
{\f658\froman\fcharset186\fprq2 Times New Roman Baltic Baltic;}{\f659\froman\fcharset163\fprq2 Times New Roman Baltic (Vietnamese);}{\f661\fmodern\fcharset238\fprq1 Courier New CE CE;}{\f662\fmodern\fcharset204\fprq1 Courier New CE Cyr;}
{\f664\fmodern\fcharset161\fprq1 Courier New CE Greek;}{\f665\fmodern\fcharset162\fprq1 Courier New CE Tur;}{\f666\fbidi \fmodern\fcharset177\fprq1 Courier New CE (Hebrew);}{\f667\fbidi \fmodern\fcharset178\fprq1 Courier New CE (Arabic);}
{\f668\fmodern\fcharset186\fprq1 Courier New CE Baltic;}{\f669\fmodern\fcharset163\fprq1 Courier New CE (Vietnamese);}{\f671\fmodern\fcharset238\fprq1 Courier New CYR CE;}{\f672\fmodern\fcharset204\fprq1 Courier New CYR Cyr;}
{\f674\fmodern\fcharset161\fprq1 Courier New CYR Greek;}{\f675\fmodern\fcharset162\fprq1 Courier New CYR Tur;}{\f676\fbidi \fmodern\fcharset177\fprq1 Courier New CYR (Hebrew);}{\f677\fbidi \fmodern\fcharset178\fprq1 Courier New CYR (Arabic);}
{\f678\fmodern\fcharset186\fprq1 Courier New CYR Baltic;}{\f679\fmodern\fcharset163\fprq1 Courier New CYR (Vietnamese);}{\f681\fmodern\fcharset238\fprq1 Courier New Greek CE;}{\f682\fmodern\fcharset204\fprq1 Courier New Greek Cyr;}
{\f684\fmodern\fcharset161\fprq1 Courier New Greek Greek;}{\f685\fmodern\fcharset162\fprq1 Courier New Greek Tur;}{\f686\fbidi \fmodern\fcharset177\fprq1 Courier New Greek (Hebrew);}{\f687\fbidi \fmodern\fcharset178\fprq1 Courier New Greek (Arabic);}
{\f688\fmodern\fcharset186\fprq1 Courier New Greek Baltic;}{\f689\fmodern\fcharset163\fprq1 Courier New Greek (Vietnamese);}{\f691\fmodern\fcharset238\fprq1 Courier New TUR CE;}{\f692\fmodern\fcharset204\fprq1 Courier New TUR Cyr;}
{\f694\fmodern\fcharset161\fprq1 Courier New TUR Greek;}{\f695\fmodern\fcharset162\fprq1 Courier New TUR Tur;}{\f696\fbidi \fmodern\fcharset177\fprq1 Courier New TUR (Hebrew);}{\f697\fbidi \fmodern\fcharset178\fprq1 Courier New TUR (Arabic);}
{\f698\fmodern\fcharset186\fprq1 Courier New TUR Baltic;}{\f699\fmodern\fcharset163\fprq1 Courier New TUR (Vietnamese);}{\f701\fmodern\fcharset238\fprq1 Courier New Baltic CE;}{\f702\fmodern\fcharset204\fprq1 Courier New Baltic Cyr;}
{\f704\fmodern\fcharset161\fprq1 Courier New Baltic Greek;}{\f705\fmodern\fcharset162\fprq1 Courier New Baltic Tur;}{\f706\fbidi \fmodern\fcharset177\fprq1 Courier New Baltic (Hebrew);}{\f707\fbidi \fmodern\fcharset178\fprq1 Courier New Baltic (Arabic);}
{\f708\fmodern\fcharset186\fprq1 Courier New Baltic Baltic;}{\f709\fmodern\fcharset163\fprq1 Courier New Baltic (Vietnamese);}{\f721\fmodern\fcharset238\fprq1 Lucida Console CE;}{\f722\fmodern\fcharset204\fprq1 Lucida Console Cyr;}
{\f724\fmodern\fcharset161\fprq1 Lucida Console Greek;}{\f725\fmodern\fcharset162\fprq1 Lucida Console Tur;}{\f731\fswiss\fcharset238\fprq2 Lucida Sans Unicode CE;}{\f732\fswiss\fcharset204\fprq2 Lucida Sans Unicode Cyr;}
{\f734\fswiss\fcharset161\fprq2 Lucida Sans Unicode Greek;}{\f735\fswiss\fcharset162\fprq2 Lucida Sans Unicode Tur;}{\f736\fbidi \fswiss\fcharset177\fprq2 Lucida Sans Unicode (Hebrew);}{\f741\fswiss\fcharset238\fprq2 Verdana CE;}
{\f742\fswiss\fcharset204\fprq2 Verdana Cyr;}{\f744\fswiss\fcharset161\fprq2 Verdana Greek;}{\f745\fswiss\fcharset162\fprq2 Verdana Tur;}{\f748\fswiss\fcharset186\fprq2 Verdana Baltic;}{\f749\fswiss\fcharset163\fprq2 Verdana (Vietnamese);}
{\f751\fswiss\fcharset238\fprq2 Arial Black CE;}{\f752\fswiss\fcharset204\fprq2 Arial Black Cyr;}{\f754\fswiss\fcharset161\fprq2 Arial Black Greek;}{\f755\fswiss\fcharset162\fprq2 Arial Black Tur;}{\f758\fswiss\fcharset186\fprq2 Arial Black Baltic;}
{\f761\fscript\fcharset238\fprq2 Comic Sans MS CE;}{\f762\fscript\fcharset204\fprq2 Comic Sans MS Cyr;}{\f764\fscript\fcharset161\fprq2 Comic Sans MS Greek;}{\f765\fscript\fcharset162\fprq2 Comic Sans MS Tur;}
{\f768\fscript\fcharset186\fprq2 Comic Sans MS Baltic;}{\f771\fswiss\fcharset238\fprq2 Impact CE;}{\f772\fswiss\fcharset204\fprq2 Impact Cyr;}{\f774\fswiss\fcharset161\fprq2 Impact Greek;}{\f775\fswiss\fcharset162\fprq2 Impact Tur;}
{\f778\fswiss\fcharset186\fprq2 Impact Baltic;}{\f781\froman\fcharset238\fprq2 Georgia CE;}{\f782\froman\fcharset204\fprq2 Georgia Cyr;}{\f784\froman\fcharset161\fprq2 Georgia Greek;}{\f785\froman\fcharset162\fprq2 Georgia Tur;}
{\f788\froman\fcharset186\fprq2 Georgia Baltic;}{\f791\fswiss\fcharset238\fprq2 Franklin Gothic Medium CE;}{\f792\fswiss\fcharset204\fprq2 Franklin Gothic Medium Cyr;}{\f794\fswiss\fcharset161\fprq2 Franklin Gothic Medium Greek;}
{\f795\fswiss\fcharset162\fprq2 Franklin Gothic Medium Tur;}{\f798\fswiss\fcharset186\fprq2 Franklin Gothic Medium Baltic;}{\f801\froman\fcharset238\fprq2 Palatino Linotype CE;}{\f802\froman\fcharset204\fprq2 Palatino Linotype Cyr;}
{\f804\froman\fcharset161\fprq2 Palatino Linotype Greek;}{\f805\froman\fcharset162\fprq2 Palatino Linotype Tur;}{\f808\froman\fcharset186\fprq2 Palatino Linotype Baltic;}{\f809\froman\fcharset163\fprq2 Palatino Linotype (Vietnamese);}
{\f841\fswiss\fcharset238\fprq2 Microsoft Sans Serif CE;}{\f842\fswiss\fcharset204\fprq2 Microsoft Sans Serif Cyr;}{\f844\fswiss\fcharset161\fprq2 Microsoft Sans Serif Greek;}{\f845\fswiss\fcharset162\fprq2 Microsoft Sans Serif Tur;}
{\f846\fbidi \fswiss\fcharset177\fprq2 Microsoft Sans Serif (Hebrew);}{\f847\fbidi \fswiss\fcharset178\fprq2 Microsoft Sans Serif (Arabic);}{\f848\fswiss\fcharset186\fprq2 Microsoft Sans Serif Baltic;}
{\f849\fswiss\fcharset163\fprq2 Microsoft Sans Serif (Vietnamese);}{\f850\fswiss\fcharset222\fprq2 Microsoft Sans Serif (Thai);}{\f914\fswiss\fcharset161\fprq2 MAC C Swiss Greek;}{\f921\froman\fcharset238\fprq2 MAC C Times CE;}
{\f924\froman\fcharset161\fprq2 MAC C Times Greek;}{\f925\froman\fcharset162\fprq2 MAC C Times Tur;}{\f1001\fnil\fcharset238\fprq2 MakBodoni-Poster CE;}{\f1004\fnil\fcharset161\fprq2 MakBodoni-Poster Greek;}
{\f1005\fnil\fcharset162\fprq2 MakBodoni-Poster Tur;}{\f1014\fswiss\fcharset161\fprq2 MakCirMiro Greek;}{\f1041\fnil\fcharset238\fprq2 MANTRA CE;}{\f1044\fnil\fcharset161\fprq2 MANTRA Greek;}{\f1045\fnil\fcharset162\fprq2 MANTRA Tur;}
{\f1051\fnil\fcharset238\fprq2 Marbolo-Normal CE;}{\f1054\fnil\fcharset161\fprq2 Marbolo-Normal Greek;}{\f1055\fnil\fcharset162\fprq2 Marbolo-Normal Tur;}{\f1071\fnil\fcharset238\fprq2 MarkerFeltThin CE;}
{\f1074\fnil\fcharset161\fprq2 MarkerFeltThin Greek;}{\f1075\fnil\fcharset162\fprq2 MarkerFeltThin Tur;}{\f1151\fnil\fcharset238\fprq2 MOZAMBIQUE CE;}{\f1154\fnil\fcharset161\fprq2 MOZAMBIQUE Greek;}{\f1155\fnil\fcharset162\fprq2 MOZAMBIQUE Tur;}
{\f1184\fswiss\fcharset161\fprq2 YU L Swiss Greek;}{\f1194\froman\fcharset161\fprq2 YU L Times Greek;}{\f1221\fswiss\fcharset238\fprq2 Arial Narrow CE;}{\f1222\fswiss\fcharset204\fprq2 Arial Narrow Cyr;}
{\f1224\fswiss\fcharset161\fprq2 Arial Narrow Greek;}{\f1225\fswiss\fcharset162\fprq2 Arial Narrow Tur;}{\f1228\fswiss\fcharset186\fprq2 Arial Narrow Baltic;}{\f1233\fswiss\fcharset0\fprq2 @Arial Unicode MS Western;}
{\f1231\fswiss\fcharset238\fprq2 @Arial Unicode MS CE;}{\f1232\fswiss\fcharset204\fprq2 @Arial Unicode MS Cyr;}{\f1234\fswiss\fcharset161\fprq2 @Arial Unicode MS Greek;}{\f1235\fswiss\fcharset162\fprq2 @Arial Unicode MS Tur;}
{\f1236\fbidi \fswiss\fcharset177\fprq2 @Arial Unicode MS (Hebrew);}{\f1237\fbidi \fswiss\fcharset178\fprq2 @Arial Unicode MS (Arabic);}{\f1238\fswiss\fcharset186\fprq2 @Arial Unicode MS Baltic;}
{\f1239\fswiss\fcharset163\fprq2 @Arial Unicode MS (Vietnamese);}{\f1240\fswiss\fcharset222\fprq2 @Arial Unicode MS (Thai);}{\f1243\froman\fcharset0\fprq2 @Batang Western;}{\f1241\froman\fcharset238\fprq2 @Batang CE;}
{\f1242\froman\fcharset204\fprq2 @Batang Cyr;}{\f1244\froman\fcharset161\fprq2 @Batang Greek;}{\f1245\froman\fcharset162\fprq2 @Batang Tur;}{\f1248\froman\fcharset186\fprq2 @Batang Baltic;}{\f1251\froman\fcharset238\fprq2 Book Antiqua CE;}
{\f1252\froman\fcharset204\fprq2 Book Antiqua Cyr;}{\f1254\froman\fcharset161\fprq2 Book Antiqua Greek;}{\f1255\froman\fcharset162\fprq2 Book Antiqua Tur;}{\f1258\froman\fcharset186\fprq2 Book Antiqua Baltic;}
{\f1261\froman\fcharset238\fprq2 Bookman Old Style CE;}{\f1262\froman\fcharset204\fprq2 Bookman Old Style Cyr;}{\f1264\froman\fcharset161\fprq2 Bookman Old Style Greek;}{\f1265\froman\fcharset162\fprq2 Bookman Old Style Tur;}
{\f1268\froman\fcharset186\fprq2 Bookman Old Style Baltic;}{\f1271\fswiss\fcharset238\fprq2 Century Gothic CE;}{\f1272\fswiss\fcharset204\fprq2 Century Gothic Cyr;}{\f1274\fswiss\fcharset161\fprq2 Century Gothic Greek;}
{\f1275\fswiss\fcharset162\fprq2 Century Gothic Tur;}{\f1278\fswiss\fcharset186\fprq2 Century Gothic Baltic;}{\f1281\froman\fcharset238\fprq2 Garamond CE;}{\f1282\froman\fcharset204\fprq2 Garamond Cyr;}{\f1284\froman\fcharset161\fprq2 Garamond Greek;}
{\f1285\froman\fcharset162\fprq2 Garamond Tur;}{\f1288\froman\fcharset186\fprq2 Garamond Baltic;}{\f1291\fswiss\fcharset238\fprq2 Haettenschweiler CE;}{\f1292\fswiss\fcharset204\fprq2 Haettenschweiler Cyr;}
{\f1294\fswiss\fcharset161\fprq2 Haettenschweiler Greek;}{\f1295\fswiss\fcharset162\fprq2 Haettenschweiler Tur;}{\f1298\fswiss\fcharset186\fprq2 Haettenschweiler Baltic;}{\f1303\fmodern\fcharset0\fprq1 @MS Mincho Western;}
{\f1301\fmodern\fcharset238\fprq1 @MS Mincho CE;}{\f1302\fmodern\fcharset204\fprq1 @MS Mincho Cyr;}{\f1304\fmodern\fcharset161\fprq1 @MS Mincho Greek;}{\f1305\fmodern\fcharset162\fprq1 @MS Mincho Tur;}{\f1308\fmodern\fcharset186\fprq1 @MS Mincho Baltic;}
{\f1321\fscript\fcharset238\fprq2 Monotype Corsiva CE;}{\f1322\fscript\fcharset204\fprq2 Monotype Corsiva Cyr;}{\f1324\fscript\fcharset161\fprq2 Monotype Corsiva Greek;}{\f1325\fscript\fcharset162\fprq2 Monotype Corsiva Tur;}
{\f1328\fscript\fcharset186\fprq2 Monotype Corsiva Baltic;}{\f1333\fnil\fcharset0\fprq2 @SimSun Western;}{\f1601\fdecor\fcharset238\fprq2 Allegro BT CE;}{\f1604\fdecor\fcharset161\fprq2 Allegro BT Greek;}{\f1605\fdecor\fcharset162\fprq2 Allegro BT Tur;}
{\f1611\fswiss\fcharset238\fprq2 AvantGarde Bk BT CE;}{\f1614\fswiss\fcharset161\fprq2 AvantGarde Bk BT Greek;}{\f1615\fswiss\fcharset162\fprq2 AvantGarde Bk BT Tur;}{\f1621\fswiss\fcharset238\fprq2 BankGothic Md BT CE;}
{\f1624\fswiss\fcharset161\fprq2 BankGothic Md BT Greek;}{\f1625\fswiss\fcharset162\fprq2 BankGothic Md BT Tur;}{\f1631\froman\fcharset238\fprq2 Benguiat Bk BT CE;}{\f1634\froman\fcharset161\fprq2 Benguiat Bk BT Greek;}
{\f1635\froman\fcharset162\fprq2 Benguiat Bk BT Tur;}{\f1641\fdecor\fcharset238\fprq2 BernhardFashion BT CE;}{\f1644\fdecor\fcharset161\fprq2 BernhardFashion BT Greek;}{\f1645\fdecor\fcharset162\fprq2 BernhardFashion BT Tur;}
{\f1651\froman\fcharset238\fprq2 BernhardMod BT CE;}{\f1654\froman\fcharset161\fprq2 BernhardMod BT Greek;}{\f1655\froman\fcharset162\fprq2 BernhardMod BT Tur;}{\f1661\fdecor\fcharset238\fprq2 Bremen Bd BT CE;}
{\f1664\fdecor\fcharset161\fprq2 Bremen Bd BT Greek;}{\f1665\fdecor\fcharset162\fprq2 Bremen Bd BT Tur;}{\f1691\fswiss\fcharset238\fprq2 CopprplGoth Bd BT CE;}{\f1694\fswiss\fcharset161\fprq2 CopprplGoth Bd BT Greek;}
{\f1695\fswiss\fcharset162\fprq2 CopprplGoth Bd BT Tur;}{\f1711\fscript\fcharset238\fprq2 English111 Vivace BT CE;}{\f1714\fscript\fcharset161\fprq2 English111 Vivace BT Greek;}{\f1715\fscript\fcharset162\fprq2 English111 Vivace BT Tur;}
{\f1721\fdecor\fcharset238\fprq2 FuturaBlack BT CE;}{\f1724\fdecor\fcharset161\fprq2 FuturaBlack BT Greek;}{\f1725\fdecor\fcharset162\fprq2 FuturaBlack BT Tur;}{\f1731\fswiss\fcharset238\fprq2 Futura Md BT CE;}
{\f1734\fswiss\fcharset161\fprq2 Futura Md BT Greek;}{\f1735\fswiss\fcharset162\fprq2 Futura Md BT Tur;}{\f1741\fswiss\fcharset238\fprq2 Futura XBlk BT CE;}{\f1744\fswiss\fcharset161\fprq2 Futura XBlk BT Greek;}
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{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}! Non-commercial edition.
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\par Lidija Rangelovska \endash  write to:
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\par }{\field{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  HYPERLINK  \\l "_Prowling" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch {\*\datafield 08d0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b02000000080000000a0000005f00500072006f0077006c0069006e0067000000}}}{\fldrslt {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \cs15\ul\cf2 
Prowling}}}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }{\field{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  HYPERLINK  \\l "_Getting_Old" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch {\*\datafield 08d0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b02000000080000000d0000005f00470065007400740069006e0067005f004f006c0064000000}}}{\fldrslt {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\cs15\ul\cf2 Getting Old}}}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }{\field{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  HYPERLINK  \\l "_Sally_Ann" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch {\*\datafield 08d0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b02000000080000000b0000005f00530061006c006c0079005f0041006e006e000000}}}{\fldrslt {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \cs15\ul\cf2 
Sally Ann}}}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }{\field{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  HYPERLINK  \\l "_Selfdream" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch {\*\datafield 08d0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b02000000080000000b0000005f00530065006c00660064007200650061006d000000}}}{\fldrslt {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \cs15\ul\cf2 
Selfdream}}}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }{\field{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  HYPERLINK  \\l "_Snowflake_Haiku" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch {\*\datafield 08d0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b0200000008000000110000005f0053006e006f00770066006c0061006b0065005f004800610069006b0075000000}}}{\fldrslt {
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \cs15\ul\cf2 Snowflake Haiku}}}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }{\field{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  HYPERLINK  \\l "_Twinkle_Star" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch {\*\datafield 08d0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b02000000080000000e0000005f005400770069006e006b006c0065005f0053007400610072000000}}}{\fldrslt {\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch \cs15\ul\cf2 Twinkle Star}}}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }{\field{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  HYPERLINK  \\l "_Synthetic_Joy" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch {\*\datafield 08d0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b02000000080000000f0000005f00530079006e007400680065007400690063005f004a006f0079000000}}}{\fldrslt {\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch \cs15\ul\cf2 Synthetic Joy}}}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }{\field{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  HYPERLINK  \\l "_Tableaux_(van_Gogh)" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch {\*\datafield 
08d0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b0200000008000000150000005f005400610062006c0065006100750078005f002800760061006e005f0047006f006700680029000000}}}{\fldrslt {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \cs15\ul\cf2 Tableaux (van Gogh)}}}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s3\qj \li0\ri0\sa120\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\outlinelevel2\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \ab\af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \b\f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 
{\field{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \af35\afs20 \ltrch \fs20 HYPERLINK  \\l "_THE_AUTHOR"}{\rtlch \af35\afs20 \ltrch \fs20 {\*\datafield 08d0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b02000000080000000c0000005f005400480045005f0041005500540048004f0052000000}}}{\fldrslt {\rtlch 
\af35\afs20 \ltrch \cs15\fs20\ul\cf2 The Author}}}{\rtlch \af35\afs20 \ltrch \fs20\charrsid13960214 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053 
\page }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par 
\par 
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053 
\par 
\par 
\par 
\par 
\par 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl-720\slmult0\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \ai\af0\afs64 \ltrch \i\f0\fs64\charrsid11866304 The Suffering of Being Kafka
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053 
\par 
\par 
\par 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \ab\af0\afs28 \ltrch \b\f0\fs28 {\*\bkmkstart ShortFictionPG}Short Fiction}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053 
{\*\bkmkend ShortFictionPG}
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \page 
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s1\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\outlinelevel0\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \ab\af35\afs24\alang1037 \ltrch \b\f35\fs24\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch {\*\bkmkstart _A_Beheaded_Cart}{\*\bkmkend _A_Beheaded_Cart}A Beheaded Cart
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch by Sam Vaknin
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \ai\af35 \ltrch \i\charrsid11998602 Read the }{\field\flddirty{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \ai\af35 \ltrch \i\charrsid11998602 
 HYPERLINK "http://samvak.tripod.com/agala.html" }{\rtlch \ai\af35 \ltrch \i {\*\datafield 
00d0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b0200000003000000e0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b4800000068007400740070003a002f002f00730061006d00760061006b002e0074007200690070006f0064002e0063006f006d002f006100670061006c0061002e00680074006d006c00000000}}}{\fldrslt {
\rtlch \ai\af35 \ltrch \cs15\i\ul\cf2\charrsid11998602 Hebrew original}}}{\rtlch \ai\af35 \ltrch \i\charrsid11998602 .
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053 
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }{\rtlch \ai\af35 \ltrch \i\charrsid11998602 (In Hebrew, the word "Agala" means both cart and the feminine form of calf. A beheaded calf is among the sacrificial offerings enumerated in the Bible).
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252 
My grandfather, cradling an infant's crib, departed. Navigating left and right, far along the pavement, he reached a concrete, round, post. There he rested, sheltered from the humid sun by peeling posters for lachrymose Turkish films. He pushed the crib o
utside the penumbral circle and waited.
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \fi173\li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252 
Curious folks besieged the old man and his orphaned frame and then proceeded to buy from him the salted seeds and sweets that he lay, meticulously organi}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch s}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252 
ed, inside the crib. My grandfather smiled at them through sea-blue eyes, as he wrapped the purchased sweetmeat}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch s in rustling brown paper bags.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252 
\par My embarrassed uncles built for him a creaking wooden cart from remaindered construction materials. They painted it green and mounted it on large, thin-tyred, wheels borrowed f
rom an ancient pram. They attached to it a partitioned table-top confiscated from the greengrocer down the lane. Every morning, forehead wrinkled, my grandfather would fill the wooden compartments with}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid6782252 various snacks and trinkets, at pains to separate them neatly. Black sunflower seeds, white pumpkin seeds, the salted and the sweet, tiny plastic toys bursting with candies, whistles, and rattles.
\par Still, he never gave up his crib, installing it on top of his squeaking vehicle, and filling it to its tattered b
rim with a rainbow of offerings. At night, he stowed it under the cart, locking it behind its two crumbling doors, among the unsold merchandise.
\par With sunrise, my grandfather would exit the house and head towards the miniature plot of garden adjoining it. He would cross the patch, stepping carefully on a pebbled path in its midst. Then, sighing but never stooping, he would drive his green trolley }
{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252  a tall and stout and handsome man, fair-skinned and sapphire-eyed. "A movie star" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252 
 they gasped behind his back
. Day in and day out, he impelled his rickety pushcart to its concrete post, there dispensing to the children with a smile, a permanence till dusk. With sunset, he gathered his few goods, bolted the fledgling flaps, and pushed back home, a few steps away.

\par When he grew old, he added to his burden a stool with an attached umbrella, to shield him from the elements, and a greenish nylon sheet to protect his wares. He became a fixture in this town of my birth. His lime cart turned into a meeting spot }{\rtlch 
\af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252  "by Pardo", they would say, secure in the knowledge that he would always be there, erect and gracious. Like two forces of nature, my grandpa and the concrete post }{\rtlch 
\af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252  older than the fading movie posters }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252 
 watched the town transformed, roads asphalted, children turn adults, bringing their off-spring to buy from him a sti}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ck of bitter black chewing gum.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252 
\par Lone by his cart, he bid the dead farewell and greeted the newborn, himself aging and bending. Creases sprouted in his face, around his dimming sights, and in his white and delicate hands.
\par My grandfather had one love: my grandmother. A ravishing, proud, raven-haired woman. A framed retouched photo of her hung, imposing, on one of the walls. In it she stood, defiant, leaning on a carved pillar in a faraway place. This is ho
w he must have seen her at first: a mysterious, sad-eyed disparity between dark and fair. Thus he fell in love and made her his only world.
\par This woman sat by his side, adjacent to his azure pushcart, day in and day out. She said nothing and he remained mute. They just stared with vacuous eyes, perhaps away, perhaps inside, perhaps back, to prev}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
ious abodes in bustling cities.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252 
\par At first, she seemed to like being his sidekick, confidently doling confectionery to toddlers, whose mothers remained forever infants in her memory. Intermittently, she laid a shrivel}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch l}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252 
ed hand on his venous knee, leaving it there for a split, fluttering, second, conveying warmth and withdrawing as unobtrusively. It was enough to restore him to his full stature. But then, the municipal wor
kers came and pasted funereal announcements onto his concrete pole and the magic was all but gone.
\par My grandma withered, dilapidated by this onerous existence. Eveningtime, she would get up and carry her stool afore, clenched in two twiggy hands, tediously 
dragging her reluctant self on the long march home. My grandfather observed her, his eyes a moist, eroding guilt. His disintegrating pushcart, the rain-drenched figure of his loved one, the whizzing torment of the desert winds, the sound of the crackling 
paper bags in her arthritic palms }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252  they all conspired to deny him his erstwhile memory of her.
\par Each morning, my grandfather woke up to study this ageless image as he glided over her translucent skin, high-arching cheeks, and sleep-fluttery eyelashes. He fe
nded off the intrusions of the world as he smoothed the covers and tucked her figure in. Then, he would get up and make her breakfast, arranging ceremoniously her medicines in multicolo}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch u}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252 
red plastic containers on the tray.
\par But my grandma rejected his sunup pleas. She wouldn't go on living. One silent morning, she clung to her sheets and wouldn't rise }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch and accompany him. That day, gre}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252 
y and defeated, my grandpa ploughed the pavement with his barrow, unfolded a worn deck chair, and sank in, awaiting}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  my grandmother's reappearance.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252 
\par When she did not materiali}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch s}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252 
e, he left his post much earlier than usual. He emptied the compartments duteously, packed the unsold goods in large canvas sacks, tidying them away behind the two bottom doors of his cart. He then unfurled a p
olyester sheet above it and sailed home, shoving and cajoling his screeching and scraping workstation.
\par My grandma was in bed, as he had left her, ensconced in blankets, a suicidal tortoise, glaring at the ceiling as it bled in aqueous abstracts. My grandfa
ther parked his rusting, faded, wagon and climbed home. His wife awoke with startled whimpers, tears streaming silently down her creviced face, tearing his heart with the iron grip of festering love. He hugged her and showered her with panicky little kiss
es.
\par She froze and fortified her berth with pillows piled high, staring at him through }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch narrow cracks of oozing sanity.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252 
\par One day, my grandpa, returning in the evening, left his cart outside, uncharacteristically. He entered and, for a few minutes, he and my gr
andmother just watched each other wearily. He extended a calloused hand and she dreamily stood up and escorted him to their porch, which ov}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch erlooked the weed-grown garden.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252 
\par My grandfather draped her shoulders with a knitted woo}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch l}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252 len shawl. He tightened it, an
d then, her shivering hand in his, he sat his love among some cushions he prepared. She glanced aimlessly at a guava tree that shot among the trail of gravel}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch l}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252 
ed stones. My grandfather contemplated her awhile and then, with sudden resoluteness, left.
\par Seconds later he reappeared among the shrubs, saluted her with a sledgehammer he held tenuously with both hands. She strained her face, attentive, consuming his image, like a flower would the sun, or the blind do the so}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch unds.}{\rtlch 
\af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252 
\par Gasping and panting, my grandpa heaved the pushcart to the centr}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch e}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252 
 of the plot. With repeated, furious, blows, he dislocated its wheels and doors. Reduced to splintered wood and twisted metal, he cocooned it in the nylon throw and left it, devastated}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  by the trees.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid6782252 
\par Sitting beside, they watched the setting sun diffracted from the green-hued sculpture in the garden. A smile budded in my grandma's honeyed eyes and spread into m}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch y grandfather's deep blue gaze.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252 

\par The cart stood there for years, disintegrating inexorably beneath its blackening shield. It
s wheels, now rooted in the soil, it sank into the mildewed ground, another, peculiarly shaped sapling. My grandpa never adjusted the synthetic sheet that swathed it, nor did he}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  dig out the burgeoning wheels.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid6782252 
\par My grandpa was visiting a pharmacy, replenishing her medications, when my grandma died. With the dignity of the indigent, he never bargained, never raised his voice. Packed in small, white, paper bags, he rushed the doses t}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
o his wife, limping and winded.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252 
\par T
his time the house was shuttered doors and windows. My grandma wouldn't respond to his increasingly desperate entreaties. He flung himself against the entrance and found her sprawled on the floor, her bloodied mouth ajar. As she fell, she must have hit he
r head against the corner of a table. She was baking my grandfather his favo}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch urite pastries.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252 
\par Her eyes were shut. My grandpa knew she died. He placed her remedies on the floured and oiled table and changed into his best attire. Kneeling beside her, he gently wiped clean my grandma's hands and mouth and head and cl}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
othed her in her outdoors coat.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252 
\par His business done, he lay besides her and, hugging her frail remains, he shut his eyes.
\par My uncles and aunts found t}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch hem, lying like that, embraced.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252 
\par My grandparents' tiny home was government property and was reclaimed. The sanitary engineers, revolted, removed from the garden the worm-infested, rotting relic and the putrid sheet concealing it.
\par The next day, it was hauled by sturdy garbage collectors into a truck and, with assorted other junk, incinerated.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }{\field\flddirty{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch HYPERLINK  \\l "_C_O_N"}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch {\*\datafield 08d0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b0200000008000000070000005f0043005f004f005f004e000000}}}{\fldrslt {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \cs15\ul\cf2 Return}}}{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \page 
\par 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s1\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\outlinelevel0\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \ab\af35\afs24\alang1037 \ltrch \b\f35\fs24\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch {\*\bkmkstart _Language_of_Black}{\*\bkmkend _Language_of_Black}Language of Black and Red
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch by Sam Vaknin
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par 
\par 
\par 
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252 Eli and I sit on ladder-backs next to a luxurious roulette in a casino in {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}Spain{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}
. I can almost pick glitters 
from the heavy, lowered chandeliers. I can practically touch the shiny wooden wheel. I can see the croupier's manicured nails. Lithe young bellhops, clad in ornamental uniforms, place trays on gypsum pillars next to our chairs. We fervently gulp the champ
agne from the tall, prismatic glasses and}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  nibble at the tiny sandwiches.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \fi173\li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252 We are that lucky that we dare not leave the table,}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
 not even to relieve ourselves.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252 
\par Piles of shiny square chips represent our exceptional streak of winnings. The table supervisor looks 
very anxious. He shifts restlessly on his elevated seat, hawk-eyeing everyone malevolently. Sure enough, he doesn't like us. He clears all other players, letting us bet in splendid isolation, facing each other.
\par Eli's upper lip and temples glisten. My armpi
ts ooze the acrid smell of manly perspiration. Easy to tell we are tense or apprehensive or both. We evade each other's gaze. Our hands are shaking and the boys keep pumping us with increasingly inebriating drinks. They want us under the influence. They w
ant us to cough up everything we have and then some. We want to win. We want the casino broke. Our differences are profoundly irreconcilable.
\par Eli is a quarter of a tough century my senior. His life-swept face is haggard, straggly and raven eyebrows, lips cruel and eyes chillingly penetrating. He finds his sense of humo}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch u}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252 
r irresistible. It often is.
\par My baby face is framed by the plastic quadrangles of my glasses. I broadcast innocence and guile. The reactions I provoke are mixed. Some sense my vulnerability and hasten to protect me. Others find my haughty slyness loaths}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
ome. I guess I conjure my defencelessness to con my victims.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252 
\par It may prove unhealthy to lose our sponsors' money. These people are charm itself and sheer delight }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252  until you breach their pockets. 
They tend to lose their fabled equanimity. They regard business losses as hostile acts and the perpetrators as lethal enemies. So, they strike first, giving you no chance to err, to apologi}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch s}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252 
e, to scrutini}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch s}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252 e.
\par We are piling on not be piled in. The dough is m
ultiplying. What if we lose? Eli says he has this thing going for him tonight, a wild card, from nature, and he does not dream to stop even though we reek of the casino's funds, even though two Spanish beauties resolutely scramble over him and heavies in 
bursting s}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch uits forage around obtrusively.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252 
\par Eli's protruding eyes fixated on the wheel, mesmerically attempting to bring it to a favo}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch u}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252 red halt.
\par It smoothly winds down and Eli ignores my furious pestering: our underwriters invested to test and implement a betting method I developed. "I am offended" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252 
 I whisper, he ignores me. A febrile Eli has bonded with the table and every numbe}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch r wins, especially his choices.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252 
\par "Twenty eight!" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252  he hisses, sidestepping the croupier to fetch his gains. He sprawls on the green fe
lt surface and lovingly enfolds the clacking tokens. Reclining, eyes shut agloat, he savo}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch u}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252 
rs his unaccustomed fortune. For he deserves a break. To Eli, this is not a game or, as I regard it, merely a}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch nother path to self-enrichment.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252 
\par To him, it is a sweet revenge for all the years he wasted, vending decaying fruits, along dusty and sizzling highways. This loot proves his detractors wrong. It loudly states, in black and red: I am here, not to be snubbed.
\par "Let's play some baccarat" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252  he sneers }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252  "I am tired of this game."
\par We stretch our limbs and Eli surveys the killing fields we leave behind. He tremulously stacks the chips on one another, by size and then by colo}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch u}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252 
r. We carry them with trepidation all the way to the cashier and convert them to pesetas. Eli halves the tottering mound. He entreats me to deposit one of the two resulting heaps in the strongbox in our room.
\par He pleadingly commands me:
\par "No matter how much I beg and threaten, order or cajole }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252  do not be tempted to obey me. Do not bring down this money."
\par I }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch eagerly acquiesce.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252 
\par "And now" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252  he rubs his hands }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252 
 "Let's fry this fish in its own fat. Let's use some of the profits to dine in the casino's restaurant. Do you know that eateries in gambling dens are the best in the world?"
\par I don't. It is my first trip away from {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}Israel{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}. But he is right, the food is mouth}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch -}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid6782252 watering. A gypsy band of v}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch iolins plays in the background.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252 
\par Now, cleaned out gamblers alight by our burdened table and pat Eli's upright back. They greet him eagerly, as though, through
 him, they humble the much unloved establishment. They questioningly glance at me, a cold appraising look. They recount how they turned pros and swap the numbers of their rooms in th}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch e hotel above the gaming halls.}{\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch \charrsid6782252 
\par They sound content but look harassed and w
iry. Involuntary ticks ravage their hands and faces. They all sport golden rings, red necks enchained with chokers. Their eyes dart restively. They sound as though they are listening and nod their heads in places, right and wrong }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252  but they are distant. Minute or two of pleasantries and off t}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch hey go to haunt another patron.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252 
\par The dinner over, Eli fires up a black cigar and sighs. He casts an ominous stare at me for daring to suggest we call it a day.
\par "Don't be a jinx!" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252  he rasps }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252  "You don't retire on a night
 like this with Lady Luck herself in partnership. These are the kind of early hours that casinos fear, I tell you" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252 
 and he goes on to rattle off the names of acquaintances turned millionaires. The next day they reverted, he ruefully admits. "Too greedy" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252  is his verdict }{\rtlch 
\af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252  "Didn't know when to stand up}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch .}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252 "
\par Now that we've won, can we try out my method?
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch He snorts.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252 
\par "It puts me to sleep, your martingale" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252  he grunts }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252 
 "Its slowness drives me to distraction. I came here to enjoy myself, not just to profit. If you insist, here is some cash. Go, play your darned system. Just do me a favo}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ur, stray to another table."}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid6782252 
\par Eli, returning to our first roulette, is greeted with regal pomp. I wander to a further board with lower minimum wagers. I squash my way into a raucous mo
b. They screech and squeal with every spin. I place some of my meager funds on red. Despite the tiny sum and nearly equal chances }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252 
 I waver nauseous and scared. Until the ball reposes and the croupier}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  announces black. Twenty eight.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252 
\par I lost.
\par Another dose on 
red, just slightly larger. Another anxious wait while the croupier employs a silver rake to place the bets. I sneak a peek at Eli's table. It's hard to tell his state. His body tilts in zealous inclination, his shaded eyes impale the imperturbable dealer,
 his twitchy hands engulf the cards doled out from the "shoe". It's "21" or Black}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch jack, a pretty basic card game.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252 
\par On certain rounds, Eli presents his palm, two of its fingers pointing at the "shoe". The dealer acknowledges him discreetly and draws the cards.
 He lays them gingerly in front of Eli who, exultant, gathers his winnings and tips the grateful worker. I can relax.
\par My tiny gains accumulate. The hours pass, the tables empty, it's only I and the croupier. My capital is nearly doubled. Eli, his countenan
ce spent, keeps gambling. His bobbing head recoils as he awakes from interrupted slumber. It's just the two of us against the weary staff.
\par As autumn night is pierced by moonlight, the practiced smiles are lifted, wiped is the feigned civility of all involv
ed. Players and house alike frantically observe each card, each turn of the wheel, the rested ball, the flickering digits of the stressed croupier. We shut our bloodshot eyes between one twirl and another, in intervals when cards aren't}{\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch  dealt and profits aren't paid.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252 
\par Fatigue-glued to my chair I find it hard to stoop and place the wagers on the fluctuating squares of the roulette board. Eli wobbles towards me, his loosened tie dangling on his much-stained shirt. He undoes the upper but}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
tons and slumps onto a lounger.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252 
\par The presence of his silence compels me to skip the coming spin. I half turn towards him, rubbing my eyes with sticky hand. We stare at the tarnished carpet until he mutters:
\par "I am left with nothing."
\par And then:
\par "Go get the money from the safe."
\par But then he had instructed me to ignore such orders. Using my method, I have doubled our funds and more while Eli lost all our money overnight. I feel wrath-struck. I want to grab him by his tainted collar and shake him till it hurts. Instead, I rise, my 
legs a wobbly and oedematous mass. I stumble hesitantly until the pains subside and I can properly walk, toes hard on heels, to the elevator bank.
\par When I am back, Eli is slouched, position same, and snores. I could refrain from rousing him, say that I fell 
asleep in our room, that I lost the key to the safety deposit box, that I stirred him up but he wouldn't budge, I could come up with anything I damn well please, now that he is sound asleep }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch \charrsid6782252  he will thank me for it, he will want to believe me. It is our last chance.
\par I regard the rustling plastic bag. I feel the greenish notes inside. Then I jiggle Eli's shoulder. He comes to in panic, surveying the alien landscape. Then, mechanically, he snatches our neatly packed reserve and falters towards his table.
\par I bide the time to his return, eyes glazed, lip}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch s forced into a tortuous smile.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252 
\par "It's over" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252  he mumbles }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252  "let's get out of here."
\par I collect my winnings from the board and proudly display them. He snickers:
\par "Less than my losses in every minute of this cursed evening."
\par But that is all we have. We pack our meager belongings and sneak through the back door to the taxi at the head of a nocturnal queue. Eli sprawls across the upholstered back seat for a quick shut-eye. I give the driver the name of our hotel at the
 heart of {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname State}}Madrid{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose} and he embarks on the twistin}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch g byways of the mountain slope.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252 
\par Midway, Eli stops the cab and throws up through the semi lowered pane. The irate cabby refuses to proceed. He points to an antiquated manual meter and demands his fee. I pay him and with emphatic whoosh he }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
vanishes behind a gloomy curve.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252 
\par Eli and I, left crouching on a foreign hillside, far from any settlement, the night a velvet murk. Eli ascends the road, takes me in tow, two Chaplinesque figures in bargain-basement sui
ts and fluttering cravats. The hours pass and we are no closer to our destination. A rising s}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch un daubs us with pink and wine.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252 
\par Eli turns to me and vows:
\par "From now on we play only with your system, Shmuel, I swear to you, only your martingale."
\par I don't respond. I distrust Eli's ability to keep his promises. This pledg}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch e came unsolicited and useless.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252 
\par Eli drags his feet laboriously, wipes tears from reddened eyes and moans:
\par "Only your way, I guarantee, never again just gambling wildly. We wager on your brain and 
win, we win a lot, I'm talking millions. We won't know what to do with it, I'm telling you. After all, how many steaks can one consume? With mushrooming gains, we will occupy the best hotels and bang the greatest stunner}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
s, and wear the chicest clothes\'85}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252 "
\par There is such yearning in his voice. I embrace him warmly and I say:
\par "Sure thing, Eli, it's bound to happen. You and I, and screw the world. What you have just described is only the beginning. Just stick to my gambling system and it will turn out fine. Casinos everywhere w}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ill fear us like the plague
\'85}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252 "
\par "The}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252 plague" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6782252 
 Eli reiterates and we stand, cuddled, two silhouettes carved against the inexorably rising day.
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }{\field\flddirty{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch HYPERLINK  \\l "_C_O_N"}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch {\*\datafield 08d0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b0200000008000000070000005f0043005f004f005f004e000000}}}{\fldrslt {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \cs15\ul\cf2 Return}}}{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \page 
\par 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s1\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\outlinelevel0\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \ab\af35\afs24\alang1037 \ltrch \b\f35\fs24\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch {\*\bkmkstart _On_the_Bus}{\*\bkmkend _On_the_Bus}On the Bus to Town
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch by Sam Vaknin
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \ai\af35 \ltrch \i\charrsid11998602 Read the }{\field\flddirty{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \ai\af35 \ltrch \i 
 HYPERLINK "http://samvak.tripod.com/bus.html" }{\rtlch \ai\af35 \ltrch \i {\*\datafield 
00d0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b0200000003000000e0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b4400000068007400740070003a002f002f00730061006d00760061006b002e0074007200690070006f0064002e0063006f006d002f006200750073002e00680074006d006c00000000}}}{\fldrslt {\rtlch 
\ai\af35 \ltrch \cs15\i\ul\cf2\charrsid5135397 Hebrew original}}}{\rtlch \ai\af35 \ltrch \i\charrsid11998602 .
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par 
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 I must catch the city-bound bus. I have to change at the Central Station and travel a short distance, just
 a few more minutes, to jail. The prison walls, to the left, will shimmer muddy yellow, barbwire fence enclosing empty watchtowers, the drizzle-induced swamp a collage of virile footsteps. I am afraid to cross its ambiguous solidity, the shallow-looking d
epths. After that I have to purge my tattered sneakers with branches and stones wrenched out of the m}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ucky soil around our barracks.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \fi173\li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 But there is still way to go.
\par I mount the bus and sit near a dishevelled, unshaven man. His abraded pair of horn-rimmed glass
es is adjoined to his prominent nose with a brown adhesive. He reeks of stale sweat and keeps pondering the clouded surface of his crumbling watch. His pinkie sports a rectangular, engraved ring of golden imitation.
\par The bus exudes the steamy vapo}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch u}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 rs of a m
obile rain forest. People cram into the passages, dragging nylon-roped shopping bags, shrieking children, and their own perspiring carcasses, their armpits and groins stark dark discolorations.
\par All spots are taken. Their occupants press claret noses onto t
he grimy windows and rhythmically wipe the condensation. They explicitly ignore the crowd and the censuring, expectant stares of older passengers. As the interminable road unwinds, they restlessly realign their bodies, attuned to seats and neighbo}{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch u}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 rs.
\par Our driver deftly skirts the terminal's piers and ramps. Between two rows of houses shrouded in grimy washing, he hastens towards the freeway. He turns the radio volume up and speakers inundate us with tunes from the {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}
}Levant{\*\xmlclose}. Some travel}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch l}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 ers squirm but no one asks to turn it down. It is the hourly news edition soon. Thoughts wander, gaze introspectively inverted, necks stretc}{\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch h to glimpse the passing views.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 
\par The broadcast screeches to a sickening but familiar halt. Faint cries, the Doppler wail of sirens, air
 surgically hacked by chopper rotor blades, the voices of authorities grating with shock and panic. The disembodied speech of spluttering witnesses. On site reporters at a loss for words record mere moans and keens. An orgy of smoking flesh.
\par The breaking news has cast us all in mo}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch u}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 lds of frozen dread and grief. Here burly finger poking nose, there basket petrified in midair haul, my neighbo}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch u}{\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch \charrsid8070539 r absentm}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch indedly rotates his hefty ring.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 
\par The announcer warns of imminent terrorist attacks on public transport. It recommends to err on the side of caution and to exhaustively inspect fellow commuters. Trust no one }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  }{\rtlch 
\af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 exhorts a representative of the law }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 
 be on alert, examine suspect objects, call on your driver if in doubt. Pay heed to dubious characters and odd behavio}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch u}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 rs.
\par Our bus is trapped in a honking row of cars, under a seething sun. The baking asphalt mirrors. I am anxious not to be delayed. The wardens warned us: "Never be late. Make no excuses. Even if God himself comes down }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 
\endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539  be back on time." Latecomers lose all privileges and are removed to maximum security in {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname City}}Beersheba}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 
\par I debate the fine points with myself: is mass slaughter ample reason for being tardy or merely an excuse? No force is more majeure that prison guards. I smile at that a}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch nd the tension plexus slackens.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid8070539 
\par A febrile thought:
\par Jailers are ultra right-wing and rabid nationalists. Terrorism must never be allowed to interfere with the mundane, they say. And I rehearse in hopeful genuflection: "You mustn't send a Jewish prisoner to an Arab-infested 
prison. After all, I was held up by Arab assassins who slaughtered Jews!"
\par The legalistic side (they are big on it in penal institutions):
\par How can I prove my whereabouts (on this bus) throughout the carnage? Think alibi. The inmate always shows that he has complied, the warden equally assumes he is being conned, but even he must prove it. A stalking game with predators and}{\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch  prey, but ever shifting roles.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 
\par I rise, prying my neighbo}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch u}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 r loose from contemplation. He eyes me, wicked. I pass a soiled boot above his clustered knees and place it gingerly between two bursting bags. M}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch o
}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 ustachioed women wipe milky exudation from upper lips with blotted synthetic handkerchiefs. They address me in a foreign, gravelling, language. They use elephantine, venous, legs to push aside their luggage }{\rtlch 
\af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539  a gesture of goodwill more than a decongesting measure.
\par I feel the clammy, throbbing breathing of another on my trousers. Thrusting my other leg, I straddle the passage, two Herculean pillars, a {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname PlaceType}}sea{\*\xmlclose} of 
{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname PlaceName}}Mediterranean{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose} groceries between my calves. Toe by heel, I get nearer to the stuporous dri}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ver, a human ripple in my wake.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 

\par "I am a prisoner" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539  I inform his beefy neck.
\par His muscles tense but he does not respond or turn to scrutini}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch s}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 e me.
\par "I am an inmate" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539  I repeat }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539  "Can
 you please confirm by writing in this diary (I point at a grey notepad I am holding) that I was on your bus at this hour? I have no pen" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539  I add.
\par He casts a sideways glance at me, monitoring the hopeless traffic jam from the corner of a bloodshot eye.
\par (Emphatically):
\par "So, you are a prisoner? W}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch hat could you have you done?" (}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 you chalky, myopic, intellectual).
\par Right behind him, a woman past her prime, face coated, breasts nestled in a pointed bra. The driver cannot keep his eyes off them. She, on her part, seems to be fixated on his tensile musculature. They both start at the sound of my voice:
\par "Banks}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ."}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 
\par "Banks!" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539  the driver mirthfully slaps his bulging thighs and the woman chuckles throatily, lips peeled to reveal pink-tainted teeth. "Come over here, I'll sign it."

\par In one untramme}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch l}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 
led motion, he removes a hirsute hand from the oversized steering wheel, takes hold of my jotter, and opens it. Off goes his second hand. He scribbles laboriously, tongue perched on fleshy lips, ending with a flourishing signature.
\par People are murmuring throughout the bus. My answer is equivocal. It could imply armed robbery }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539  or fraud }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch \charrsid8070539  or counterfeit. I may be violent. The innocent looking are the really dangerous. I may even be an Arab, impossible to tell them apart nowadays.
\par A web of mutters spins from crimson lips to hairy ears, from crumb-strewn mouths to avid auricles. I return to my seat, retracing my erstwhile progress, facing the hydra. With the pad in my back pocket, I am calmer. Que serra, serra.
\par At the edge of my awareness a shrill, self-righteous female voice:
\par "Get out now, or I am calling the police."
\par I open my eyes, trying to pinpoint the mayhem. Somewhat behind me, the altercation draws closer, a portly woman pushing aside strap-holding passengers. She is preceded by a far younger female scrambling, expres}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
sion hunted, to flee the bully.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 
\par She passes me by, her coarse contours defaced by agony, wheezing through luscious lips, one hand supporting heavy bust, the other clutching a sheaf of papers densely written in calligraphic Arabic.
\par "Driver" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539  the mob exclaims }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539  "There is an Arab on board!"
\par "Go down! I am not sharing a bus with a terrorist!" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539  a woman screams and then another: "Maybe she is dangerous? Did you frisk her when she boarded?"
\par The driver negotiates the dense circulation, man}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch o}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 
euvring among a fleet of barely visible compacts. The noise distracts him. Without braking, he turns around and enquires: "What is it? What's the matter?"
\par "There's an Arab woman here" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539  one volunteers to edify him }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539  "She
 is aboard the bus and may have explosives strapped around her waist}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch .}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 " "Get her off this vehicle, she may be lethal!" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid8070539  another advises.
\par "I am not forcing anybody down who has paid the ticket!" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539  snaps the driver and reverts to the hazy windshield.
\par A stunn
ed silence. They thought the driver was one of them, he doesn't appear to be a peacenik. Someone latches on to the frontal paned partition and expostulates. "It's not reasonable, your decision. Today, you never know. Even their women are into killing, I s
aw it with my own eyes in {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}Lebanon{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}. They explode themsel}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ves like nothing, not a problem\'85}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid8070539 "
\par The woman who spotted the ostensible terrorist now badgers the driver:
\par "Give me your details. I am going to have a chat with your supervisors. You can forget about this co}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch s}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 y job of yours!"
\par The Arab stands mute, vigilantly monitoring the commotion. A passenger tilts and hisses in her ear: "Child murderer." She recoils from the gathering nightmare and bellows, addressing the jam-packed bus:
\par "I am a nurse. I tend to the sick and frail all day long, both ours and yours. Every day there's a flood of casualties. Our injured. Our corpses. Your injured. Your corpses. Children, women, shreds, all full of blood}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \'85}{\rtlch 
\af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 " }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539  She pauses }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539  "Why do you treat me this way?"
\par Her Hebrew is rocky but sufficient to provoke a heated debate }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch with supporters and detractors.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 
\par "What do you want with this woman? She is just an innocent commuter! Look at yourselves! You should be ashamed!"
\par Others are genuinely scared. I can see it on their faces, the white-knuckled way they cling to the metal railings opposite their seats, the evasive looks, the stooping shoulders, eyes buried in the filthy flooring.
\par She may well be a terrorist, who knows?
\par It is too late to smother this burgeoning conflagration. My neighbo}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch u}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 r exchanges heavy-accented verbal blows with someone behind us. Women accuse each ot}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
her of hypocrisy and barbarism.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 
\par The driver, pretending to ignore us, head slanted, listens in and steals appreciative glances at his voluptuous fawner. To garner his further admiration, she plunges into the dispute, a bri}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch mstone diva with words of fire.}{\rtlch 
\af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 
\par Some passengers begin to push the Arab and shove her with innocuous gestures of their sweaty palms. They endeavo}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch u}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 r to avoid her startled gaze. She tries again:
\par "What kind of people are you? I am a medical nurse, I am telling you. So what if I am Arab, is it automatic proof that I am a terrorist?"
\par My neighbo}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch u}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 r suddenly addresses me:
\par "You've got nothing to say?"
\par "To my mind, if she were a terrorist, she would have blown us all to kingdom come by now."
\par I let the impact of this sane reminder settle.
\par "This bus is bursting. The driver skipped a few stations on the way" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539  I remind them }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid8070539  "She is smack amidst us. She has no bags. She could have detonated herself and demolished us by now."
\par My neighbo}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch u}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 r slaps his thighs with furry hands, a sign of pleasure. I am on his side. Some voices crow, encouraging me to proceed: "Let him continue, go on."
\par But I have got nothing more to add and I grow silent.
\par The Arab scrutini}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch s}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 es me doubtfully, not sure if she understood correctly. Do I suspect her of being a terrorist or don't I?
\par "And who might you be to tell us off, if I may?" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 
 scoffs the woman who started it all. Her voice is screaming hoarse, her face aflame with stripes of lipstick smeared and make up oozing. Three golden bracelets clang the rhythm of her scornful question.
\par "He is a prisoner" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539  announces the 
driver's would-be floozy. She eyes both me and her desired conquest triumphantly. The driver studies her in his overhead mirror, then gives a haunted look. Control is lost. He knows it.
\par "An inmate" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539  shrieks the agitator for all the bus to hear }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539  "The perf
ect couple! A felon and an Arab! Perhaps you are an Arab too?"
\par "I am not an Arab" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539  I respond calmly }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 
 "They are too well mannered for the likes of me and you."
\par She blows up:
\par "Son of a bitch, maniac, look who's talking!" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539  She leans towards me and scratches my face with broken, patchily varnished nails }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 
\endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539  "A prisoner piece of shit and whoring stench of an Arab stink up this bus!"
\par My neighbo}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch u}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 r half rises from our common seat, grabs her extended arm and affixes it firmly behind her back. She screams to her dum
bfounded audience: "They are together in it, this entire group, and they are a menace. Driver, stop this instant, I want the police, now!"
\par I do not react. It was foolish of me to have partaken in this tiff in the first place. Prisoners involved in incidents of public unrest end up spending a week or more in the}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  nearest squalid detention cent}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid8070539 r}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch e}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 , away from the relative safety of the penitentiary. Anything can happen in these infernos of perspiring, drug-addicted flesh, those killing fields of h}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch a
}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 emorrhaging syringes, those purgatories of squeals and whimpers and shaking of the b}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ars, draped tight in sooty air.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 
\par I spent a month in these conditions and was about to return, I feel convinced.
\par The driver brakes the bus, rises, and gestures to the Arab helplessly. She 
tries to extricate herself by moving towards his cubicle. Some women mesh their hands, trapping her flapping arms, flailing about, her cheeks lattices of translucent rivulets. Her fear is }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch audible in shallow exhalations.}{\rtlch 
\af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 
\par But her captors persevere. They clench her scarf and the trimmings of her coat and twist them around the Arab's breathless neck.
\par The driver disembarks through the pneumatically susurrating doors. He walks the gravel path adjacent to the highway, desperately trying to wave down a passing car.
 Someone finally stops and they have a hushed exchange through a barricaded window. The hatchback cruises away.
\par The driver hesitates, his eyes glued to the receding vehicle. He contemplates the hostile bus with dread and climbs aboard. He sinks into his seat and sighs.
\par A patrol car arrives a few minutes later and disgorges two policemen. One elderly, stout and stilted, his face a venous spasm. He keeps feeling the worn butt of his undersized revolver. The other cop does the talking. He is lithe, a youth in 
camouflage, penumbral moustache, anorectic, sinewy hands, his eyes an adulterated cyan. He swells his chest and draws back his bony shoulders, attempting to conceal his meag}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch reness.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 
\par "What's going on here?" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539  his voice a shocking bass. We are silenced by the contrast.
\par The instigator of the turmoil clears a path and fingers his oversized tunic as she volunteers:
\par "She is a terrorist and he is a convict and they were both planning to blow this bus up."
\par "Twaddle!" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539  roars my neighbo}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch u}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 r }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid8070539  "She is a hysterical, psychotic, panicky woman! Look what she did to his face!" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539  he points at me }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539  "An}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch d that one, over there}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 " }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 
 he singles the Arab out with a nail-bitten pinkie }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539  "her only sin is that she is an Arab, a nurse or something, a fellow travel}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch l}{\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch \charrsid8070539 er, paid her ticket like all of us." The driver nods his assent.
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch "I am telling you\'85}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 " }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539  the stirrer yelps but the officer is terse:
\par "Continue behaving like this, lady, and it is you I will arrest for disturbing the peace}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \'85}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 "
\par "Another mock cop" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539  she slurs, but her voice is hushed and hesitant.
\par "Perhaps even insulting a police officer on duty?" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539  the policeman hints and she is pacified, retreating, crablike, eyes }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch downcast, towards her 
shopping.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 
\par "Who is the prisoner?" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539  the veteran cop enquires, his paw atop his gun, caressing it incessantly. I raise my hand.
\par "You are coming with us. The rest continue to your destinations. You too!" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539  he addresses the Arab, his c}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ivility offensively overstated.}{\rtlch 
\af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 
\par "I want no problems here!" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539  he warns }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 
 "It's Friday, the Sabbath is upon us. Go home in peace. The police has more important things to do than to resolve your petty squabbles!"
\par Extracted from my window seat, their fingers vi}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch c}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 elike under both armpits, they half drag me across my neighbo}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch u}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 
r's knees, strewing all over him the contents of the plastic bag in which I keep my wallet and the weekend papers. It hurts.
\par We alight and the young one taps the folding exit doors. The bus drones its way into the sna
ring traffic jam. I watch its back as it recedes. The coppers place a pair of shiny handcuffs on my wrists and shackle my ankles too. I stumble towards the waiting squad car. They unlock the rear and gesture me to enter. They push me from behind and bolt 
the door. The gory rays of a setting sun dissect the murk inside.
\par I see the officers' backs and necks as they occupy the front seats beyond the meshed partition. One of them half turns and spits a snarl:
\par "My partner loves you, Arabs."
\par Only then, my eyes having adjusted, I notice the others in the stifling cabin I inhabit. They rattle their manacles and smile at me }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch wolfishly, a toothy apparition.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 
\par "Where are you from, handsome?" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539  one asks and moves to flank me. His mitt is motionless on my knee.
\par He has an Arab accent.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }{\field\flddirty{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch HYPERLINK  \\l "_C_O_N"}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch {\*\datafield 08d0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b0200000008000000070000005f0043005f004f005f004e000000}}}{\fldrslt {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \cs15\ul\cf2 Return}}}{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \page 
\par 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s1\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\outlinelevel0\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \ab\af35\afs24\alang1037 \ltrch \b\f35\fs24\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch {\*\bkmkstart _The_Butterflies_are}{\*\bkmkend _The_Butterflies_are}The Butterflies are Laughing
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch by Sam Vaknin
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par 
\par 
\par 
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 My parents' home, it is dusk time, and I am climbing to the attic. I settle on my childhood's sofa, whose unravel}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch l}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 ed corners reveal its faded and lumpy s
tuffing. The wooden armrests are dark and bear the scratchy marks of little hands. I contemplate these blemishes, set bright against the deep, brown planks, and am reminded of my past. A light ray meanders diagonally across the carpet. The air is Flemish.
 The fitting light, the shades, the atmosphere.
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \fi173\li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 There is a watercolo}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch u}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 
r on an easel of a thickset forest with towering and murky trees. A carriage frozen i
n a clearing, a burly driver, looking towards nowhere, as though there's nothing left to see. No light, no shadows, just a black-singed mass of foliage and an incandescent, sallow horse.
\par My little brother lies bleeding on the rug. Two gory rivulets, two injured wrists, delineate a perfect circle. They cross his ashen palms and waxen, twitching fingers. It may be a call for help but I have been hard of hearing.
\par I crouch beside him and inspect the wounds. They are shallow but profuse. Red pain has broken past his skin, his face is wrinkled. I wipe him gently, trying not to hurt.
\par He stares at me, eyes of a gammy colt awaiting the delivering shot. He radiates the kind of gloom that spans the room and makes me giddy. I cower to my heels, then squat beside him, caressing his silent scream. My palms are warm.
\par We while the time. His frothy exhalations, my measured air inhaled, our lungs entwined in the proliferating density. The volumes of my childhood mob the shelves,}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  their bindings blue and rigid.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 

\par I look at him and
 tell him it's alright, he shouldn't worry. A mere nineteen, he gives me a senescent smile and nods in frailty. He grasps it all, too much. Shortly, I may have to lift him in my arms and set him on the couch. We are not alone. Echoes of people downstairs.
 I can't tell who. Mother, our sister, Nomi perhaps. Someone arrives and sparks excited speech and lengthy silences.
\par I descend the steps, some hasty greetings, I stuff a roll of coarse, green toilet paper in my pants. Back to the horror, to frisk around the
 crimson wreckage. I wipe my brother wrathfully from floor and carpet and from couch, reducing him to a ubiquity of chestnut stains. I am not content. He is writhing on the inlay, attempting tears. It's futile, I know. We both forgot the art of crying, ex
cept from torn veins.
\par The light is waning. The brown blinds incarcerate my brother behind penumbral bars. His bony hands and scrawny body in stark relief. It is the first time that I observe him truly. He is lanky but his face unchanged. I was no child when he was born but}{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  he is still my little brother.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 
\par He is resting now, eyes shut, our lengthy lashes }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539  both mine and his }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 
 attached to fluttering lids. Birds trapped in quivering arteries flap at his throat. He is sobbing still but I avert my gaze, afraid to h
ug him. We oscillate, like two charged particles, my little brother and myself. His arms by his side and my arms by his side, divergent. I thrust into my bulging pocket a ball of ruby paper.
\par There is a clock in here that ticks the seconds. They used to sound longer. It was another time. The h}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch a}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 
emorrhage stopped. A mournful lace of plasma on his sinewed wrists. It must have hurt, the old corroded blade, no flesh, just coated skeleton. To saw the bones till blood. To hack the skin, to spread it like a rusty bu
tterfly, dismantling slithery vessels. I move to occupy the wooden ladder back, near the escritoire that I received as gift on the occasion of my first year in school.
\par He nods affirmative when asked if he can rise. I hold him under hairy, damp armpits. I c
onfront him, seated on my grandma's rocking chair, a cushion clad in Moroccan equine embroidery on my knees. I gently hold his hand and he recoils. I didn't hurt him, though.
\par I wait for him to break, his hand in mine. Thus clenched, our palms devoid of strength, we face a question and a promise, the fear of pain and of}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  commitment. We dwell on trust.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 
\par He unfists and bleeds anew. I use the paper ball to soak it up. It's dripping. I gallop down the spiral staircase and collect another roll, adhesive bandages, a
nd dressing. Into my pocket and, speechlessly, I climb back. He is sitting there, a Pharaonic scribe, wrists resting on his knees, palms lotus flowers, but upturned. His gifted painter's fingers are quenched in blood.
\par I mop and dab, swab and discard, apply some pressure and erase. My brother is calling me in sanguineous tongue and I deface it, incapable of l}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch istening, unwilling to respond.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 
\par I bind him and I dress and he opens his eyes and gapes at the white butterflies that sprouted on his joints. He feels them tenderly, astonished by this sudden red-white beauty.
\par I count his pulse and he gives in to my pseudo-professional mannerisms. His pulse is regular. He hasn't lost a lot of blood, therefore.
\par He tells me he is OK now and asks for water. All of a sudden, I
 remember. One day, he was a toddler, could hardly walk, I led him back from the clinic. He gave blood and was weeping bitterly. A giant cotton swab was thrust into his elbow pit and he folded hi}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch m arm, holding onto it tightly.}{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 
\par One jerky movement, it fell and he stood there, gawking at the soiled lump and whimpering. He was so tiny that I hugged him and wiped the tears from his plump cheeks.
\par I improvised a story about "Adhesa Cottonball", the cotton monster, who forever wishes to return to the soil, her abode. His eyes cleared and he giggled nervously. This sound }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid8070539  his chuckle }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539  is in my ears, obs}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch curing all real-life acoustics.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 
\par He gulps down the water silently, his eyes a distant blackness, where no one treads but he, his forest, among the trees, perhaps this carriage and its attending coachman. Where does he want to go, I wander?
\par My brain is working overtime. My skull-domiciled well-oiled machine, whose parts are in metallic shine, im
peccable, unerring, impervious to pain. Machines don't ache this brother, sprawled on the couch, his shoulders stooping, in torn shirt and tattered trousers, my erstwhile clothes, his chest hirsute, his face adorned with budding beard and whiskers.
\par What story shall I tell him now to clear his eyes? How shall I make him laugh again? What monster should I bury in the sand?
\par I tell him to pack few things and come with me. He acquiesces but still won't budge. His twin wrist-butterflies are quite inert. He sighs 
as he buttons his shirt and rolls unfastened sleeves to cover his abrasions. When he gets up I see him as before: a gangling figure, an angular face, two cavernous sockets, big brown mole. He drags his feet.
\par We both descend. Don't tell our parents, he begs, I promise not to. Enters his room and exits fast, carrying a small plastic bag with severed handles. A pair of worn jeans spill from the top to cover some half-deleted lettering.
\par We bid farewell and walk placidly to the car. He freezes on the back seat, still cradling his plastic treasure, ga}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch zing forward but seeing little.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 
\par Nomi is driving while I watch him through the windshield mirror. His inanimate stare, directed at the window, is deflected by transparence. Slumped on the imitation leather seat, he and his trousers bump from one side }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
to another on the winding road.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 
\par He falls asleep this way, sack closely clutched, chin burrowing into his hollow torso. At times, he shakes his head in stiff refusal. He is very adamant. Only his hands are calm, as though detached from his rebellious body.
\par Nomi is negotiating the parking and I touch his shoulder. He opens a pair of bleary eyes and looks at me like he used to when I was still his entire world. I touch once more and gently. When he was two years old, I left hom
e for many years, never to be heard from. The hurt resides }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch still in his eyes, that injury.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 
\par I touch a third time, thus pledging to remain, thus telling him my love. I study him at length a}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch nd he does not divert his eyes.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 
\par Suddenly he smiles and dimples collect around his lips. He flings his hands high up and waves his red-white butterflies. He imitates their flight. He plucks their wings. He laughs and I respond by laughing and Nomi joins and the space of our car is filled
 with laughs and butterflies and butterflies and laughter.
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }{\field\flddirty{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch HYPERLINK  \\l "_C_O_N"}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch {\*\datafield 08d0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b0200000008000000070000005f0043005f004f005f004e000000}}}{\fldrslt {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \cs15\ul\cf2 Return}}}{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \page 
\par 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s1\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\outlinelevel0\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \ab\af35\afs24\alang1037 \ltrch \b\f35\fs24\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch {\*\bkmkstart _The_Con_Man}{\*\bkmkend _The_Con_Man}The Con Man Cometh
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch by Sam Vaknin
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par 
\par 
\par 
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 Swathed in luminosity, we stir with measured competence our amber drinks in long-stemmed glasses. You are weighing 
my offer and I am waiting for your answer with hushed endurance. The armchairs are soft, the lobby is luxurious, as befits five-star hotels. I am not tense. I have anticipated your response even before I made m}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch y move.}{\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch \charrsid8070539 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \fi173\li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 Soon, temples sheathed in perspiration
, you use the outfit's thick paper napkins to wipe it off. Loosen your tie. Pretend to be immersed in calculations. You express strident dissatisfaction and I feign recoil, as though intimidated by your loudness. Withdra}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
wing to my second line of defenc}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 e, I surrender to your simulated wrath.
\par The signs are here, the gestures, the infinitesimal movements that you cannot control. I lurk. I know that definite look, that imperceptible twitch, the inevitability of your surrender.
\par I am a con man and you are my vict
im. The swindle is unfolding here and now, in this very atrium, amid all the extravagance. I am selling your soul and collecting the change. I am sharpened, like a raw nerve firing impulses to you, receiving yours, an electrical-chemical dialog, consistin
g of your smelly sweat, my scented exudation. I permeate your cracks. I broker an alliance with your fears, your pains, defen}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch c}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 e compensatory mechanisms.
\par I know you.
\par I've got to meld us into one. As dusk gives way to night, you trust me as you do yourself, f
or now I am nothing less than you. Having adopted your particular gesticulation, I nod approvingly with every mention of your family. You do not like me. You sense the danger. Your nostrils flare. Your eyes amok. Your hands so restless. You know me for a 
bilker, you reali}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch s}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 e I'll break your heart. I know you comprehend we both are choiceless.
\par It's not about money. Emotions are at stake. I share your depths of loneliness and pain. Sitting opposed, I see the child in you, the adolescent. I discern the pleading
 sparkle in your eyes, your shoulders stooping in the very second you've decided to succumb. I am hurting for what I do to you. My only consolation is the inexorability of nature }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid8070539  mine and yours, this world's (in which we find ourselves and not of our choice). Still, we are here, you know.
\par I empathi}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch s}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 e with you without speech or motion. Your solitary sadness, the anguish, and your fears. I am your only friend, monopolist of your invisible cries, your inner h}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch a}
{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 emorrhage of salty tears, the tissued scar that has become your being. Like me, the product of uncounted blo}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ws (which you sometimes crave).}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 
\par Being abused is being understood, having some meaning, forming a narrative. Without it, your life is nothing but an anecdotal stream of randomness. I deal the final,
 overwhelming coup-de-grace that will transform the torn sheets of your biography into a plot. It isn't everyday one meets a cheat. Such confident encounters can render everything explained. Don't give it up. It is a gift of life, not to be frivolously di
spensed with. It is a test of worthiness.
\par I think you qualify and I am the structure and the target you've been searching for and here I am.
\par Now we are bound by money and by blood. In our common veins flows the same alliance that dilates our pupils. We hail
 from one beginning. We separated only to unite, at once, in this hotel, this late, and you exclaim: "I need to trust you like I do not trust a soul"}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch .}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 
 You beseech me not to betray your faith. Perhaps not so explicitly, but both your eyes are moist, reflecting your vulnerability.
\par I gravely radiate my utter guarantee of splendid outcomes. No hint of treason here. Concurrently I am plotting your emotional demise. At your request, not mine. It is an act of amity, to rid you of the very cause of your infirmity. 
I am the instrument of your delivery and liberation. I will deprive you of your ability to feel, to trust, and to believe. When we diverge, I will have mo}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch u}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 lded you anew }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539  much less susceptible, much more immune, the essence of resilience.
\par It is my gift to you and you are surely grateful in advance. Thus, when you demand my fealty, you say: "Do not forget our verbal understanding}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ."}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 
\par And when I vow my loyalty, I answer: "I shall not forget to stab you in the back."
\par And now, to the transaction. I study you. I train you to ignore my presence and argue with yourself with the utmost sincerity. I teach you not to resent your weaknesses.
\par So, you admit to them and I record all your confessions to be used against you to}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  your benefit. Denuded of defenc}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 e
s, I leave you wounded by embezzlement, a cold, contemptible exposure. And, in the meantime, it's only warmth and safety, the intimacy of empathy, the propinquity of mutual understanding.
\par I only ask of you one thing: the fullest trust, a willingness to yie
ld. I remember having seen the following in an art house movie, it was a test: to fall, spread-eagled from a high embankment and to believe that I am there to catch you and break your lethal plunge.
\par I am telling you I'll be there, yet you know I won't. You
r caving in is none of my concern. I only undertook to bring you to the brink and I fulfilled this promise. It's up to you to climb it, it's up to you to tumble. I must not halt your crash, you have to recompose. It is my contribution to the transformatio
n that metastasi}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch s}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 ed in you long before we met.
\par But you are not yet at the stage of internali}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch s}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 
ing these veracities. You still naively link feigned geniality to constancy, intimacy and confidence in me and in my deeds, proximity and full disclosure. You are s
o terrified and mutilated, you come devalued. You cost me merely a whiskey tumbler and a compendium of ordinary words. One tear enough to alter your allegiances. You are malleable to t}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch he point of having no identity.}{\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch \charrsid8070539 
\par You crave my touch and my affection. I crave your information and unbridled faith. "Here is my friendship and my caring, my tenderness and amity, here is a hug. I am your parent and your shrink, your buddy and your family" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539  so go the words of this inaudible dialog }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539  "Give me your utter, blind, 
trust but limit it to one point only: your money or your life."
\par I need to know about your funds, the riddles of your boardroom, commercial secrets, your skeletons, some intimate detail, a fear, resurgent hatred, the envy that consumes. I don't presume to b
e your confidant. Our sharing is confined to the pecuniary. I lull you into the relief that comes with much reduced demands. But you are an experienced businessman! You surely recogni}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch s}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 
e my tactics and employ them, too!
\par Still, you are both seduced and tempted, though on condition of maintaining "independent thinking". Well, almost independent. There is a tiny crack in your cerebral armo}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch u}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 
r and I am there to thrust right through it. I am ready to habituate you. "I am in full control" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539  you'd say }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch 
\af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539  "So, where's the threat?" And, truly, there is none.
\par There's only certainty. The certitude I offer you throughout our game. Sometimes I even venture: "I am a crook to be avoided". You listen with your occidental manners, head tilted obliquely, and when I am finished w
arning you, you say: "But where the danger lies? My trust in you is limited!" Indeed }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539  but it is there!
\par I lurk, awaiting your capitulation, inhabiting the margins, the twilight zone twixt greed and paranoia. I am a viral premonition, invading avaricious me
mbranes, preaching a gospel of death and resurrection. Your death, your rising from the dead. Assuming the contours of my host, I abandon you deformed in dissolution.
\par There's no respite, not even for a day. You are addicted to my nagging, to my penetrating
 gaze, instinctive sympathy, you're haunted. I don't let go. You are engulfed, cocooned, I am a soul mate of eerie insight, unselfish acumen. I vitiate myself for your minutest needs. I thrive on servitude. I leave no doubt that my self-love is exceeded o
nly by my love for you.
\par I am useful and you are a user. I am available and you avail yourself. But haven't you heard that there are no free lunches? My restaurant is classy, the prices most exorbitant, the invoices accumulate with every smile, with every wo
rd of reassurance, with every anxious inquiry as to your health, with every sacrifice I make, however insubstantial.
\par I keep accounts in my unstated books and you rely on me for every double entry. The voices I instill in you: "He gives so of himself though
 largely unrewarded". You feel ashamed, compelled to compensate. A seed of Trojan guilt. I harp on it by mentioning others who deprived me. I count on you to do the rest. There's nothing more potent than egotistic love combined with raging culpability. Yo
u are mine to do with as I wish, it is your wish that I embody and possess.
\par The vise is tightened. Now it's time to ponder whether to feed on you at once or scavenge. You are already dying and in your mental carcass I am grown, an alien. Invoking your immun
ity, as I am wont to do, will further make you ill and conflict will erupt between your white cells and your black, the twin ab}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch odes of your awakened feelings.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 
\par You hope against all odds that I am a soul-mate. How does it feel, the solitude? Few days with me }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 
 and you cannot recall! But I cannot remember how it feels to be together. I cannot waive my loneliness, my staunch companion. When I am with you, it prosp}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ers. And you must pay for that.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 
\par I have no choice but to abscond with your possessions, lest I remain bereft. With utmost ethics, I keep you well-informed of these dynamics and you acknowledge my fragility which makes you desirous to salve my wounds.
\par But I maintain the benefit of your surprise, the flowing motion. Always at an advantage over you, the int
erchangeable. I, on the other hand, cannot be replaced, as far as you're concerned. You are a loyal subject of your psychic state while I am a denizen of the eternal hunting grounds. No limits there, nor boundaries, only the nostrils quivering at the game
, the surging musculature, the body fluids, the scent of decadence.
\par Sometime, the prey becomes the predator, but only for a while. Admittedly, it's possible and you might turn the tables. But you don't want to. You crave so to be hunted. The orgiastic momen
t of my proverbial bullets penetrating willing flesh, the rape, the violation, the metaphoric blood and love, you are no lon}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ger satisfied with compromises.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 
\par You want to die having experienced this eruption once. For what is life without such infringement if
 not mere ripening concluding in decay. What sets us, Man, apart from beast is our ability to self-deceive and swindle others. The rogue's advantage over quarry is his capacity to have his lies transmuted till you believe them true.
\par I trek the unpaved pathways between my truth and your delusions. What am I, fiend or angel? A weak, disintegrating apparition }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 
 or a triumphant growth? I am devoid of conscience in my own reflection. It is a cause for mirth. My complex is binary: to fight or flight, I'm well or ill, it should have bee}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch n this way or I was led astray.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid8070539 
\par I am the blinding murkiness that never sets, not even when I sleep. It overwhelms me, too, but also renders me farsighted. It taught me my survival: strike ere you are struck, abandon ere you're trashed, control ere you are subjugated.
\par So what do you say t
o it now? I told you everything and haven't said a word. You knew it all before. You grasp how dire my need is for your blood, your hurt, the traumatic coma that will follow. They say one's death bequeaths another's life. It is the most profound destinati
on, to will existence to your pining duplicate.
\par I am plump and short, my face is uncontrived and smiling. When I am serious, I am told, I am like a battered and deserted child and this provokes in you an ancient cuddling instinct. When I am proximate, your 
body and your soul are unrestrained. I watch you kindly and the artificial lighting of this magnific ve}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch stibule bounces off my glasses.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 
\par My eyes are cradled in blackened pouches of withered skin. I draw your gaze by sighing sadly and rubbing them with weary 
hands. You incline our body, gulp the piquant libation, and sign the document. Then, leaning back, you shut exhausted eyes. There is no doubt: you reali}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch s}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 e your err}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch or.}{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 
\par It's not too late. The document lies there, it's ready for the tearing. But you refrain. You will not do it.
\par "Another drink?" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539  You ask}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch .}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539 
\par I smile, my chubby cheeks and wire glasses sparkle.
\par "No, thanks" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8070539  I say.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }{\field\flddirty{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch HYPERLINK  \\l "_C_O_N"}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch {\*\datafield 08d0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b0200000008000000070000005f0043005f004f005f004e000000}}}{\fldrslt {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \cs15\ul\cf2 Return}}}{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \page 
\par 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s1\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\outlinelevel0\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \ab\af35\afs24\alang1037 \ltrch \b\f35\fs24\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch {\*\bkmkstart _Janusz_Courts_Dinah}{\*\bkmkend _Janusz_Courts_Dinah}Janusz Courts Dinah
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch by Sam Vaknin
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \ai\af35 \ltrch \i Read the }{\field\flddirty{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \ai\af35 \ltrch \i  HYPERLINK "http://samvak.tripod.com/janus.html" 
}{\rtlch \ai\af35 \ltrch \i {\*\datafield 
00d0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b0200000003000000e0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b4800000068007400740070003a002f002f00730061006d00760061006b002e0074007200690070006f0064002e0063006f006d002f006a0061006e00750073002e00680074006d006c00000000}}}{\fldrslt {
\rtlch \ai\af35 \ltrch \cs15\i\ul\cf2\charrsid5575883 Hebrew original}}}{\rtlch \ai\af35 \ltrch \i .
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par 
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367 Janusz thrusts his head through the illuminated window, deep into the house, his desperate shadow bedaubed across the wall. We shelter Dinah, a chimera of heads and bodies, protecting h
er from Janusz, from his love, from his contorted face, as he bawls, in his intellectual accent:
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \fi173\li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367 "But I want Dinah, le}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch t me speak with Dinah!"}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid11483367 
\par Dinah's face alight, attainted red. It has been a long time since she was wooed so forcefully. Janusz, consumed by twilight, bellowing ignominiously in public. It flatters her, evoking stirrings she can recogni}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch s}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid11483367 e. She giggles uncomfortably, a beauty framed in silky skin and pearly teeth.
\par Janusz sits by day on colo}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch u}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367 r-peeling, fading benches. His body arched with twangi
ng dignity, his equine face buried in a thickset tome, exaggerated eyes peering through the magnifying lenses of his gold-rimmed glasses. From time to time, he chases a dogged, greasy curl away from his alpestrine forehead.
\par It was this expansive brow that 
most impressed me as a child. A swathe, pulsating in venous green, a milky desert, crisscrossed with brittle capillaries and strewn with bony rocks. Beneath this tract was Janusz: his wondering eyes, penumbral sockets, and slithering hair.
\par When he summoned Dinah, his face erupted into creases, as wastelands do before the rain. "Go away, crazy one" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367  my grandma, Dinah's mother, used to shout at him half}{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch -}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367 heartedly, as she shuttered the rickety windows. But even Janusz, who I, informed by hindsight, now know to have been really cracked }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch 
\af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367  even he perceived my grandma's protests as eccentrically veiled summonses.
\par Grinning, he would press his face against the frozen casement, his Hellenic nose made into a bulbous offering, befogged, only his t}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch oothy smile remains, then gone.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367 
\par The Seder was often celebrated at my grandparents. Tables colluded under shimmering white clothes, bleached by my grandma in plastic vessels. Matzos and wine bottles served porcelain and crystal bowls with scarlet sparkles. My mother and my fath
er observed, dejected, from the corners of the room, two str}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch angers in an intimate occasion.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367 
\par My parents, unloved, rejected by both progenitors and progeny, clinging together, having survived their families. With eyes downcast, hands sculpting breadcrumbs or
 folding and unfolding wrinkled napkins, they silently cruised through the night, tight-lipped and stiff.
\par It was an awry evening. My grandpa, drowsed by medication, ensconced in sleepy, torn p}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch y}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367 jamas, read the Haggadah perfunctorily. We devoured the food do
led out by my grandma from steamy, leaden pots. We ate with bated silence, a choir of cutlery and chomp. Immersed in yellow lighting, we cast our shadows at each other. A tiny wooden bird sprang forth, recounting time from a cuckoo clock my fa}{\rtlch 
\af35 \ltrch ther gifted to my grandparents.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367 
\par Still silent, my grandma and my aunts began to clear the table, when Janusz implored Dinah, from the windowpane, to exit and meet him in the dusk. My grandmother didn't utter a single syllable as she fastened the blinders in his face. Ja
nusz whimpered. The stillness was only interrupted by the clattering plates and the whishing sounds of lacey aprons.
\par Until the door, forced open, let in a tremulous Janusz, his shoulders stooping, his head askance, filling the frame with writhing apprehension and zealous hope. The door }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid11483367  two planks adjoined with sawdust }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367  protested but Janusz didn't budge. His forehead s
ketched with rain-drenched hair, his eyes exuding watery anticipation, he stood there, sculpting with his twitchy hands an airy bust of Dinah. The odo}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch u}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367 
rs of decaying food and festering sweat mingled with the crispness of the drizzle.
\par He tore her name from tortured chest: "DINAH!!!"
\par The women stifled a fearful shriek. The giant Janusz filled the room as he progressed in pilgrimage towards Dinah, his sinewy hands extended, the muscles rippling in his arms. There and then, we in the role of silent witnesses, h
e courted her, quoting from Kafka and Freud and Tolstoy. That night he called upon the spirits of his library, whose books he romanced on benches under all the lampposts in the township's parks. He sang her arias and, for a moment, he carried her away fro
m us. His reputation was cemented by this nocturnal recital. We didn't understand a word he sai}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch d, his music fell on arid ears.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367 
\par My mother beseeched him softly, shocking us all:
\par "Go}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  away, Janusz, Dinah is tired."}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367 
\par It was the first thing she said that evening. She then stood up, stretching her pygmy frame, pinning on Janusz her kaleidoscopic brown-green gaze. Her hair braked, cropped, atop her shoulders. Janusz, taken aback, studied her as one would an exotic specie
s. His hands, two violent spirals, breached desperately the musty air. My mother stepped up to him and, looking into befuddled eyes, she reiterated her pleading command:
\par "Go away, Janusz" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367  and, then, soothingly }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367  "Dinah will see you tomorrow}{\rtlch 
\af35 \ltrch ."}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367 
\par Janusz's body crumbled. His shoulders bowed, he took his glasses off, withdrew a patterned flannel shirt from his trousers and polished them meticulously. His lake-blue eyesight fluttered. He placed his eyecups back, forgetting to restore his attire.

\par "I only want to talk to her" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367  he protested tamely }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367 
 "I only want to tell her to marry me because I love her}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ."}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367 
\par My mother nodded understandingly:
\par "This is not the time. You must go now. It is Passover, the Seder night, and you are intruding}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ."}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367 
\par He reciprocated miserably and retreated crab-like, sideways, afraid to turn his back on the hostile room.
\par Dinah watched him from the kitchen, numbed. She absentmindedly arranged her hair and tightened the dull apron around her narrow waist. She pulled her blouse to carve her breasts, and, to adjust her stocking, she stretched a bronzed and streamlined leg.

\par Janusz gulped these inadvertent sights, quenching a burgeoning lust.
\par My mother repeated with irrevocable finality:
\par "Goodbye, Janusz!"
\par Awakened and subdued, he headed for the exit.
\par Then Dinah exclaimed:
\par "Janusz, wait, I will come with you!"
\par She hurled the balled apron at us and went and flanked Janusz, provocatively linking arms with him. Janusz stiffened, eyes tensely shut, afraid to shatter this dream of Dinah by his side. My mother fi
red a glaucous look at her sister, turned her back effusively, and sank into her chair, deflated. Janusz extended one leg towards the exit and Dinah somnambulated after him. Thus, torturously, they vanished into the murky, thunderstruck, outside, leaving 
the door ajar to the rain sprays and ozone smell of a gathering storm.
\par All the adults commenced and ceased to speak at once. My grandfather snored, his breath deflected by his sprawling chin, fluttering among the white curls on his denuded chest. My grandma
 concealed him in a tattered afghan and sat beside him, fingering a bracelet helplessly. One of my uncles cleared his throat in bass, regretted this promised speech, and slumped into his chair. They all eyed my father, the oldest and most experienced amon
g them. But he kept mum.
\par They sat there for a while. My father tore apart the shutters and squinted in a futile effort to discern something in the gloom. The streetlamps were few and far between and the tepid lighting of the Seder barely brightened the room
's far corners, let alone the alleyway.
\par The young ones dozed, bowing to soiled plates, their crumpled, stained, cloth bibs bobbing in a sea of matzo crumbs.
\par "Hard-headed" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367  muttered my grandma and my mother assented absentmindedly. Someone brought my grand
ma a glass of water. She dipped her lips and crusty tongue and smacked. "Maybe we should call the police" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367  ventured another uncle of mine, but }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
we knew this was a non-starter.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367 
\par Dinah got divorced in her early twenties, abandoned by her husband. She found re
fuge in her parents' home and cared for them and for those of her siblings who still resided there. She scuffed the floor and scrubbed the dishes. In the evenings, she settled down, legs crossed beneath her wearily, gazing at life unfolding from the porch
, puffing at a medley of fidgety cigarettes. She had the dead countenance of the introspective. We tiptoed around her and soothingly vilified her former husband to her face.
\par At first, she clung to life. She raised a son and daughter in the squalid quarters 
of her parents. But when her daughter succumbed to leukemia, she was a broken vessel. She shipped her son to a foster family in a Kibbutz and sought employment in a hospice for the terminally ill. There, among the dead and dying, she spent most of her tim
e, often napping, in between shifts, in a bed still sweating of its former, now deceased, occupant. Or she would sprawl on an operating table, among blood spattered bandages and slabs of sanguinary flesh in overflowing buckets.
\par She rarely returned to her parents now, to assume her tiny chamber, with its monastic bed, and ramshackle dresser. She has not dated, neither has she bee}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch n with a man since her divorce.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367 
\par And now, this, into the night with the deranged and violent Janusz, who wastes his time on books, on public benches in twilight parks. What}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  could he do to her?}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367 
\par "A beautiful woman is only trouble" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367  someone said and everyone hummed in consent.
\par "Poor Dinah" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367  sighed another aunt, summing in these three syllables her entire shrive}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch l}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367 ling misery.
\par It was stuffy and men wiped foreheads with blemished handkerchiefs, doffing synthetic shirts imbrued with perspiration. Someone turned on the radio and off again. Others pressed frayed rags aga}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch inst the leaking window frames.}{\rtlch 
\af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367 
\par "She is not herself since Sima died" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367 
 my grandmother intoned in vacant words. No one mentioned Uzi, Dinah's only son, my cousin, my friend, irrevocably adopted now. I thought to myself: Dinah may be sad on his account as well. No one suggested that she misses him as badly as she does h
er daughter and her husband, who deserted her, amidst this budding}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  emptiness, without saying why.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367 
\par Mother served a round of roasting, grainy coffee, in tiny demitasses. A symphony of smacking lips and groans of pleasure followed.
\par "What are we to do now?" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367  my grandma said, her voice monotonous, her fingers curled around the trimmings of her dress }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367  "She eloped with this madman. What's wrong with her? She has a handsome, clever child, a warm home, a steady job."
\par My mother stared at her and then away. My uncle, Gabi, said: "There's more to life than these."
\par "What more is there to life?" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367  erupted my grandma, approaching him with scorching eyes }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid11483367  "What do you have in yours? Do you have a wife, a home, or children? Almost thirty years old and still a toddler, unemployed, subsisting on the marrow of t}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch his old man here\'85"}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid11483367 
\par My uncle, springing to his feet, circumnavigated the table to face my grandma and then, his mind changed, he exited the house, banging the door behind him wrathfully.
\par "I also must go" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367  mumbled his younger brother awkwardly }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367 
 "My friends are waiting. We are going to have us a good time in the square, we}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \'85}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367 " }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367 
 and he ran out tearfully.
\par Mother peered at the orphaned coffee cups and sipped from hers. She poured my father some more, avoiding his searching gaze.
\par "Never works, he is killing his old man, destroying his life" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367  my grandma repeated disparagingly. My mother nodded.
\par My father said:
\par "The aluminium here must be painted, it's all so rusty. I can do it for you on Saturday."
\par No one responded. Someone flattened a mosquito between two palms and studied the bloodied outcome.
\par "It's tough to be alone" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367  Aliza blurted }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367  "She has no man and Sima dead and Uzi}{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \'85}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367 "
\par "I am alone" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367  Nitzkhia countered.
\par "I hope she doesn't do anything stupid" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367  my father cautioned no one in particular }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid11483367  "This Janusz is a nutcase."
\par "He loves her" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367  Aliza said with wistful confidence }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367  "He will not harm her."

\par "The worst is when you love"}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367  my mother said }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367 
 "The worst crimes are passionate."
\par She jumped to her feet and hurried to the kitchen to rid her dress of a budding coffee stain.
\par My father examined the shutters closely, unfurling them and back. "Stop that" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367  my mother sniped at him and he collapsed into his chair, embarrassed.
\par "It's late" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367  Nitzkhia said }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367  "Maybe we should fan out and look for Dinah}{\rtlch 
\af35 \ltrch ."}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367 
\par "She'll be back" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367  my mother reassured her nervously, fighting a losing battle with the spot }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid11483367  "She has nowhere else to go. He shares the same room with his mother. She watches over him relentlessly. If you ask me, there is something unhealthy going on between these two. No wonder he is like that."
\par "God" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367  exhaled my grandma }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367  "I hate to imagine what the neighbo}{\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch u}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367 rs will invent: the two, alone, on the Seder night, in a public park}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \'85}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367 "
\par "He is a good person, this poor guy, he wouldn't harm a fly, how could anyone believe that they}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  \'85 }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367 together }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \'85}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367 
 I am not sure he could do it even if he knew what to do}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \'85}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367 " }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367 
 Aliza laughed heartily, exposing equine teeth, and wavin}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch g back a mane of waning blonde.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367 
\par Everyone brayed and then earnestness reasserted itself. Dinah still hasn't returned and she was out there, with Janusz.
\par "I have cookies in sugar or in honey" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367  my grandma chuntered and motioned to the kitchen listlessly. My mother and Aliza rushed to fetch two outsized bowls containi
ng triangular pastry fl}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch oating in a golden syrupy lake.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367 
\par "I still think that we should go out and look for her" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367  Nitzkhia insisted dreamily.
\par "Let's start to clear the table" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367 
 my mother instructed me and my sister. We helped her carry greasy plates and cutlery and shapeless napkins to the kitchen and pile them there indiscriminately. Mother rolled up her sleeves, donned a checkered pinafore, and started to scour away the eveni
ng with minimal, efficient moves.
\par "Mother" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367  I said meekly }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367  "we haven't sung the Passover hymns}{\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch ."}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367 
\par She rinsed the dishes emphatically and used a drab cloth towel to dry them.
\par "Mother" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367  I persisted }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367  "It is not the same without the signing}{\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch .}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367 " I liked to chime in and yodel the refrains.
\par "Well, I think we will be on our way now" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367  I heard Aliza from the other room. Nitzkhia had nowhere to go back to, she lived with }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
my grandfather and grandmother.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367 
\par "Mother" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367  I was panicky now, but I knew not why }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367  "Gabi and Itsi
k have gone and now Aliza, too! No one is left!"
\par My mother froze and then, bending towards me, she tousled my hair, her hand all wet and soapy.
\par I shut my eyes and opened them repeatedly to repel her rivulets of stinging water. I was crying now and my sobbi
ng swelled in me and I was swept in frazzled tremulousness, wiping my running nose on the back of a sullied hand. My younger sister retreated to the corner, kneeling, and snivel}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch l}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367 ed inaudibly.

\par Mother just stood there, hands airborne, observing us in anxious helplessness. She tried to utter something but it came out a feeble "Don't you cry now, children"}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367  }{\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch m}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367 y father glided from the adjacent room and leaned a naked, bronze, shoulder on the doorframe, his face a sad and distant mask.
\par "Why are they crying?" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367  he enquired no one in particular.
\par "Because we didn't sing the Passover hymns" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367  my mother countered in a stifled voice.
\par Father knelt and cradled me in his arms. He embarked on a monotonous Moroccan tune, until my tears subsided and, enraptured by the distant
 melody, I fell silent. I joined him in a seamless medley of Passover hymns, my voice lachrymose and screeching. My mother reverted to her chores by the basin and Sima, my sister, absorbed it all in her usual mousy taciturnity.
\par Father held my hand in his s
pacious, warm palm and led me back to the table, chanting all the way and rhythmically pressing my flesh, spurring me on to join him. We were the only two singing, now in hushed voices, not to wake my grandpa. My sister climbed onto my father's knee, her 
scalp safely ensconced in his moustache, head nodding to her chest, eyelids undulating dreams.
\par "We are going" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367  reiterated Aliza. She arose and straightened an erstwhile festive dress. As she was circling the table, Dinah barged in and hesitated by the thre
shold, prodded inside by the rain that drenched us all. An invisible}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  hand shut the door behind her.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367 
\par She was soaked, her hair in ropy waterfalls, her clothes an aqueous pulp, her wide feet bare. She gravitated towards a vacant chair and folded}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch , planted in a swelling puddle.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367 
\par My mother, exiting the kitchen, stared at her, alarmed.
\par "Where were you?" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367  demanded my grandmother bleakly.
\par Dinah shrugged. "We strolled in the public park. We walked a lot. He talked to me. His speech is beautiful, like a gentleman's. He is wise and erudite. He speaks six languages."
\par "Then he is definitely not for you" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367  my grandma interrupted rudely }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367 
 "We have enough whackos in the family."
\par Dinah shivered. "He is not a whacko, don't call him that!"
\par My mother served her scalding coffee and my grandmother kept mumbling crabbily: "He is not for you, Donna. You forget about him this very instant!"
\par Dinah sipped the beverage, her eyes occluding pleasurably. She unwrapped them, green and crystalline, and said: "It all remains to be seen. It all remains to be seen."
\par My grandma grumbled despondently and gestured dismissively at Dinah's optimism: "As you have ill-chosen your first one, so shall you cherry-pick your second one, no doubt. Good for nothings. Only trouble and heartbreak await you."
\par And my mother said:
\par "Come children, let us go home. This is an adult conversation" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367  as she fired a cautionary glance at the interlocutors.
\par "Let them sleep in my room" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367  Dinah said }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367  "Sometimes even adults have to talk."

\par "We all eat what we cook" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367  my mother sniggered }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367 
 "Dating someone like that is like laying your bed with sheets of misfortune and blankets of unhappiness. Just don't come to us complaining that we haven't forewarned you."
\par "I never came to you for anything, let alone complaining" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367  retorted Dinah bitterly }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid11483367  "And not that I had nothing to complain about."
\par "What now?" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367  Aliza asked, still on her ostensible way out }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367 
 "What have you decided?"
\par "What is there to decide after one evening together?" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367  riposted Dinah.
\par "Will you go on seeing him?" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367  Nitzkhia challenged her.
\par "I think I will" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367  responded Dinah ponderously }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367 
 "I had a pleasant and interesting time tonight. He is a charming man and I don't care how he appears to you."
\par "He is insane" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367  my grandma groaned }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367  "And you are even nuttier if you co
nsider dating him again. In any case, you are through with us. Take your belongings and let us see the last of you if you intend to foll}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ow through with this disgrace."
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367 Dinah trembled, chewing on her upper lip to refrain from crying. "You would have not spoken like that if daddy were awake" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367 
 she spluttered.
\par "You heard me?" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367  my grandma sniped at her, coughing and massaging her chest, fending off an imminent demise }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch 
\af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367  "From tomorrow, find yourself another place!"
\par A distant mannish voice trilled opera arias. It approached, bathing the room and us, and Janusz knocked on the wooden shutters and called:
\par "Dinah, can I tell you something?"
\par And again:
\par "Dinah, can you come out for a moment?"
\par A tentative knock.
\par Dinah half-arose, supported by the armrests.
\par "Dinah?" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367  Janusz's voice, astounded, invaded by its onetime stutter }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367 
 "Do you hear me? Are you there?"\line My grandmother fixated Dinah with a tocsin look. Dinah stumbled towards the door, entranced, her hand extended, her mouth agape but speechless. She then sealed both her eyes and mouth and, thus, stood}{\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch  frozen, heaving imperceptibly.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367 
\par "Dinah" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367  spurted Janusz }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367 
 "I love you, I have always loved you, don't be cruel to me, I just want to tell you one little thing, one minute of your life, make it one second" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367  he paused and then 
}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367  "I respect you greatly. We can talk through the window curtains. You do not have to come out to me."
\par Two tearful tributaries, two becks of salty rain, carved up Dinah's features. She returned to her seat, burying her ov}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch al countenance in futile hands.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid11483367 
\par Sighing deeply, my grandma neared the window. She propped herself against the soggy panes and through the fastened blinds she bellowed:
\par "Go away! Away from here, you crazy fool!"
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }{\field\flddirty{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch HYPERLINK  \\l "_C_O_N"}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch {\*\datafield 08d0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b0200000008000000070000005f0043005f004f005f004e000000}}}{\fldrslt {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \cs15\ul\cf2 Return}}}{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \page 
\par 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s1\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\outlinelevel0\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \ab\af35\afs24\alang1037 \ltrch \b\f35\fs24\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch {\*\bkmkstart _My_Affair_with}{\*\bkmkend _My_Affair_with}My Affair with Jesus
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch by Sam Vaknin
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \ai\af35 \ltrch \i Read the }{\field\flddirty{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \ai\af35 \ltrch \i  HYPERLINK "http://samvak.tripod.com/jesus.html" 
}{\rtlch \ai\af35 \ltrch \i {\*\datafield 
00d0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b0200000003000000e0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b4800000068007400740070003a002f002f00730061006d00760061006b002e0074007200690070006f0064002e0063006f006d002f006a0065007300750073002e00680074006d006c00000000}}}{\fldrslt {
\rtlch \ai\af35 \ltrch \cs15\i\ul\cf2\charrsid12404149 Hebrew original}}}{\rtlch \ai\af35 \ltrch \i .
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par 
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 Losing my mind in a bed-sitter. Pipes crackling in the kitchenette, spewing f}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch a}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
ecal water in the bathroom, only the urinal a tolerable translucence. The cramped space is consumed by a rough-hewn timber bed, prickly wool blankets strewn. The sheets a crumpled ball, spotted with ageing spittle stains. The window looks onto another win
dow. Mine is a corporate apartment in {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname City}}Geneva{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}, a menacing physical presence of sol}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch itude and silence crystallised.}{\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch \charrsid10690634 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \fi173\li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
On weekend mornings I promenade at length: along the lake shores, traverse the foothills, the sumptuous mansions of the rich, back through the marina and the slums, behind the "Noga-Hilton".
\par On my return, the flat contracts, the standard issue table, the single chair, my scattered clothing, the metered rotary dial phone, the French and German television channels I cannot understand.
\par Once weekly, on Monday morns, a woman comes to clean. Her legs are cast in limpid stockings, I smell her cleanser perspiration. A coarse elastic reins her stonewashed hair. She is not bejewel}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch l}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
ed. She wears a pair of twisted wire-rims. Her husband sometimes tags along, buried }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch under her scrubbing implements.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
\par She hardly ever acknowledges my cornered and abashed existence, like a besuited mummy with gleaming imitation leather shoes. She does my laundry and my ironing, too.
\par I did not want to die. I sought refuge in numbers, solace in propinquity. I thought I'd join the Jesuits.
\par I strolled to the United Nations building and met a senior
 bureaucrat, a member of the order. His angled modest office overlooked a busy "work-in-progress" intersection, but he renounced this distraction. He listened to my well-rehearsed oration and referred me to a mona}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
stery at the other end of town.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
\par Ambling along the waterfront, I scrutini}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch s}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 ed the flower beds, the tourists, and the spout. Even at dusk, I found this city languid.
\par All}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  shops were closed.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
\par I had a dinner date with a Londoner, a naturali}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch s}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 ed Iranian oil trader. Throughout the meal he kept rebuking me:
\par "You sound like someone whose life is long behind him. It is not true! You are so young!"
\par I drove my shrimps amongst the {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}Th}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ousand Islands{\*\xmlclose} in my bowl.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
\par "You are o}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch bservant, Sir}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 " }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  I said }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid10690634  "but wrong. I may be posse}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ssed of past, but not of future}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 " }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  I gau
ged the impact of my harsh pronouncement }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  "Not necessarily a thing to mourn" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
 I added.
\par He rearranged the remnants of his dinner on his soiled plate. I gathered that he was far too experienced to be optimistic.
\par I visited the friary next morning. A young monk, clad in sportswear eyed me with surprise. I mentioned my referrer and was instantly admitted. We occupied a metal bench}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  amidst a bustling corridor.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid10690634 
\par He told me about the order. They study several years, embark on charitable missions in far-flung}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  countries, and then take vows.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
\par I reassured him I was celibate }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch and he pretended to believe me.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
\par Gene called and invited me to his bookstore to inspect a new shipment. I used to spend all weekends there, reading, sociali}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch s}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 ing, and devouring unwholesome food in the a
djacent restaurant. Shoppers came and went. Gene would register the day's meager intake in his books and lock the entrance door. Sometimes we would proceed to patroni}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch s}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 e an {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1
{\factoidname place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname PlaceName}}Old{\*\xmlclose} {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname PlaceType}}City{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose} coffeehouse. But usually I would return to my alcove and wait for Monday.
\par That day, when I arrived, Gene offered me a cup of lukewarm coffee and said: "Stay }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch with me, please, this evening."}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
\par The last client having departed, he bolted the iron shutters and we proceeded uptown, to get drunk. It was a farewell sacrament, Gene having lost his savings and a lot }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch of other people's funds.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 

\par He climbed to my apartment and wept throughout the night of his intoxicated desperation. I woke to find him gone.
\par Thus, my world narrowed. The weather chilled. I couldn't pierce the 
stubborn rainfall that swathed my windowpanes. Arrayed in heavy overcoat, I sat, a patchwork quilt of light and shade. Or fully dressed, prostrated, the blankets heaped, on my Procrustean bed.
\par People from {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}Israel{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose} stayed at my place. They ate my food and slept and showered. Then they moved off. I travel}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch l}{\rtlch 
\af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 ed back there on vacation. A journalist who did my profile years ago, refused to interview me. He said: "Dead horses do not make a story." My nightmares swelled with equine carcasses discharging jets of ink-black blood.

\par Come winter, I called on the priory a}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch gain.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
\par "You must first see the light, see Jesus" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  my youthful guide insisted but, ready with a riposte, I rejoined:
\par "There are many paths to one's salvation and one's savio}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch u}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 r."
\par Savo}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch u}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 ring my worn platitude, he promised to arrange for an interview in {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname City}}Zurich{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}
, the regional headquarters.
\par So many years have passed since then.
\par Perhaps a dream, perhaps a motion picture snippet, perhaps I am overwhelmed by one of my
 confabulations. I remember descending from a train, ankle-high in rustling snow, treading uncharted tracks towards an illuminated building, a boarding school. The manageress conducts a prideful tour of speckles }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
premises. Toddlers in flowery py}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 jamas amuse themselves with ligneous cubes and plastic toys.
\par I can't remem}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ber if I have never been there.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
\par That morning, in {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname City}}Zurich{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}
, I climbed up a hill, next to the colossal railway, and rang an ornate bell at the gate of an unassuming office building. I was l
et into an antechamber and led into the quarters of the abbot. He had a kind face, without a trace of gullibility. His desk was neatly organi}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch s}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 ed, framed by heaving bookcases and shafts of gr}{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch e}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 ying light.
\par I was being examined, oblivious to the rules. "Why do you wish to join us?" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  he enquired, then }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid10690634  "Follow me}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch .}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
" We climbed down to the dormitories of the fresh initiates. He mutely pointed at the crooked berths, the metal chests, the hanging hair shirts. "We fast a lot. We pray from dawn till {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname time}{\xmlattr\xmlattrns0{\xmlattrname 
Hour}{\xmlattrvalue 0}}{\xmlattr\xmlattrns0{\xmlattrname Minute}{\xmlattrvalue 0}}}midnight{\*\xmlclose}."
\par He introduced me to the novices. "They look so happy and resilient" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  I noted. He smiled. Echoes of clerical exertion from}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
 above rebounded in the cellar.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
\par "We've got some guests" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  he clarified, and suddenly awakening }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
 "Have you already eaten?"
\par We crossed a lengthy passage veined with piping, thrusting agape the heavy oak doors at its end. I entered first, he followed, to face a purple multitude of churchmen. They rose }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch in noiseless unison and waited.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid10690634 
\par My host declaimed:
\par "We have a Jewish guest, from {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}Israel{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose} today" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
 he hesitated }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  "He will say grace for us. In Hebrew."
\par The hall reverberated. My host impelled me forward. A sea of crimson skullcaps as they rested foreheads on locked, diaphanous digits. I uttered the Jewish prayer sl
owly, improvising some. The alien phrases recoiled from the masonry, bounced among the massive trestle-tops, ricocheted from the clay utensils, the crude-carved cutlery, the cotton tablecloths. A towering Jesus bled into a candled recess.
\par The abbot led me 
to a chair and placed a bowl of nebulous soup in front. He stuck a wooden spoon right in the swirling liquid and went away. I ate, head bowed, maintaining silence, conforming to the crowd's ostentatious decorum. The repast over, I joined the abbot and his
 guests in the procession to his office. He recounted proudly the tale of my most imminent conversion.
\par They looked aghast. One of them enquired how I found Jesus. I said I hadn't yet. The abbot smiled contentedly. "He is not a liar" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  he averred }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  "He doesn't lie even when lying leads to profit}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ."}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  "Perhaps the profitable thing to do is to be truthful in this case" }{\rtlch 
\af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  one bitterly commented.
\par The train back to {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname City}}Geneva{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}
 crisscrossed a radiant medley, deserted streets spanned by forlorn bridges, and spectral streetlamps. I exited into the ceilinged station, to the ascending roads and winding paths and broader avenues, on to my flat. Immersed in shadows to emerge in light
, I gazed at curtained windows tightly shut. I window-shopped and kicked some gravel.
\par At the entrance to my building I didn't turn on the light. I couldn't face the immaculate stairwell, the doormats, the planted pots of crucible steel. But darkness meant a
 lethal fall or stepping in the wrong apartment, intruding on the astonished life of someone else (the keys were all identical, I suspected). I couldn't cope even with mine.
\par I turned around, into the public park, across the inner yard, down to the looping street that bordered on the water. The lake was silver struck and boats bobbed up and down abstracted waves. Moon, cleaved by stooping branches, hills vapori}{\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch s}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 ing into mist. I circumvented them, resting on soggy benches,}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  the stations of my pilgrimage.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
\par The l
ake and road diverged and I arrested at the slopes. I dithered momentarily and then proceeded to ascend the footpath, liberally dotted with fallen leaves and broken twigs. Submerged in muddy soil, the rich substrate of foliar death, I kicked the ripeness 
of dispersing acorns.
\par I stopped in front of {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}Dudley{\*\xmlclose}'s home }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  a medieval French chateau }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  to study yet again its contumacious contours. Inside, behind the gate, {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}Dudley{\*\xmlclose} constructed a tiny summer house atop a brook. We oft debated topics there we both
 knew little of. I never came }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch there unannounced or uninvited.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
\par Moonlight transforms brickwork chateaux into the stuff of magic. They take your breath away and hurl it back at you until it splinters. A canine wail, how apt, as though directed. Ripples of wholeness, happy }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
containment, perfect abundance.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
\par I went back the way I came, booting the same pebbles, hard on my heels, ethereal presence. The night inflamed. I arrived at my apartment, the stacks of documents and books, a glass of opaque water, the stale ex
haling carpet, talk shows unfolding in a thick Bavarian accent. I half expect an angry neighbo}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch u}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 r to tap his wall }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid10690634  our wall }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  with naked palms. Or, worse, the cleaning lady.
\par At home, it's almost dawn, a blue horizon. I slit a tidy envelope and dr}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch aw its innards.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
\par The abbot advises me to prepare to visit {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname City}}Boston{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}
 in the following week. I am expected there for an in-depth interview. I made a good impression. "Your motives look sincere}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch .}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 " In Christ.
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }{\field\flddirty{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch HYPERLINK  \\l "_C_O_N"}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch {\*\datafield 08d0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b0200000008000000070000005f0043005f004f005f004e000000}}}{\fldrslt {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \cs15\ul\cf2 Return}}}{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \page 
\par 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s1\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\outlinelevel0\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \ab\af35\afs24\alang1037 \ltrch \b\f35\fs24\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch {\*\bkmkstart _The_Last_Days}{\*\bkmkend _The_Last_Days}The Last Days
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch by Sam Vaknin
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par 
\par 
\par 
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 For years now I have been urinating into flower pots, spraying the shiny le}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch aves, the fissured russet soil.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \fi173\li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
Typically, as time passes, the plant I pee on blackens. It is an odd and ominous hue, a mesh of bronze and mustard arteries, like po}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch isoning.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
\par Still, it keeps on growing in degenerate defi}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ance against me and its nature.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
\par I often contem}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch plate this toxic quirk of mine.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
\par Does it amount to a behavio}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch u}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 r pattern, a set of familiar, oft-repeated acts that verge on psychological automatism?
\par And if it does }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  is it peculiar? Who is to judge, by whose authority? What are the moral, or other, standards used to determine my eccentricity or idiosyncrasy?
\par I am n}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ot even sure the quirk is mine.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
\par Admittedly, the urine thus expelled, a cloudy saffron, or a flaxen shade, emerges from the pallid, limp appendage to which I'm indisputably attached. But this, as far as I am concerned, does not transform my waste disposal into a pattern of behavio}{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch u}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 r, nor does it make this habitual discharge mine.
\par My observations of the routines of my evacuation onto horticultural containers are detached (I am almost tempted to label them "objective"). I ferret out the common denominators of all these incidents.
\par I never abuse a potted plant when given access to a restroom less than three minutes walk away. I judiciously use "three minutes". There have been cases of houseplant mutilation when the nearest WC was three minutes and ten seconds far.
\par Also I never purge myself merely for pleasure or convenience. I can conscientio
usly say that the opposite is true: I resort to my vegetables only in times of acute distress, beyond endurance. Undeniably, the physical release I feel entails emotional relief and the faint traces of the exudative orgasm one experiences with a whorish, 
feral woman, who is not one's spouse.
\par The longer I persevere, the fiercer the cascade, sculpting the loam to form l}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch akes of mud and rustling froth.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
\par Another matter that greatly occupies me is the in-depth perusal of the circumstances in which my preferences of eliminati}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch on shift.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
\par A prime condition, of course, is the availability of a planter. I find these in offices and other public places. I cherish the risk of being found excreting in these urns }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid10690634  the potential social condemnation, the forced commitment to a madhouse.
\par But why? What causes this fluidal exhibitionism?
\par The exposure of my member is important. The wafting chill upon my foreskin. It is primordially erotic, a relic of my childhood. We pee like that when we are toddlers: the organ bare, observed by all and sundry, the source of foaming falls.
\par It's an important point, this nippy air of infancy.
\par Equally, there is the delicious hazard of being spotted by a beautiful woman or by the authorities (a policeman, a warden, when I was in jail).
\par Yet, the wished for outcomes of this recklessness are by no means ascertained.
\par Consider the authorities.
\par This act is so in breach of my much-cultivated image as European intellectual }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  that I anticipate being thoroughly ignored, in an attempt to avoid the reali}{\rtlch 
\af35 \ltrch s}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 ation that they've been cheated (or were they simply too obtuse to notice my blatant preference for herbal floods?)
\par Even more inauspicious:
\par They may be coerced into conceding that not everyone can safely be defined or subjected to immutable classification. This forced admission would undermine the pillars of their social order. It's better to pretend that they do believe my story }{\rtlch 
\af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  as I hurriedly button my open fly }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
 that I was merely sorting out my clothes. They hasten to avert their eyes from the dark stain that encompasses my squirting manhood.
\par A beautiful woma}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch n is another matter altogether.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
\par If she happens to detect me, it has the makings of pornography. Being the right type, this can be the begi}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch nning of a great, blue passion.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
\par I am not sure what is the legal status of my actions. Unobserved, in the absence of a gasping public }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
 my exposure is not indecent. So what is it? An obscenity? Damage to public property? A corruption of the morals? Is there an offen}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch c}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 e in the codex thus described: "Exposing one
's penis to the breeze while standing over a black and brown and yellow plant}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ?}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 "
\par I bet there isn't }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
 though one can never be too sure. We are, therefore, left with the phenomenology of my exploits. Put less genteelly: we can describe the act but are very far from comprehending it.
\par I also notice that I resort to flowerpots before I browse a book, or while I do it, or after. I use my lower culvert to expunge my upper sewer of all manner of read cerebral effluence.
\par My learned piss, my highbrow vinegar.
\par While immersed in reading, sometimes I forget to drink for many hours. It does not affect the frequency of 
my eliminations. I, therefore, feel compelled to establish no connection between fluids consumed and urine produced when intellectually engaged. My higher functions offer splendid regulation of my aqueous economy.
\par My manner of urinating in plant containers
 is different to the way I pee in the gleaming bowls of regular loos. Confined among the tiles, I discharge meticulously, in a thin and measured trickle, free to ruminate on theoretical matters or to consider the last woman to have abandoned me and why sh
e has.
\par I judge her reasons flimsy.
\par Out in nature }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  as reified by shrive}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch l}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 ling potted shrubs }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  I experience a breakdown in communication with my wand. I find myself cajoling it both verbally and by straining the muscles of my bladder and my lower abdomen. I w
ag it with a mildness that masks suppressed hostility and pent aggression. I begrudge it the spontaneity and variegatio}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch n of its inner and outer lives.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
\par Following a period of obsequious supplication, it acquiesces and emancipates my floral urine: a stern and furious jet erupts in all directions, a sprinkler out of control, a hose without a nozzle.
\par There is the loneliness, of course.
\par Opposing a flourishing jardini\'e8re, or an ivy covered fire hydrant }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  I am alone, the kind of privacy that comes with windswept nu
dity and public intimate acts. This is the solitude of a rebel about to be caught, an act of utter self-destruction as meaningful as farting or ejaculating in a whore who's bored to the point of distraction. In short: the angst.
\par I pee in existential window boxes.
\par Regarding the pots themselves }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  I am indifferent.
\par I am pretty certain that I expel not on the containers but on the life that they contain. I urinate on growth itself and not on the confines of its development. I am capable of peeing on houseplants
 wherever they may be. I did it in elevators and on standpipes, around hedges, and in our pristine roo}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ms }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  my former wife's and mine.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid10690634 
\par Long ago, I passed urine in an empty classroom in my school where they wasted mornings grooming dim}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch -}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 witted girls to be ine
ffectual secretaries. That was my first exposure and aberrant liquefaction. I used a desiccated little pot. Truth be told, I was not to blame. The janitor locked me in without allowing for my incontinent bladder, the consequence of chronic prostatitis fro
m early adolescence.
\par Thus incarcerated among the minacious rows of electric typewriters, I did what I had to do on the turf of the schoolroom's only flowerpot. I spent two blissful months of cooped up afternoons there, typing my finals thesis about}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
 the last days of Adolf Hitler.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
\par As my book-length paper progressed, the classroom reeked of stale excretions. The plant first shrivel}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch l}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 ed, changing its colo}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch u}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
r from dusty khaki to limpid yellow and then to screaming orange. It was only a short way from there to the f
amiliar brown-spotted murk that accompanied the grounded shrub's desperate contortions, attempting to evade the daily acidic chastisement I meted out.
\par At last, it twisted around itself, in a herbal agoni}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch s}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 ing whirl, and froze. It became a stump, a remnant, 
the arid memory of an erstwhile plant. It formed a tiny cavity that whistled with the breeze. It assumed the air of parchment, increasingly transl}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ucent as I further drenched it.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
\par It was the first time I witnessed the intricacies of death in action. Being at hand, I was its main or only agent, the first and sole determinant of its triumph over life. I meticulously documented each convolution of the inferior organism. I reali}{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch s}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 ed that few can reliably recount the withering of a plant in such conditions. Its wilting is bound to elude the finest of detectives if he refuses to acknowledge my sodden contribution.
\par This was, indeed, the point: an opportunity to murder, replete with the attendant pleasures of a protracted torturing to de}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ath }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  and still to be absolved.}{\rtlch 
\af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
\par Are you upset?
\par Then ask yourselves: what shocks you in the passing of a flower i}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch n a classroom thirty years ago?}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
\par You have no ready answer.
\par Lately, I adopted this novel habit of peeing in foreign toilets, around the bowls, creating fizzing ponds on shimmerin
g floors. I half expect the tiles to yellow and to bronze and then to rarefy into limpidity. But porcelain is more resilient than certain forms of life. It keenly feeds on urine. It's not the way to go. Must find another ven}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
ue to explore that wet frisson.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
\par I exit lavatories engrossed in mourning, dejected, nostalgia-inundated.
\par I heave myself onto a leathery love seat and crumble, am embryo ensconced. I must completely reconsider I know not what, till when, what purpose to this contemplation. At least the rabid dousing of flower pots is meanin}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch gful }{\rtlch 
\af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  I pee, therefore I kill.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
\par But this incomprehensible trot from john to armchair and back appears to be the wrong trajectory. On the other hand, I found no other path and an internal voice keeps}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  warning me to delve no deeper.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid10690634 
\par I gather that my wife has left a while back. She used to wonder why the plants in our apartment expire soon and many. She changed the fading vegetation, never the dying earth. Not having heard her questions (and the plants being untouched), I conc
lude, with a fair amount }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch of certainty, that she is gone.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
\par No point in peeing into pots whose plants are dead. My wife would have enjoyed the metaphor. She says that what you see with me is never what you get. I find it difficult to imagine what she would ha
ve said had she known about my disposal habits. It would have fit}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  her theory about me, for sure.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
\par At any rate, I am not inclined to water urns whose flowers withered. Unholy urine, such as mine, is most unl}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ikely to effect a resurrection.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
\par I religiously wash 
my hands after the act. This might be considered out of character as I owned up to peeing whichever way, on plants and other objects. Sometimes the wind messes up the stream and sprays me teasingly. I cannot always shower and scouring my palms is kind of 
a ritual: "see you, after all, I am purged."
\par I miss my wife, the malleable folds o}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch f creamy skin I used to nibble.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
\par Now there is no one I can peck and the flat is constantly in dusk. I am unable }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  really, unwilling }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid10690634  to get off the lounger I dragged to the en
trance of the toilet. I wish I had someone I could gnaw at. Coming to think of it, my wife would have been interested in the details of my soggy deviance. But I am pretty certain that she would have been the only one. And, even so, her curiosity would hav
e been mild at best. Or non-exist}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ent, now that she has vanished.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
\par I cleanse my hands again. It's safer. One never knows the mischief of the winds. Why should I risk the inadvertent introduction of my waste into my mouth while eating?
\par When my wife informed me
 she is bailing out of our depressing life, she insisted that I was the first to abandon her. She accused me of emotional absenteeism. I was in the throes of a particularly gratifying leak on the undergrowth around a crimson fireplug. The oxblood soil, no
w frothy }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch laced, aflame, the setting sun.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
\par I placed the call to her naively. She bid farewell, her voice was steel, and she was gone.
\par I instantly grasped the stark futility of any war I'd wage to bring her back. I also knew it'll never be the same, peeing on 
plants. I am bound to remember her and what and how she said, the frightful burn, that swoon. I must have turned yellow-pale, then brown-orange, and putrefactive arteries have sprung throughout me. I couldn't do a thing but writhe under her sentence.

\par The m
uffled sounds of cars from outside. Some people tell the make by distant rumbles: deep bass, stentorian busses, the wheezing buzz of compacts. I play this guessing game no longer. I understand now that the phone won't ring, that the house if empty, that t
here is nothing to revive a shrivel}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch l}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 ed shrub, immersed in urine, implanted in ammoniac soil.
\par I think about the last days of Hitler: how he roamed his underground bunker with imagined ulcers, poisoning his beloved canines, his birthday party, and how he wed his mistress the day before the twain committed suicide.
\par How they were both consumed by fire.
\par This was the topic of my dissertation when I urinated for the first time in a flowerpot, in my childhood high school, in my forlorn birth town, so long ago. I had no choice. The s}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch chool's caretaker locked me in.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid10690634 
\par And this is what I wrote:
\par How two get married knowing they will soon be dead and how it matters not to them. They exterminate the dogs and chew on cyanide, having instructed everyone beforehand regarding the disposal of their bodies. And then the shot.
\par Their last few days I studied in those early days of mine. Their last few days.
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }{\field\flddirty{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch HYPERLINK  \\l "_C_O_N"}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch {\*\datafield 08d0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b0200000008000000070000005f0043005f004f005f004e000000}}}{\fldrslt {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \cs15\ul\cf2 Return}}}{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \page 
\par 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s1\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\outlinelevel0\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \ab\af35\afs24\alang1037 \ltrch \b\f35\fs24\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch {\*\bkmkstart _The_Future_of}{\*\bkmkend _The_Future_of}The Future of Madeleine
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch by Sam Vaknin
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \ai\af35 \ltrch \i Read the }{\field\flddirty{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \ai\af35 \ltrch \i 
 HYPERLINK "http://samvak.tripod.com/madlein.html" }{\rtlch \ai\af35 \ltrch \i {\*\datafield 
00d0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b0200000003000000e0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b4c00000068007400740070003a002f002f00730061006d00760061006b002e0074007200690070006f0064002e0063006f006d002f006d00610064006c00650069006e002e00680074006d006c00000000}}
}{\fldrslt {\rtlch \ai\af35 \ltrch \cs15\i\ul\cf2\charrsid5261779 Hebrew original}}}{\rtlch \ai\af35 \ltrch \i .
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par 
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 Madeleine lodged us in a tiny cubicl
e at the end of a corridor. Her establishment is all tidy and neat, but miniature. Madeleine's doll house, this hotel. At dawn, she rises and fixes a basic breakfast in the ground floor kitchenette. Scents of bacon and fried eggs waft through the building
 and shifts change at the reception desk, the weary loudly welcoming their alert replacements.
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \fi173\li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
Madeleine takes note with gravity of the report submitted by the outgoing crew and updates the incomers with its details. Her make-up always fresh, her hair fluff
y, her attire impeccable and stainless. Her sexuality harnessed by a prim-looking business suit, her lipstick an insinuated crimson.
\par Eli blinks at the sun and shields his eyes under a sinewy arm, flanked by two thick and raven eyebrows.
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch "They should pass a law}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 " }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  he argues to no one in particular }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 
\endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  "People ought to work by night and sleep throughout the day. Let the nocturnal be diurnal and vice versa."
\par The same sentence every tortured awakening. His ostentatious misery provokes contagious mirth in both of 
us. We go hysterical among the crumpled sheets, beating the shrunken pillows with our fists (his outsizing mine). At long last, Eli gets up and goes to shave and shower in the nude.
\par I am not embarrassed. Straddling the minuscule bath tub, I mutter:
\par "We are penniless."
\par "Yes, I am aware of it" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
 sighs Eli and whips the sink with lathered razor. He uses his fleshy backhand to wipe the frothy mirror. Pressing his nostrils upwards, ham-handed, he shaves the cobalt patches of his nascent beard and whiskers.
\par "I got myself a sucker for a backgammon match. He is from {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}Iran{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}. Was a Minister of labo}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch u}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid10690634 r or agriculture or something like that}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \'85}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 " }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
 he hisses a curse and cleanses a pearl of blood from prominent chin.
\par "What else?" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  I enquire offhandedly. I know Eli well. He is too calm.
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch "Listen}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 " }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  he enthuses as though the idea just budded in his mind }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 
\endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  "there is this Jewish cardiologist, filthy rich, Marc. He lives all by himself in a six-room apartment in the sixteenth arrondissement. I introduced him to this chick and now they are getting hitched."

\par I keep my peace, awaiting the d\'e9nouement. Eli eyes me slyly:
\par "I told him you are a genius and that we are planning a convention of Sephardim in {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}Israel{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}, sponsored by Itzhak Navon, the former pres
ident. It set him on fire."
\par I cross my legs and inspect closely a bloodied mole embedded in my thigh.
\par "What have you got there?" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  enquires Eli }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
 "Anyhow, this guy is loaded, I am telling you. We can easily fleece him for five grand or more for the consultancy we are planning on opening here, in {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname City}}Paris{\*\xmlclose}
{\*\xmlclose}. Add to this my cousin's money and the dough from the dentist and that computer guy }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  and we are in business."
\par "If it survives your gambling" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  I interject tranquilly.
\par "You are such a doomsayer!" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  Eli fumes, banging the bathroom door behind him.
\par A minute later, smirking }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  "Remember the wife of the Sorbonne professor at yesterday's dinner?" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid10690634  I nod }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  "She called me this morning. She wants to interview me for a WIZO newsletter, or some such. I told her 
the only way to quiz me is on my bed, in my hotel room. She laughed and said that this is how she conducts all her assignment}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch s anyhow}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 " }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch 
\af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  marvels Eli }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  "So, take a walk, knock back some coffee, munch on a croissant or something."
\par There is a cramped restaurant on the intersection, up the street, opposite the {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname PlaceName}}Military{\*\xmlclose} {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname PlaceType}}Academy{\*\xmlclose}
{\*\xmlclose}. Every afternoon, for months now, I eat my duck in garlic there. Sometimes, Eli and I adopt this mock Swedish accent and demand the most improbable of dishes, barely able to contain our hilarity. The tortured waiters shun us.
\par Now, waiting for a table to clear, I bury my head in giant mug of greasy coffee replete with floating isles of pastry. Then back to the hotel in a deliberate slow moti}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch on.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
\par Eli is sitting on a chair, bare feet on window ledge. The bed a muddle of ejaculated sheets. He casts a sluggish glance in my direction, upheaves, and dresses perfunctorily.
\par "I fixed with Marc. He is waiting for us. Don't start with petulant expressions and your usual brattiness. Be nice, we can no longer afford even our morning coffee."
\par A scarface Vietnamese with a tintinnabulary dialect minds the reception desk in the deserted lobby. Eli looks disappointed but mumbles "morning". We stroll towards the nearest}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  metro station down the street.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid10690634 
\par Marc's spacious abode is in a newly renovated building. Bareness reverberates through six high-ceilinged rooms. The hulking cardiologist lives in the kitchen. He butchers meditatively a silver herring wrapped in a sla
b of putrid cheese laid on an ageing slice of bread. He licks lubricious swollen fingers, extending them for handshake, and smacks his fleshy lips.
\par "Sit down, please" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  he utters cordially }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  "You're welcome!"}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
 His Hebrew, guttural and broken. Though somewhat stooping, Marc has the countenance of a Belmondo. Eli attacks the remnants of the kipper, stuffing his face with staling crumbs. "Where's Mazal?" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch 
\af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  he enquires, between the mout}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch hfuls, dodging digested scraps.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
\par Masticating, Marc responds:
\par "She suddenly took off. She said she couldn't stand it here."
\par There follows a duet of smarmy nibbles, the unctuous morsels of a feigned alliance and selfish solidarity, the smutty autop}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch sy of smoke-dried, gutted love.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
\par Eli assures him: "I will get her back to you" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \endash  }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 and Marc embarks on careful planning, strategy and tactics of the reconquista }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch 
\af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  when Mazal steps indoors. A vague air of long lost familiarity, a memorable face }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
 the curving forehead, dark ponds for eyes, a boxer's nose.
\par "Marc" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  she exclaims.
\par Sheathed in a hail of breadcrumbs and disintegrating cheese, the ursine pilgrim approaches her: "Mazal!"
\par They do not touch each other, not even the customary kiss on cheek. Mazal says: "I am going to put my things in the bedroom" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  and smiles at me.
\par Eli coughs politely:
\par "Mar
c, we will leave you, guys, alone. Be a man, won't you? Show your love, woo her, be romantic. A woman is not a cow, to mount, to screw, and then to turn your back on and go to sleep. A woman needs attention, flowers, a restaurant and orchestra on her birt
hday, buy her a fresh dress here and there. Plunge your hand in your pocket. Be stingy and die lonely!"
\par Marc assents despondently, his eyes riveted to Mazal's swaying buttocks.
\par "Marc" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  implores Eli }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
 "let's finish this business with the money. To establish the firm, I must deposit}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  it in the bank this afternoon.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 "
\par Marc casts a haunted, ensnared glance at Eli's general direction.
\par But Eli strikes relentless:
\par "Marc, she'll be out of the room any minute now. If we keep arguing over these stinking five thousand dollars, you will lose her forever. Either you're in or you're out. The time to decide is here and now."
\par "I'm in, I'm in" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  stammers Marc, defeated. He noisily dodders to the adjacent room. Eli winks a
t me expectantly. Marc returns with a bulky wad of cash and a stained, much folded, piece of rubricated paper.
\par "Sign this, both you" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  he growls and, mournfully, to himself: "fifty thousand francs."
\par "A mere five thousand dollars" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  Eli corrects him }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  "and 
the money doubles each half a year or so. Welcome, partner!"
\par Marc reciprocates with a feeble handshake and crumbles onto a kitchen stool. The flickering neon light weighs on his luxuriant eyelids, skirting the shady folds under his sockets. Eli bows and wh
ispers hoarsely in our sponsor's hirsute ear: "Go to her, Marc. She is waiting for you. She is a woman."
\par Marc gestures half-heartedly but doesn't budge. Eli shrugs disparagingly and signals me to follow him.
\par Back in the street, he gleefully observes:
\par "She'll never stay with him."
\par We promenade in silence and then:
\par "It's five thousand US dollars we made today! We earned ourselves a normal lunch for a change. I haven't eaten properly since all those bets."
\par Eli used to wager meals in fine eateries on the outcom
es of a quiz. The terms were thus: the dupe he lured could ask me ten questions which I correctly answered. I, in my turn, would then perplex the prey with a single, insoluble, challenge. I never lost. But when I won from Eli his platinum tie clip and pai
r of cufflinks, the betting stopped.
\par A tangled web of avenues and squares, the foliaged daubs of green and orange, the ash-clad buildings eerily aglow. Swirling bouquets of men in women, hormone-exuding teens, whores and their clients are negotiating seed. {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname 
place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname City}}Paris{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose} perspires lust under the seething sun.
\par The corner drugstore is congested. Eli devours the headlines of a week-old Israeli paper. He doesn't even notice Mayer who occupies a seat beside him. His lips give shape to writhing syllables. Mayer regards his efforts with nauseated fascination.
\par "Eli" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  I exclaim }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  "Look who is here! If it isn't Mayer!"
\par "Mayer!" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  Eli wrinkles the daily }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
 "What are you doing here? When did you arrive? Care for a little backgammon match?"
\par Mayer sneers, his bellows chest pulsating. With effeminate hand, he smears the effluence of the mall's tropic mic}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ro-climate on his balding head.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
\par "You are still the same, you piece of shit" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  he roars and they embrace affectionately.
\par Eli and Mayer are always in the throes of some conspiracy and I stay in the room, deterred by the metropolitan expanse, leafing through an illustrated French encyclop}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch a}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
edia. Madeleine intrudes infrequently, ostensibly to enquire of my needs, but really t}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch o find out if Eli had returned.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
\par I pity her. I say:
\par "Eli met a friend of his from {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}Israel{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}. His name is Mayer."
\par She snorts bitterly and hangs up on my compassion.
\par Eli and Mayer stagger into the hotel at night, with fur-packed beauties hanging on their arms. Up, in the room, Eli points a stubby finger and enquires: "How much to do this guy?" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid10690634  }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch t}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 hey gauge me unappreciatively and mumble something. Eli and Mayer burst into convulsive merriment.
\par Eli continues, exhaling heavily: "And that includes his dog?"
\par The girls recoil, torrentially blaspheming, and fling their imitation leather purses at the now much-bolted door.
\par Their voices fade along the corridor and up the creaking stairs.
\par I am left alone, in thought, pierced by their assaying gaze, when Eli breaks into the room, stark-naked, a}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch nd drags me to the floor above.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
\par "Come, come!" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  he hastens me }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
 "You mustn't miss this! Two stunners making it. This is something you have never seen before, I bet!"
\par "I don't want to!" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  I whisper, prying my shoulder loose from his clammy vise }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
 "Leave me alone!" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  and I retreat, scuttling}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch , to the safety of the landing.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
\par "You are a nutcase, that's what you are!" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  Eli now pelts me from his elevated perch }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid10690634  "Even a homosexual would be excited! Such knockouts, a ton of breasts, exquisite asses, that's what you are missing, you hear me?"
\par By morning his wrath subsides. Casting a waxy arm over his fluttering eyes, he bloc}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ks the fervid light and croaks:}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
\par "They should pass a law."
\par "Where's Mayer?" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  I enquire.
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch "Up in the room}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 " }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  he giggles }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid10690634  "Stuck with the whores. They claim to have been nurses in a hospital. When he re}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch vives, he will have to pay them}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 " }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch 
\af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  he finds it side}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch -}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 splitting.
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch "Madeleine was looking for you}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 " }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  I informed him and added }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }
{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  "Many times." I evaded his scolding stare, turning the pages in my book in the wrong direction.
\par "What}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  did you tell her?" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  he rasps.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
\par "Nothing whatsoever."
\par "And she?"
\par "Said none."
\par \~"We will visit her this evening" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  Eli decrees and drops the subject altogether.
\par A few minutes later:
\par "Stay here" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  he exits and locks the door behind him.
\par I contemplate the wooden planks that stand between me and the hallway and ruffle the pages of my book. When I rise to fill my cup with water from the corner sink, the walls reverberate with Mayer's blows.
\par "Where is the son of a bitch?" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  he bawls }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  "Wait till I lay my hands on him!"

\par "He is not here. He descended earlier." Mayer digest the information and then attacks the doorknob viciously. "Is he inside? He locked you in?" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
 suspicion-impregnated pause }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  "Open the door! You won't?"
\par "He locked me in, he's gone, I have no key, I cannot open up" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
 and Mayer curses audibly. He is suddenly besieged by agitated female voices and tries to weave his tattered French into a sentence. The sounds recede as, having yielded, he climbs to the cubicle, apparently to recompense them.
\par By now the hotel is virtually deserted of its guests and of their echoes. Time is marked by the cheerful banter of the staff, some heated arguments, the weary vacuuming of carpets, the squeaky linen trolley. The equanimity of the eternal. Bathed in an}{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch a}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
emic light, I watch my legs and arm, propped on a thickset book, with growing alienation. When Eli unlocks the door, he, too, does not belong. Not an invader but an error, the wrong protagonist of an unfinished novel.
\par Failing to pierce the dusk, he blinks his way towards the light switch and beats it into brightness. He eyes me intensely, his rare but most inspiring insect. "Get dressed. We need to be at Madeleine's in half an hour." A feline leap into the bathroom and
 Eli, urinates, legs wide apart, the door ajar, letting out the hissing voice and pungent smell of fizzing pee.
\par Still steeped in unreality, I kneel. From battered suitcase, tucked under the bed, I extract a rumpled blazer, age-patinated pants. "Put on cravat!" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  he snaps }{\rtlch 
\af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  "She is not a floozy, has a l}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ot of style}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 " }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid10690634  he sounds proud. I don a necktie.
\par "Now listen up" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  Eli expounds }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
 "I told her about you, she thinks you are a demigod. She is convinced that you can tell the future. A few things about her: she is widowed, rich, and lonely. She has a Turkish paramour, a yachtsman. He works the {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}
{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname City}}Paris{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose} line and ends here once a month."
\par "What does he look like?" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  I probe and Eli, violently revolted, unfurls my tie knot and motions me to start anew.
\par "Tall, swarthy, beefy, moustache. She is addicted to me. She wants me to move over to her place."
\par "I reali}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch s}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 e that" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  I retort, irritably }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch \charrsid10690634  "I am not blind, you know."
\par The taxi crawls into a murky parking lot and Eli and I sneak towards the glass paned entrance and
 press the intercom. Madeleine buzzes us in immediately, no questions asked. Silhouetted against the backlit doorframe, extended arm on jamb, she is carved into her wavy gown. Eli pecks her turned cheek and brushes against her nipples. I do not.
\par She doesn't even wait for us to settle down, thrusting her palm forward, digits outspread, under my flushing face. Her robe unravels some, hi}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch nting at ample, creamy breasts.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
\par "Give me a reading" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  she commands me hoarsely. I notice now her layered makeup, the sweat ravines and mascara pools, shaven a}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
brasions where chin meets neck.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
\par I contemplate her tiny hand, curvaceous, and say:
\par "I see a man."
\par "Who is he?" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  she prods with bated breath }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
 "How does he look and what is our future?"
\par "A towering man of dark complexion}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \'85}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 " }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
 a built-in hesitation, the vision blurring, Eli and I have practiced this on many women, a tiresome routine. I close my eyes, waggle my head, clasp knees in helplessness, writhe for a while, exhale:
\par "He wears a fine moustache. I see great waters}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \'85}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 "
\par She yelps in fear and joy.
\par "You are two lovers}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \'85 A boat, he is on it \'85 and the sea\'85}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 "
\par Eli suppresses yawns, but Madeleine vaults into her bedroom, barefooted thumps on tiled floor. These fleshy thuds arouse. She reappears and kneels beside me, scattering purplish Polaroids on a nearby coffee table.
\par "That's him" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  she pinkie-indicates a snapshot }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  "In Turkey, {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1
{\factoidname place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname City}}Istanbul}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch {\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}\'85}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 "
\par Her scent is primal, her neck too short but sculpted, she moistens lips with lithe, inviting tongue.
\par Eli boasts of me: "You see, what did I tell you? There's nothing he don't know, he see it all, a genius, he is the talk of every town in {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}Israel}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}\'85}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 "
\par "You must have told him in advance" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  Madeleine pouts and lays a shapely arm on Eli's thigh. Hair sprouts shaggy in her cavernous armpit.
\par "I swear to you I haven't!" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  Eli withdraws, offended.
\par "Your father took you when you were a child" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  I startle both, reading the headlines of an inner bulletin unfolding }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  "You conceived his child and then aborted. I hear the baby whimpering."
\par For one delirious moment, they both appraise me, shocked}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch , albeit for different reasons.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
\par "What did you say?" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  Eli recovers first but Madeleine shrieks, reduced to a blubbering heap of mouth and shoulders. The muted viole
nce of buried words tears at her body. She rends the carpet and vainly reconstructs it. Still sobbing mutely, Eli consoles her impotently, casting condemning glances my way as though exclaim}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ing "Look what you have done!"}{\rtlch 
\af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
\par Madeleine is quieter now but welled-up ripples traverse her crouching figure.
\par She whispers something and Eli puts an ear to quavering lips. Another hiss and Eli lays an incidental hand on Madeleine's heaving chest and counter-whispers. A lengthy verbal intercourse ensues. She nods assent and Eli jumps, enthused.
\par "Join me today to see something you haven't seen in your entire life!"
\par With Eli this could only mean sex but something in his voice forbids me to refuse, an ominous promise, a kind of incest. Madeleine strolls dreamily into her bedroom and emerges mo}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch u}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
lded into a mustard toga and silver stiletto heels. Under the flowing robe, she is ensconced in nylon tights and a bikini top.
\par We drive through fluoresced, abandoned boulevards, awash with rustling leaves. A car or two speeds by, the metro stations gargle. Madeleine's numb face is ravaged by the intermittence of the lights. Her lifeless hands clutch at the steering wheel an}{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch d hardly turn it left or right.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
\par "It's here" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  says Eli.
\par We descend few stairs to face a peeping hole embedded in a met
al door which Eli raps. A mushroomed eye appears, withdraws, the gate is opened by a decaying woman, a brownish cigarette holder dangling from scarlet orifice. She motions us in with remnant grace.
\par We deposit overcoats and bags in a tucked-in wardrobe and 
negotiate a red-lit passageway into a bar. It's crowded. The patrons, slumped in upholstered armchairs and facing round glass-tops, are catered to by bow-tied waiters. These take their orders, serve them, replace the over}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  }{\rtlch 
\af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 spilling ashtrays, collect the checks, and smile profusely at the favo}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ured clients.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
\par Eli shoves me towards a giant curtain.
\par "Cent-six" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  he sounds awed }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
 "One hundred and six. This is the address and the name of this establishment. The bar is merely cover. You c}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ould call it a hundred and five}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 " }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  he tsks and snickers gruffly, his hand engirdling Madeleine's waist. Her eyes are distant now, her hair atypically dishevel}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch l}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
ed. Skimpy clothes askew, her chalky body flares into the haze.
\par Eli rams his tailor's dummy toward the draped partition. He le
ts her pass and follows. I join them in a musky, clouded room. The light is dim, the cubicle immersed in droning chatter. Eli directs attention to the furthest corner: "She comes here every day. She must consume a bucketful of sperm."
\par A woman's head is bobbing in a virile loin, with one hand she is kneading his erupting masculinity, the other rubs another's member. Right next to them, a female self-impales on hoary groin. E}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch li drives Madeleine to the cent}{\rtlch 
\af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 r}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch e}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 , disrobes and strips her of her vestments with rapid s}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch leight of hand.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
\par She stands there, nude voluptuousness, uneasy feet and fisted palms, her eyes occluded. She breathes tortuously. Eli fondles he
r breasts and passes a lustful hand between her legs. Others approach and taste her hesitatingly. Five minutes later, she vanishes under a pack of males, tree branch obscured by bee hives. Only her toes are visible, bouncing, contracting, flexed and still
, fanned and convergent. Men rise, wiping off semen and others take their steamy place. Men on her breasts, men on her limbs, men in her orifices.
\par A tall, dark woman invites me to a party. I decline, she shrugs and proposes to another. I fall asleep.
\par Eli stirs me awake.
\par "Let's go home" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  he croaks. He rubs a pair of bloodshot eyes between two fingers.
\par "Where is Madeleine?" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  I cover my mouth to arrest the morning odo}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch u}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 rs.
\par "She is gone" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  says Eli, ireful }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  "She went home and so should we. Come on."

\par It is a lengthy, silent stride to our hotel. Eli stops by the reception de}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch sk, as though awaiting someone.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
\par Back in the room, he asks:
\par "How did you know about her father? He really mounted her when she was young."
\par "I didn't know. It sometimes happens. I can't control it."
\par Eli regards me s}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch c}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 eptically and plunges to the bed, fully-attired. He rests his head on interlocking hands and canvasses the slanted ceiling. Then he turns on his side and begs:
\par "Please read my palm."
\par "Stop it, Eli. I am exhausted. It's been a long day. Anyhow I am bluffing, it's a charade, a con, a trick. You of all people should know that."
\par "Please divine my future" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  Eli pleads, alarmed }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
 "I have a feeling something real bad is going to happen soon."
\par I hold his massive palm in mine and study the sooty definite creeks}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  that cross and intersect.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
\par "You are losing your wife these very days" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  I pronounce, almost inaudibly }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
 "You are in {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname City}}Paris{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose} and she is no longer yours back home."
\par "What did you say, speak up, I am telling you!" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  Eli panics.
\par "You are losing {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname City}}Zehava{\*\xmlclose}, {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname State}}OK{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}? Now will you let me be?" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash 
}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  I shrill and keep grumbling }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  "You have already lost her, she is no longer yours", until I drop off.
\par I wake into the cadaverous silence of an early afternoon. Madeleine is on the phone:
\par "Samuel" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  her voice is as imperious and decisive as ever }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
 "Eli departed in the morning. Went back to {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}Israel{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}. Some kind of family emergency, he said."
\par I wait.
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch "I ask you to leave this hotel}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 " }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  she carries on }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch 
\af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  "You owe me nothing, you don't have to pay. I will settle the accounts with Eli when he is back. I simply want you out of here this instant."
\par Sleep-drunk, exuding tar and alcohol, I petition her:
\par "Where will I go?"
\par "There's a small inn on the {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}Left Bank{\*\xmlclose}. I reserved a room for you, it's cheap."
\par She hangs up on me.
\par I am in the midst of hurried packing when Eli calls:
\par "Shmuel" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  his voice is crackling static, dim, and foreign }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
 "Zehava has someone. She wants a divorce and to take the kids. I feel like a boatman who has lost his oars, the bitch. I go to {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname City}}Paris{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}
 to make a living, to create a business for our future, and she whores around}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \'85}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 "
\par I gently place the sizzling receiver on the bed and drag my book-laden suitcase to the corridor and then, thunderously, down the spiral staircase.
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }{\field\flddirty{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch HYPERLINK  \\l "_C_O_N"}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch {\*\datafield 08d0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b0200000008000000070000005f0043005f004f005f004e000000}}}{\fldrslt {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \cs15\ul\cf2 Return}}}{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \page 
\par 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s1\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\outlinelevel0\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \ab\af35\afs24\alang1037 \ltrch \b\f35\fs24\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch {\*\bkmkstart _The_Out_Kid}{\*\bkmkend _The_Out_Kid}The Out Kid
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch by Sam Vaknin
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par 
\par 
\par 
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 Sima was six years old when she died. Mother 
turned off the television and instructed me to go to my grandma's home at once. It was that time of day between retiring sunlight and emerging gloom. My grandmother was sobbing silently, seated gingerly on a shabby couch, her face buried in an oversized a
nd crumpled handkerchief. My grandpa, muted, just hugged her close. It all reminded me of a Passover Eve, refreshments strewn on tables, hastily appended by my uncles}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  and covered with flowery rags.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid10690634 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \fi173\li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 All lights were on, tarring the wiry tree in the garden wit
h juddering shadows. I sat in the corner, thinking about Sima, wondering if her beauty survived her death. They said she had leukemia and vomited blood incessantly. She died, awash with it, her pallid face depressed against my grandpa's shoulder. I ponder
ed if it was right to go on loving her. I thought about Uzi, her brother and my cousin.
\par After the funeral, Uzi was sent to a Kibbutz, never to return, leaving behind unfinished cowboy-and-Indian games on my grandmother's verandah. There were so many things I had to tell him but he was gone.
\par A few months later, my aunt invited me to join her to visit the Kibbutz. In her youth, she was a green-eyed, lithe beauty }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
 cascading, raven hair and my mother's cheekbones, but gentler. She divorced still young and then Sima died on her and she found employment in {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname City}}Haifa{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}
, in a }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch hospice for the terminally ill.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
\par She was a recluse, living in a tiny, viewless flat which she compulsively scoured and polished. She spared her words and I was deterred by these and other ecc
entricities. But I wanted to see Uzi again and talk to him, as we used to. I imagined his full-cheeked laughter and the sparkl}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch e in his eyes, under his curls.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
\par So, I said I'll come along and found myself, one summer morning, accompanying my aunt to the Kibbutz, a winding, dusty way. We switched countless buses and sipped orange juice through straws and my aunt tilted her wide-brimmed hat to expose a lock of gr}{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch e}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 ying hair. Her eyes were moist. She said: "I am going to see my Uzi now. It's been so long." The sun invaded her fedora, imprisoning her quavering lips behind a beaming grid.
\par I wanted to enquire why did she send Uzi to the Kibbutz to start with and tell her how I missed his smile, our games, the bucket loads of water he would pour on me after we bathed i
n the nearby sea. But I refrained because her eyes went metal when she mentioned him. She never even mentioned Sima.
\par So, there we were, standing at the gate, she and I and our gear, all packed in fading plastic bags at our feet, enshrouded by the black vapo}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch u}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
r of the shimmering asphalt and the roaring and receding bus. My aunt, contemplating the waning transport, grabbed my sweaty palm and lifted the rustling shopping bags. A whiskered driver of a tractor regarded us with curiosity, then guided us to our des
tination.
\par My aunt clenched a childish fist to tap the door, but left it hanging in mid-air awhile. Then, she let it drop, an alien appendage. She removed her hat, clinging to it awkwardly, straightened the wrinkles in her dress and gazed at her flat patent
 shoes uncomfortably. She knocked on the outer screen rigidly and the sounds reverberated in the house like distant thunder.
\par The door was opened so instantly that we recoiled. My aunt stared at the middle-aged woman and returned her barely audible "hello".
 It was as though her body shrunk. She undulated with her baggage eagerly. The older woman's lips were smiling at my aunt, but her eyes remained on guard.
\par She told me to look for Uzi in the animal corner, close to the mountain, among the cowsheds and cages. She needs to talk to my aunt in private, she ventured unnecessarily.
\par She softly shut the door behind me and I stood, dazed by the scorching sun. Barefoot and well-tanned kids, clad in shorts and T-shirts, surrounded and studied me and I reciprocated. I f
roze and they did not get closer. We formed two groups and measured one another.
\par A bird-like girl broke the spell: "Are you a new Out Kid?"
\par I didn't know what was an Out Kid. I told her that I was Uzi's cousin and that I am searching for him.
\par She gave a toothy smile, crossed the invisible barrier and held my trembling hand: "Let's go". She examined me, astounded, when I withdrew and violently extracted myself from her grasp.
\par We silently traversed some green-hedged paths. Brown signs with massive yellow lett
ering were everywhere. She navigated deftly among the gravel and the fences until we reached a bank of crates, laid on the sun-parched ground and hosting rabbits. Their wheezy, ribbed breathing nearly unstitched their fur.
\par Uzi was standing there, his back to us. He leaned his head on an extended arm, supported by the cage's frame, perusing a frightened rodent, whose nostrils twitched with desperation.
\par I called out: Uzi! He turned around listlessly and looked at me, as though unsure of my identity. My guide 
hopped from one dainty foot to another, her discomfiture increasing. Finally she departed and joined the growing bunch of children that monitored us from afar.
\par "It is a porcupine" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  said Uzi, his eyes averted. "I tend to it and to the entire animal corner. We have sheep and horses, too" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 
\endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  he hugged the circumference with a bronzed gesticulation. "I climb the mountain daily with my father" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
 he added. I kept silent. His real father deserted him when he was toddler.
\par Uzi grew quiet, too. He kicked a pile of dry manure and asked me if I want to see the cows and I said I did and off we went. It was like in the olden days, when he and Sima and myself strolled down the white-hot pavements. She had an auburn mane she locke
d into a ponytail, her mother's eyes, green tarns, a swan's own neck. She made us laugh at the unexpected femininity of her most childish enquiries.
\par Then and there, with Uzi by my side, it was as nothing happened, a midsummer's nightmare, when you wake, perspiring, but in a familiar bed.
\par We talked profusely and laughed and I inevitably dived into some straw-infested fertilizer and didn't mind at all because Uzi was with me to pour large bucketfuls of glacial water he carried from a nearby stream. I closed my
 eyes and pretended to be at sea, to have brought along the spraying waves and the caressing breeze, a gift to Uzi, and a reminder.
\par The native kids just followed us, their eyes azure, their skins a seamless copper. They tracked our movements with naked, strapping bodies and clean-smelling hair. They clung to us and giggled secretly and pointed at Uzi and whispered in each other's elfi
}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch n ears, and then they chuckled.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
\par Uzi said not a word. He passed a soothing hand on a horse's muzzle and a cow's leg and the pulsating furs of bunnies. He gently pulled their elongated ears and they scurried to and fro and made him laugh. He had a gurgling, erupting laughter, Uzi had.

\par We climbed a thorny, stone-filled road atop a hill, pausing to look at the vanishing Kibbutz at our feet. "There's my home" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
 Uzi singled out a cubicle. I wasn't sure which one he meant, but I did not insist. I only looked at the hazy greenery and at the gleaming swimming pool and said: "Let's go down, I am worn out."
\par The children awaited our descent and cried at Uzi, who ignored them. He only hastened his steps and so did I. They followed us. Surrounded, stranded on a tiny path, we stopped. They shoved Uzi and pulled.
\par "Who is he?" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  they demanded }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  "Why did he come here? Where is he from?"
\par He frowned and said: "It's no one special. He just came with my mother from over there" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  with a vague gesture to indicate the nowhere.
\par T}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch he girl fixed me with her gaze.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
\par "It's nothing, it's no one! He is only here for a visit, I am telling you!" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  Uzi pleaded.
\par "He must return where he came from" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
 said one of them, his eye a cold blue sparkle. His jaws rippled as he spoke, skin smooth and dry. My shirt was dabbed in sweat and hung, keeled over, from my thick, long trousers. "Let him go back" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch 
\af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  echoed the girl }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634  "We cannot have another one of you. Isn't it enough that you gorge on our food and have new parents?"
\par Uzi was soundless, his head lowered. I couldn't look into his eyes like we u
sed to do when we were sad. Sima and I had this game of who would be the first to stare down the other with an invincible, metallic look. Deep inside, I thought, this must be how Uzi sees them }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch \charrsid10690634  as enemies to be stared down and out and away.
\par One kid approa
ched and tugged him at the shoulder and Uzi stooped. It was as if a valve was drawn, the air let out, to render a misshapen Uzi. Another child stepped forcefully on Uzi's earth-baked, sweat-furrowed toes. His breath mingled with his quarry's as he increas
ed the pressure. Uzi's face contorted but he didn't budge.
\par Jaded and starved they left and we proceeded to Uzi's new abode, amidst the well-trimmed lawns and neck-high hedges. He knocked hesitantly and someone let us in. Uzi erupted in bitter sobbing, beati
ng his sides with pale-clenched fists. He stood there, squealing and grunting, like the animals in his corner and the muffled sounds filled the house and washed over the bowl of fruits and the heavy, murky curtains, and the antique wooden furniture, rebou
nding, a thousand echoes.
\par My aunt called his name. His new parents entered the kitchenette and sealed the sliding door. I had nowhere else to be. "I brought you some food" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
 said the mother and he nodded bravely and brushed aside the tears that threatened to emerge. She opened the overflowing plastic bags with learned helplessness, displaying }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch pastries she prepared at home.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid10690634 
\par But Uzi selected a mid-size orange and peeled it expertly, stuffing his mouth as he progressed. The orphaned pies adorned the table that 
stood between them. They both avoided looking at each other. Still with diverted eyes she extended an uncertain hand and touched his shoulder. He shrank under her stroke, so she withdrew and sat up, tense, straddling the edge of a recliner.
\par Thus, they circled one another wearyingly. A longcase clock ticked minutes and then hours before my aunt got up, mauling her wide-brimmed hat, and said: "I must be going now"}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ,}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
 and Uzi nodded, devouring yet another orange. He didn't even rise to bid farewell.
\par "I'll come to visit you" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid10690634 
 she promised but her pledge sounded tinny and rehearsed. Uzi consumed the fruit and stared intently at the floor. His mother took my soiled palm in hers and exited the house. No one escorted us to the gate or to the grimy station. We stood t
here, in the sweltering sun, until we heard the bus, uproarious, like echoes of a far-off battle.
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }{\field\flddirty{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch HYPERLINK  \\l "_C_O_N"}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch {\*\datafield 08d0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b0200000008000000070000005f0043005f004f005f004e000000}}}{\fldrslt {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \cs15\ul\cf2 Return}}}{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \page 
\par 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s1\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\outlinelevel0\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \ab\af35\afs24\alang1037 \ltrch \b\f35\fs24\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch {\*\bkmkstart _Pierre's_Friends}{\*\bkmkend _Pierre's_Friends}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname City}}Pierre{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}'s Friends
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch by Sam Vaknin
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par 
\par 
\par 
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname City}}Pierre{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}
 is terrified. Not hard to tell. The bald patches on his egg-shaped skull exude pearly sweat from sooty pores, a salty path down to his darkening collar. He thrusts two alcohol-swollen fingers and loosens his shabby necktie. His bloodshot eyes dart from o
ne grimy corner of the restaurant to another, avoiding Eli's.
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \fi173\li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
The three of us are seated awkwardly on the porch of an unfashionable eatery, crinkling the paper menus. {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname City}}Pierre{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}
 orders an espresso. Eli and I dismiss the hovering waiter impatiently. So now, {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname City}}Pierre{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}
 sips his lukewarm swill as we observe him closely. He coughs, expelling coffee grounds all over. We don't recoil. He chokes.
\par Only the day before it was my turn to writhe. I landed in the minuscule and gleaming airport, picked up my battered suitcase, and tailed the passport control procession. Throughout it all, I couldn't stop shivering.
\par A uniformed officer of the Border Police leafed gravely through my documents, comparing them to a neatly printed list. He picked up the receiver of an antiquated phone and tugged at its snaky cord. I strained to overhear the words that may }{\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch condemn me.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
\par But the inevitable cannot be hastened. I stood there, a rabbit caught in legal headlights on time's highway, awaiting the terminal collision with my life. I watched mayhem unfold, as each offic}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ial summoned others to consult.}{\rtlch 
\af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
\par At last I was approached and asked with firm civility to accompany a prim official to a cubicle. He placed himself behind a rickety table but offered me no seat. I remained standing. He
 then proceeded to inaudibly recite the questions printed on a faded form and I responde}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch d.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
\par He leaned back and demanded to know in which hotel I had reserved a room. I told him. It was a small establishment proffering basic services. He nodded approvingly: 
I must be a solid, thrifty person to have chosen such accommodation. It sort of placed us both, despite his social inferiority, on equal footing.
\par He solemnly informed me, in ominously florid phraseology, that I am the subject of a full investigation whose gravity cannot be overestimated. He asked me not to leave town }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid3107501  or even my hotel }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  till it is over. Do I fully understand, he queried. I nodded brusquely and noted the gleeful smirk with which he handed }{\rtlch 
\af35 \ltrch back my passport, duly stamped.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
\par I hailed a yellow cab and helped its driver stow my baggage in the trunk. Around a flowery mound, we headed strai}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ght to town and to my lodgings.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
\par The first thing I did was place a call to Eli. Surprisingly, it was he who picked up the phone.
\par He heard my convoluted tale }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  I felt his gathering gloom }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
 asked several questions and concluded:
\par "Your place, tonight}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch .}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 "
\par Still listening to the dial tone, I lay across the bed and contemplated the blotchy ceiling, projecting overflowin}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch g fears into the aqueous blots.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
\par Eli will be here, I coul
d count on him, he loved me as a son, a twin, a soul mate. We were complementary: I only knew about things that he experienced. I couldn't capture him in words like "streetwise". Eli was life itself: innocuously cruel, indifferently relentless, single-min
dedly propagative, amoral, steeped in gallows humo}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch u}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 r.
\par My employer insisted that {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname City}}Pierre{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose} admitted to a conspiracy to pass on weighty secrets }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch \charrsid3107501  commercial and political }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  to the press. He swept aside my vehement protestations and railed at me for want
ing to destroy his business empire, his life's achievement. {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname City}}Pierre{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose} confessed in the police interrogation, he seethed.
\par It was now up to an investigating magistrate to dec}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ide whether to indict us both.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
\par I knotted my tie the way Eli taught me and donned a jacket. Bathed in a springtime sun, I headed towards the flower clock near the marina by the lake. It ticked away its scented, multicolo}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch u}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
red time in pensive melancholy. I felt forlornly relieved. Whatever the outcome of the proceed}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ings, I knew this chapter ends.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
\par I recalled myself facing this timepiece on my first day in town }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
 diminutive and lost, clad in a cut-price suit of itchy blue with golden stripes. I had it custom-made in the {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}West Bank{\*\xmlclose}. I enviously sneaked furtive glances at the ubiquitous tall, well-tailored, Ar}{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch yan men who roamed the streets.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
\par In time, I, too, improved attire. My climb was meteoric: department head, division chief, then two divisions, vice president. I became a welcome guest in the hoary mountaintops and charmed castles of the world'}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch s affluent and mighty.}
{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
\par I mulled four years of images while genteelly strolling down the promenade, unfastening my necktie and nibbling at a colossal ice cream cone. At last, I flung my reefer
 on one shoulder, stuffing the stifling tie in an inside pocket. Unshackled, though officially confined, I hummed a tune and drifted aimlessly.
\par Back at the hotel, Eli, submerged in a strategically-situated lounger, leafed through the oversized pages of a local rag. He rose with difficulty from his seat and embraced me warmly. Disengaging, he scrutini}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch s}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid3107501 ed me, his two hands on my shoulders. And then another hug.
\par Sipping Campari orange, Eli attentively listened to my story. His fleshy palms wriggled involuntarily in the more stirring passages, as if to illustrate his mental notes. When I was through, he sighed: "We will extricate you from this mess."
\par I handed over {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname City}}Pierre{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}'s phone number and we went up to my room. Eli surveyed it critically: "Could be wor
se, I guess." He proceeded to sprawl on the only bed, fully clothed. Waving his legs and matching toes to heels he shed his shoe}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch s, displaying threadbare socks.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
\par He shoved a sausagey finger at the phone's rotary dial and pressed it down. It clanged into position. Eli's French was guttural and splintered. His conversation over, he gathered his discarded shoes and muttered: "Let us go."
\par That is how we came to face {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname City}}Pierre{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose} in this cafe. He compulsively passes a venous hand over his blushing ba}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ldness, to 
fend off the breeze.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
\par "You and Shmuel were friends" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  Eli implores. {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname City}}Pierre{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}
 nods eagerly, stealthily peeking at me beneath his furled eyebrows. "This is no way to treat a friend" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
 Eli hectors him, bending forward, his face skirting his interlocutor's, a burly arm cast}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  casually on creaking armrests.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
\par "What is it that you want?" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname City}}Pierre{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}
 stammers and strokes a lumpy throat. His body petrified, only his hands are squirming on the }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch table, like rodents in a maze.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
\par Eli}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  eyes his discomfiture, amused.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
\par "I want you to tell the truth and only the truth" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  he reassures {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname City}}Pierre{\*\xmlclose}
{\*\xmlclose} nonchalantly even as he mutilates a plastic straw and chucks it at {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname City}}Pierre{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}'s face. The latter's spectral pallor alternates with crimson.

\par "We don't want you testify to anything that is not the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Follow the wording of the courtroom oath tomorrow morning" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
 Eli lunges at {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname City}}Pierre{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}, a breathing distance from his startled face. I couldn't help admiring the bestial move,
 Eli's proficiency in this survival game, the managed tension betwe}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch en his bulk and supple muscles.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
\par He recoils abruptly, the quintess}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ence of indifferent equanimity.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
\par "B}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ut Shmuel gave me the documents}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 " }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname 
City}}Pierre{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose} says, attempting to resist }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  "I got the documents from him! How else could I have obtained this highly classified ma}{\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch terial that's locked in safes?"}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
\par Eli nods understandingly. He moistens a corpulent finger and uses it to haul some cigarette residues to {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname City}}Pierre{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}'s overflowing ashtray.
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch "I wonder}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 " }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  Eli, dreamily }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid3107501  "did he also tell you to sell these crucial data to the local paper with the biggest circulation }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  and for pennies?"
\par {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname City}}Pierre{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose} swallows hard. Then, ejecting all the air he hoarded since the beginning of our chat, he shakes his head: "No, this was my invention."
\par Eli glowers at}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  him with feigned astonishment.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
\par "Inven}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch tion?" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  he echoes }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  "Invention\'85}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 "
\par {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname City}}Pierre{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose} pounds the soggy butt of his mutilated cigarette under heel.
\par "I will stick to the truth in court" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  he obstinately reiterates. Eli's angelic smile.
\par "But I will tell them that Shmuel was the source of these cursed documents."
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch "Only the truth, I told you}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 " }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  Eli eggs him on solemnly}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch .}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid3107501  "Don't stray either left or right. If Shmuel was enough of a fool to give the files to unauthori}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch s}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 ed personnel,}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  that is his problem, not yours}{\rtlch 
\af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 " }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  a pause}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch .}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
 "In any case, I understand that he didn't touch a centime from the fee the magazine paid you."
\par {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname City}}Pierre{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose} looks intently at the river.
\par "No" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  he admits }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  "Shmuel didn't even know I'm going to d}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
o it, my liaison with the paper}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 " }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  reanimated }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid3107501  "I didn't share with him because he never was my partner!"
\par "Superb, superb!" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  Eli enthuses }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
 "It is such a pleasure to hold a fruitful conversation with someone as intelligent as you. By the way, what are you doing now that you've been fired? You got a job? Perhaps a hobby?"
\par {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname City}}Pierre{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}'s lips uncurl bitterly. He straightens his battered spectacles on shiny nose and passes an a}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch mnesiac hand on long-gone hair.
}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
\par "Nothing" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  he exclaims, examining Eli with hurtful slyness }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
 "The boss dumped me like that, no severance fee, no nothing, simply because he caught me drinking on the job."
\par Eli snaps calloused fingers. He orders a glass of the finest whiskey for his guest. {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname City}}Pierre{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose} smiles gratefully.
\par "We do a lot of business in {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}Europe{\*\xmlclose}, Shmuel and I" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  Eli expounds }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  "We need faithful, quick-witted collaborators. I promise you, we don't throw people to the street after years of dedicated service without enough to buy a drink on such a lovely day."
\par {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname City}}Pierre{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}
 moans as he consumes the amber potion. His eyes flit between Eli and myself. His cheekbones drip perspiring beads into his beverage. He doesn't wipe them. His nostrils flare. He gulps again.
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch "Settled then}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 " }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  Eli concludes }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid3107501  "I am delighted to have met you. We now have friends in common. We will keep}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  in touch. We shan't forget you}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 " }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch \charrsid3107501  but he stays put.
\par Shocked into action by this brusque farewell, {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname City}}Pierre{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose} dries his lips with greasy sleeve and begs:
\par "Just}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  let me give you my details\'85"}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
\par Eli's entire face implodes into a thin-lipped leer. He taps {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname City}}Pierre{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}'s stooping shoulder and pronounces:
\par "We will find you, worry not. We always find our friends. Your address is (it was). Your phone, though currently unlisted, is (the number). You share apartment with (her name). Your only child lives with his mother in this address (true)."
\par We turn our backs on a confounded {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname City}}Pierre{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose} and down the steps that lead into the street. I watch him slumped, staring ahead, th}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch e g
lass half raised and tilted.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
\par Eli commands: "Let's take a cab, I am bushed. But first, go back there and pay for all the drinks. Surely you don't expect me to pick up the tab as well?"
\par I leave him standing in the middle of the thoroughfare and return to Pierre, the catatonic. I place a note of a hundred francs in front of him but do not say a word. He waves his hand i}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch n feeble, interrupted, protest.}{\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch \charrsid3107501 
\par Eli catnaps on the}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  back seat of a waiting cab.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
\par "To the hotel" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  I tell the driver. Eli wakes.
\par He growls:
\par "It is the last time I am here to save your ass, you hear me?"
\par Standing at the entrance of our plain hotel, he grabs my shoulders and turns me around ferociously to face him.
\par He stares at me the way he did at {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname City}}Pierre{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}:
\par "This is the last time, you hear me? There will be no more"
\par I nod, he smiles, and we embrace.
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }{\field\flddirty{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch HYPERLINK  \\l "_C_O_N"}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch {\*\datafield 08d0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b0200000008000000070000005f0043005f004f005f004e000000}}}{\fldrslt {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \cs15\ul\cf2 Return}}}{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \page 
\par 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s1\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\outlinelevel0\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \ab\af35\afs24\alang1037 \ltrch \b\f35\fs24\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch {\*\bkmkstart _Death_of_the}{\*\bkmkend _Death_of_the}Death of the Poet
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch by Sam Vaknin
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \ai\af35 \ltrch \i Read the }{\field\flddirty{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \ai\af35 \ltrch \i  HYPERLINK "http://samvak.tripod.com/poet.html" }
{\rtlch \ai\af35 \ltrch \i {\*\datafield 
00d0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b0200000003000000e0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b4600000068007400740070003a002f002f00730061006d00760061006b002e0074007200690070006f0064002e0063006f006d002f0070006f00650074002e00680074006d006c00000000}}}{\fldrslt {\rtlch 
\ai\af35 \ltrch \cs15\i\ul\cf2\charrsid4089031 Hebrew original}}}{\rtlch \ai\af35 \ltrch \i .
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par 
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 The poet succumbed at {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname time}{\xmlattr\xmlattrns0{\xmlattrname Hour}{\xmlattrvalue 8}}{\xmlattr\xmlattrns0{\xmlattrname Minute}{\xmlattrvalue 0}}}eight o'clock AM{\*\xmlclose}.
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \fi173\li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
Five minutes prior to his death, he made use of a stained rotary dial phone, its duct-taped parts precariously clinging to each other. His speech was slurred but his interlocutor }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid3107501  a fan }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  thought it nothing extraordinary.
\par Sighing ostentatiously, she reluctantly agreed to come to him, volubly replacing her receiver in its cradle.
\par She was not surprised to be met by others he had called,
 nor was she astounded to learn that he had died all by himself, wrapped in two dusty khaki blankets, sprawled on a tattered mattress, flung on an iron frame that served as both bed and escritoire. It was so like him, to die like that.
\par Removing the rigored
 cadaver through the narrow doorway was tricky. The medics rolled it down the claustrophobic and penumbral staircase (there was no lift). His ink-tainted right hand kept striking the peeling yarns of greenery that hung, flayed, from crumbling concrete wal
ls.
\par Panting, they laid him on the bottom stair, an outsized embryo with jet black hair and eagl}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ed nose. His nostrils quivered.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
\par The radio reported his passing and lengthy obituaries adorned tomorrow's press. The critics cloaked with affected objectivity the 
overpowering disdain they held the man, his lifestyle, and his work in. They claimed to have been his closest friends and recounted some futile anecdotes.
\par The ceremony held by the municipality in the Writers Hall was open to the public.
\par I said to Nomi:
\par "Why don't you approach the organi}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch s}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 ers? Tell them that you have composed music to some of his poems and that y}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ou are willing to perform them."}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid3107501 
\par They were thrilled and Nomi settled on two songs }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  one that I liked and one that was her preference. She had a fortnight to rehearse the}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
m ceaselessly.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
\par Then Dani phoned me. Years ago, still adolescent, he co}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch -}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
starred with the poet in a television show. They spent the night discoursing, which rendered them inseparable thereafter, the apprentice and his mentor. Because Dani is what he is }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid3107501  he turned into the poet's fan. And because he is what he is }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
 he abruptly brought it to a halt. They never met again. Dani never thinks of himself in terms of extremism but his relationship with the dead poet was such.
\par And now he enquired:
\par "You heard? He is dead."
\par But he did not pause for a response. He went on to recount the by now familiar story of how they met, and how he admired the poet's ingenuity, inventiveness, aplomb, the love he made to the Hebrew language. And how it was all over.
\par "I am not attending th}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch is fallacious wake}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 " }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  Dani is soft-spoken even when his words are not.
\par That evening, Nomi and I went to the Writers' Hall. A woman with anorectic eyes compared our invitation to a clammy list. We slumped into some wooden deck chairs
, attired steamily in our discomfiture. People climbed onto a squeaky stage and then retreated, having recited the poet's work in a post-mortem elocution. They argued with venomous scholarship some fine points.
\par The poet's raisiny and birdlike mother was all aflutter in the front raw, flanked by the agitated organi}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch s}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
ers. She flung herself at the poet's ex spouse and at her son, protesting creakily and waving a hefty purse:
\par "Away with you!" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  she screamed }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  "You killed my boy!"
\par The divorcee approached, her black dress rustling, hand soothingly extended, but midway changed her mind and climbed the podium.
\par She promised anodynely to preserve the poet's heritage by issuing a definitive edition of his writings, both published and in manuscript. Her voice was steady,
 her gestures assured, her son clung to her dress eyeing us and the scenery indifferently. He dismounted as he climbed, obediently and unaffectedly.
\par On cue, Nomi sang two bits, her voice a luscious blond. She looked so lonesome onstage, a battered playback
 cassette-recorder, a wireless microphone, her quaking palms. When the last note died I discovered that I am not breathing and that I turned her notepad into pulp.
\par On her odyssey from stage to seat, Nomi glanced coyly at the poet's still roiled mother, who hastened to hug a}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch nd compliment her warmly.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
\par The night was over and the mob dispersed.
\par The poet's mother stood forlorn, tugging at the impatient sleeves of the departing as she demanded: "How shall I get back?" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  but she wouldn't say whereto. Roundly ignore
d by the pulsating throngs of well-wishers, she watched them comparing impressions, exchanging phone numbers, mourning the poet and, through his agency, themselves.
\par "I knew your son" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  I said.
\par I really did }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  perhaps not as intimately as a friend, but proba
bly more than did most of those present. Once I visited that warehouse of weathered books he called his home, sat on his monkish bed, played the effaced keys of his battered typewriter.
\par I offered her a ride and she accepted, sighing with childish relief.
\par Nomi drove and I listened to the poet's moth}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch er. Like him she wept in words.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
\par "He used to visit me every week" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
 with pride. Invited us for a drink in her room at the seniors' home. The evening chilled, she observed. How about a warm libation ("I have even hot chocolate"). When we declined politely, she tempted us with exclusive access to}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
 letters the poet wrote to her.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
\par We took a rain check and made a heartening spectacle out of noting down her address and her phone number.
\par The night guard at the entrance, besieged by a polished wooden counter and facing banks of noiseless te}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch levision screens, winked at us.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
\par "Thank you for bringing her back. A wonderful woman but lousy kids. No one ever visits."
\par He turned to face the poet's mother, raising his voice unnecessarily:
\par "And how are you tonight?"
\par Ignoring him, she eyed us inquisitively:
\par "You have children? No? What are you waiting for?" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  her shrivel}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch l}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 ed finger spiral}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch l}{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 ing }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  "Make a few children and hurry about it. Believe me, nothing in life is more important. Nothing if not}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\'85}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 "
\par The swooshing elevator doors, an amputated sentence, and she was gone.
\par At home, we lay on our backs, each in its corner of our bed, trying to pierce the darkness blindly.
\par We never mentioned that evening, neither have we returned to visit the poet's mother. We came close to doing so, though. One Saturday we mutely decided to climb the hill and drop by the seniors' home. Instead, we ventured further, to {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1
{\factoidname place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname City}}Jaffa{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}, and bought Sambusak pastry, filled with boiled eggs and acrid cheese.
\par Side by side we lived, my Nomi and I.
\par And then she divorced me and so many things transpired that the poet and his mother and this story were all but forgotten.
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }{\field\flddirty{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch HYPERLINK  \\l "_C_O_N"}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch {\*\datafield 08d0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b0200000008000000070000005f0043005f004f005f004e000000}}}{\fldrslt {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \cs15\ul\cf2 Return}}}{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \page 
\par 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s1\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\outlinelevel0\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \ab\af35\afs24\alang1037 \ltrch \b\f35\fs24\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch {\*\bkmkstart _Redemption}{\*\bkmkend _Redemption}Redemption
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch by Sam Vaknin
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par 
\par 
\par 
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 My grandfather sat on a divan, back stiff and eyes tight-shut, when the news arrived. At the age of seventy, his body still preserved the womani}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch s}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
er's tensile, proud, virility. He dyed his hair jet black. Original Moroccan music, wistful and lusty, the de
sert's guttural refrain, poured forth from a patinated gramophone. The yearning tarred his cheeks with bloodied brush, a capillary network that poured into his sockets.
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \fi173\li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 Now, facing him distraught, my father was reciting gingerly the information about his l
ittle sister, confessing abject failure as the clan's firstborn. His elder sister died in youth but even had she lived she wouldn't have qualified to supervise the brood due to her gender. It was my father's role to oversee his younger siblings, especiall
y the females, the thus preserve the hono}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch u}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 r of his kinfolk.
\par Being a melancholy and guarded man, he blamed them for conspiring against him. He envied them instead of loving. He kept strict ledgers of help received and given. He felt deprived, begrudging thei
r successes. They drifted apart and my father turned into unwelcome recluse, visited only by my tyrannical grandfather. On such occasions, my father was again a batt}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ered, chided, frightened child.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid3107501 
\par That day, with manifest obsequiousness, he served the patriarch with tea and home-made pastry arranged on brightly illustrated tin trays. My grandpa muttered balefully, as was his wont, and sank his dentures into the steamy dou}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
gh, not bothering to thank him.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
\par As dusk gave way to night, my father fetched the grouser's embroidered slippers and gently placed his venous, chalky feet on a dilapidated stool. He wrapped them in a blanket. Thus shoed and well-ensconced, th}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch e old man fell asleep.}{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
\par These loving gestures }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  my father's whole repertoire }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
 were taken by my grandpa as his due, a pillar of the hierarchy that let him beat his toddler son and send him, in eerie pre-dawn hours, to shoulder bursting wineskins. This is the order of the world: one generation serves 
another and elder brothers rule their womenfolk.
\par "Whore" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  my grandpa sneered. His voice subdued, only his face conveyed his crimson wrath. My father nodded his assent and sat opposed, sighing in weariness and r}{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch esignation.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
\par "Whose is it, do we know?" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  my g
randpa probed at last. My father snuffed the ornamental music and shrugged uncertainly. My grandpa rubbed his reddened eyelids and then slumped.
\par "We need to find him and arrange a wedding" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  he ruled. My father winced, propelled by the incisive diction int
o the grimy alleys of his childhood, the wine tide and ebbing in the pelt containers, the origin of his recurrent nightmares, nocturnal shrieks, sweaty relief when nestled in my mother's arms, his brow soaked, his heart in wild percussion.
\par "Today it's different, Abuya" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  my father mumbled, using the Moroccan epithet. My grandpa whipp}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ed him with a withering glower.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid3107501 
\par "I will depart tomorrow" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  my father whispered }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  "But I don't wish to talk to her."

\par "Don't do it" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  consented grandpa, his eyes still shut, waving a steady hand in the general direction of the decimated music }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 
\endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  "Just salvage our dignity and hers."
\par The next day, father packed his crumbling cardboard suitcase, the one he used when he fled {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}Morocco{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}
, a disillusioned adolescent. He neatly folded in some underwear and faded-blue construction worker's sleeveless garments. On top he placed a rusting razor and other necessaries.
\par I watched him from the porch, he waning, a child size figure, going to the {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}Negev{\*\xmlclose}, the heartless desert, to restore through a defiled sister the family's blemished hono}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch u}{\rtlch 
\af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 r. He stood there, leaning on the shed, patiently awaiting the tardy transport. The bus digested him with eager exhalation.
\par He has been away for four 
days and three nights. The fine dust of distant places has settled in his stubble. He wiped his soles on the entrance rug, removed soiled clothes and gave them to my mother. He slipped into his tunic and his thongs, uttering in barely audible relief, then
 sank into an armchair.
\par My mother served up scolding tea in dainty cups. He sipped it absent-minded, dipping a sesame cracker in the minty liquid. Having reposed, he sighed and stretched his limbs. He never said a word about the trip.
\par A few months passed before his sister called. She phoned during the day, attempting to avoid my father, who was at work. My mother spoke to her, receiver in abraded hand like hot potato.
\par We were all invited to her forthcoming wedding. She was to marry a Northern, elder man of means. He will adopt the child, she added. Still enamo}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch u}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
red with her elusive lover, she admitted, it wasn't the hideous affair we made it out to be. These days and nights (too short) of lust and passion in the wasteland have yielded her a daughter, a flesh memento of her paramour.
\par My mother listen}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ed stone-faced. "We cannot come}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 " }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  she said, her voice aloof }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  "my husband won't allow it." But we all wish her happiness in newfound matrimony. In the very last second, as she was replacing the handset in its cradle
, she whispered, maybe to herself: "Take care of you and of the little one."
\par She subsided on the stool, next to the phone, and scrutini}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch s}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 ed the blank wall opposite her. I busily pretended not to }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch notice her tearful countenance.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid3107501 
\par When my father came back from his excruciating work on the scaffolds, my mother laid the table. They dined silently, as usual. When he finished, she cleared the dishes, placing them in lukewarm water. "Your little sister called" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  she told him }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  "She is inviting us to her wedding up no
rth. She is marrying a wealthy man rather older than herself, so all's well that ends well. At least she won't be destitute."
\par "None of my concern" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  interjected my father gruffly, heavily rising from the chair.
\par The following day he trave}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch l}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 led south, to meet my grandpa. He then proceeded to see his other brothers and his sisters. That over, he returned, called in sick and remained at home for weeks.

\par When his youngest sibling, my uncle, came to visit, my father embraced him warmly. He loved them all but only t
his Benjamin reciprocated. My father pampered him and listened attentively to his seafaring tales, echoes of distant places, among the glasses of scented Araq, a powerful absinthe. They munched}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  on sour carrots dipped in oil.}{\rtlch 
\af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
\par At last, my father raised the s
ubject. Retreating to our chambers, we left them there to thrash the matter out through the night. Their voices drifted, raised and then restrained. My father shrilly argued but his brother countered self-convinced. He packed and left in }{\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch the early hours of the morning.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
\par My father entered our room, defeated, and tucked us in unnecessarily. He turned off all the lights, a distended, dismal shadow, and surveyed us, his beefy shoulder propped against the doorframe.
\par My mother instructed us severely:
\par "If daddy's youngest brother calls, don't answer. Nor he neither his wayward sister are part of our family. Your father excommunicated them forever and cursed their lineage. They have disgraced us. Now they are perfect strangers."
\par I liked my uncle }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  boyish and outgoing
, hair long, and smooth, and often brushed and dried, his clothes the latest fashion from abroad. He was a seaman. His visits smelled of outlying cities and sinful women thin-clad in bustling ports. He carried stacks of foreign bills stashed in his socks 
and bought my mother foreign, costly fragrances (she buried them among her lingerie until they all evaporated).
\par At the bottom of his magic chest lay booklets with titillating tales of sizzling sex and awesome drug lords. I waited for his visits with the impatience of an inmate. He}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  was the idol of my budding will}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid3107501 fulness and nascent freedom. I resented our forced estrangement.
\par And so began my mutiny. Lured by the siren songs of far-flung lands, of sexual liberation, and of equality, I travel}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch l}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 ed to my grandma's
 home, an uninvited guest. My uncle, whose name now we could not pronounce, was there. We strolled the windswept promenade of Beer-Sheba, kicking some skeletal branches as we talked. He treated me as an adult.
\par Then it was time to return. My father, aware of my encounter, regarded it as treason, another broken link in the crumbling chain of his existence. To him, I was a co-conspirator. I shamed him publicly. He felt humiliated in his own abode. He didn't say a 
thing, but not long after, he signed me over to the army as a minor. My mother tremblingly co-signed and mutely pleaded with my father to recant.
\par But he would not. Immersed in hurt, he just imploded, blankly staring at the television screen. He took to leaping anxiously with every phone ring, instructing us in panic to respond. He didn't want to talk to anyone, he promised.
\par When I enlisted, he accompanied me to the draft board. Evading any contact, he occupied a tiny, torturous wooden stool. He didn't budge 
for hours and didn't say a word and didn't kiss farewell, departing with a mere "goodbye". I watched him from the bus' window as he receded, stooped, into a public park. He collapsed onto a bench and waved away the pigeons that badgered him for breadcrumb
s. Finally, he let one near and kicked her with his shoe. They scattered.
\par I didn't visit, not even on vacations. I found father-substitutes, adopted other families as home. At times, I would remember him, a tiny, lonely figure, on a garden bench, surrounded by the birds.
\par One day, my service in the army nearly over, my mother called and said: "Your father wants you here."
\par At once I felt like burdened with premonitory sadness, with the belated anguish of this certain moment. She told me that my uncle died in shipwreck.
\par "His cousin was with him to the end. He clung on to a plank all night, till dawn. He fought the waves and floated. And then they heard him mutter: what's the point and saw him letting go and sinking under. They say he drowned tranquil and composed."

\par I alighted from the belching bus before it reached my parents', traversing accustomed pathways, touching childhood trees, pausing in front of the boarded cinema house, a fading poster knocking about its peeling side. A titian cloud of falling leaves en
gulfed it all. The sea roared a}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch t a distance as if from memory.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
\par I knocked, my father opened. We contemplated one another, vaguely familiar. Alarming corpulence and evil hoary streaks. Time etched its brown ravines in sagging flesh, the skin a flayed protect
ion. He spread his arms and hugged me. I cautiously accepted and dryly kissed his stubble.
\par He ushered me inside and sat me by my brothers. I greeted them in silence. My father helped my mother serve refreshments, peeled almonds and solid confitures. We sulked in mounting discomfort.
\par Sighing, my father rose and climbed the spiral staircase to his room. He soon returned, clad in his best attire, his synagogue and festive uniform, the }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch suit he wore in my Bar-Mitzvah.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
\par Like birds after the storm the house was filled with curled rabbis. Flaunting their garb, grimly conferring with my father, }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch they eyed the table critically.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
\par "There's more!" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  my mother hastened }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  "There's food, after you finish."
\par "Are these all your children?" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  they demanded and my father, blushing,
 soon admitted that my sister wants no part in the impending ceremony. They nodded sympathetically. They linked their talliths (prayer shawls) into a huppah (wedding canopy) and }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ordered us to squat beneath it.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid3107501 
\par They blessed the house, its inhabitants and fu
ture monotonously. My father's face illuminated, his eyes aglow. He handed each rabbi and each cantor a folded envelope from an overflowing pocket in his vest and poured them Araq to warm their hoarsely throats. They gulped the fiery libations, chanting t
heir}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  invocations as they swallowed.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
\par With marked anticipation they assumed the better seats around the table and plunged into my mother's dishes. She waited on them deferentially. Burping aloud, the food devoured, they broke into a vigorous recital of pious hymns.
\par Night fell and my father entered the guest room and settled by my bed. He drew the covers to my chin and straightened wrink}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch led corners.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
\par "We blessed t}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch he house}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 " }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  he said }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid3107501  "to fend off a disaster."
\par I asked him what he was afraid of. He told me that he cursed his brother to die young and now that he did, my father was anxious.
\par "You loved him very much" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  I said and he averted his face.
\par Waves clashed with undulating ripples to deafening effect.
\par "There will be a storm tonight" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  my dad said finally.
\par "I guess so" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  I agreed }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
 "Good night. I am bushed, I need to rise and shine early, back to the army."
\par I turned around to face to the naked wall.
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }{\field\flddirty{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch HYPERLINK  \\l "_C_O_N"}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch {\*\datafield 08d0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b0200000008000000070000005f0043005f004f005f004e000000}}}{\fldrslt {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \cs15\ul\cf2 Return}}}{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \page 
\par 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s1\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\outlinelevel0\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \ab\af35\afs24\alang1037 \ltrch \b\f35\fs24\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch {\*\bkmkstart _Shalev_is_Silent}{\*\bkmkend _Shalev_is_Silent}Shalev is Silent
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch by Sam Vaknin
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \ai\af35 \ltrch \i Read the }{\field\flddirty{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \ai\af35 \ltrch \i 
 HYPERLINK "http://samvak.tripod.com/shalev.html" }{\rtlch \ai\af35 \ltrch \i {\*\datafield 
00d0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b0200000003000000e0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b4a00000068007400740070003a002f002f00730061006d00760061006b002e0074007200690070006f0064002e0063006f006d002f007300680061006c00650076002e00680074006d006c00000000}}}{\fldrslt {
\rtlch \ai\af35 \ltrch \cs15\i\ul\cf2\charrsid10758988 Hebrew original}}}{\rtlch \ai\af35 \ltrch \i .
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par 
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 Shalev's ample back is propped against the laundry dryer and he is keeping silent. It jerks, he jolts, eyes downcast, }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch his short-sleeved T-shirt defenc}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 eless
}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  against the arctic ambiance.
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \fi173\li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 "Shalev, say something" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid3107501  I mutter. He only smiles. It is my daybreak plea, repeated ea}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ch morning since he quietened.
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 By way of responding, he turns to face the glass eye of the coinless Laundromat, his stooping shoulders focused upon the swirling garments. He motions to me to lay my wash on a}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
 truncated soggy wooden slab.
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 The laundry room is high ceilinged. Rags decomposing hang flayed on oxblood iron juts, stabbing four walls coarsely mortared by the inmates. Pipes conjoined with mo}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch u}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid3107501 ldy tape drip onto the twin contraptions }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  the malignan}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch tly oversized washer and dryer.
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 Shalev is average height but way obese. His wild stubble and wire glasses accentuate his burliness, the towering machinery, the vaulted chamber. "The Cyclops's Cave", I call it and well-read 
Shalev just chuckles. He casts a longing glance at a pile of books and snacks awaiting in his "Promised Corner}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ". But he wouldn't say a word.
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 I occupied one of the twin armchairs in the ironing parlo}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch u}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 r and set the backgammon board to play. Shalev was preced
ed in this job by a transvestite whose nocturnal off-key strains of yearning were still evoked. Forced to sequester him away from virile lust }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  both others' and his own }
{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  the prison authorities allowed him to import his shoddy furniture into the concrete monastery t}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch hat later became the washroom.
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 Shalev slept in his predecessor's bed and kept his munchies in his metal bureau, coated with peeling sepia paper cuttings. Now, he sank into the matching armchair, arranging his limbs gingerly, as though preparing t
o inventory them. He smoothed his feral moustache with two stubby stained fingers }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch and studied the board alertly.
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 He then rose from his seat, swung shut the door but didn't bolt it (regulations). To fend off the gloom, I stretched over and turned on the mil
ky lights above his bookshelf. His wife got him some of the volumes and others he borrowed from the pr}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ison's library, my workplace.
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 Shalev inclined and smothered a round piece with a bulky fingertip. He drove it to a screeching halt next to a corner of the
 patterned board. Then, content, he fisted the yellowed dice and hurled them at the table. Six-six. His eyes aflame, he basked in this auspicious opening}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch .
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 I waited with bated breath for an exclamation of his evident exuberance }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  but Shalev just proceeded t
o conjure his pieces into and out of existence in a whirlwind of clattering dice and scraping moves and sweaty palms. He suppressed even his customary snickers at my clumsiness. Perhaps cho}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch rtling was too akin to speech.
\par "Shalev}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 " }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  I said }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  "why have you st
opped talking? Why don't you l}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch augh anymore? Why the silence?"
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 He flings a pair of agitated dice at me. I groan as I}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  pick them off the gooey floor.
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 "Listen" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  I persisted }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  "I have an idea}{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch .}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 " An involuntary}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  twitch betrayed his interest.
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 "Why don't you write what you have to say? We will prepare a stack of small cards here and you could jot on}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  them to your heart's content."
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 "What cannot be said in words, can sometimes be expressed in letters."}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 Shalev froze and for a minute there I thought I lost him. Then he nodded his head excitedly. I abandoned him and his victory over me and bolted outside, into the gr}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch e}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid3107501 ying drizzle. I crossed two lanes muddied by steamy kitchen waste and absconded with a pack of printing paper from the library. Hiding them under my tattered blemished coat,}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  I hasted to the laundry room.
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 Shalev arranged the pieces in two equidimensional towers of alternating black and white. I proudly presented my paper loot. We used a ruler and
 scissors to divide them into squares. And all that protracted time I prayed that Shalev will not devolve from }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch verbal to written taciturnity.
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 Shalev held the ordinary pen I gave him as though he never handled a writing implement before. He scrawled his t}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ortured letters excruciatingly:
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 "I wa}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch nt to ask you for a big favour."
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 The dryer b}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch anged spasmodically and ceased.
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 "I want you to explain to my }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch wife why I am keeping silent."
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 The hush was broken only by the soun}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ds of his laboured scribbling.
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 "I have a feeling 
that no one loves me anymore. She is distancing herself and I am losing my daughters. When on vacation, I am a stranger in my own home, with no authority or recognition. It feels so helpless. I cannot hold on to them. Tonight I dreamt that I am screaming 
as they retreated, eerily oblivious to my pleading, to my words. So I decided to keep quiet. Tell }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch her all that for me, will you?"
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 I nodded and he lifted himself from the crumbling armchair, hugging my soiled clothes, and trotting towards th}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch e rumbling, cornered appliance.
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 The following morning, at {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname time}{\xmlattr\xmlattrns0{\xmlattrname Hour}{\xmlattrvalue 18}}{\xmlattr\xmlattrns0{\xmlattrname Minute}{\xmlattrvalue 0}}}six o'clock{\*\xmlclose}
, the warden bawled our names, marking those present. Ensconced in dreary blazers, we fended off the chill. Shalev, wearing his semipternal T-shirt, leaned on the barrack wall. "Stand straight" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch 
\af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  the warden barked and cast an evil glance. Shalev recoiled dreamily. "Who's missing?" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
 our sentinel demanded and, not waiting for an answer, invad}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ed our windswept accommodation.
\par "You, come with me}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 " }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  he motioned to Shalev }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
 "The staff complained yesterday. Clothes were amiss. Wha}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch t happened?"
\par Shalev kept mum.
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 "He doesn't talk" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  somebody volunteered }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
 "He is on a }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch strike." And wicked sniggering.
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 "What is it that I am told?" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  the warden shrilled }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid3107501  "You are not talking? With this scum" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  his outstretched hand enclosed us all, a brown effluence }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  "you can do whatever you want. But with the authorities of this facility, you }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch hear, you will respond! Clear?"
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 Shalev just nodded absentmindedly. This far from innocuous acquie}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch scence infuriated our guardian.
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 "It is not the last you hear of me" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
 he spat and trotted towards the management's stone parapet, splashing jets of mud on our rubber boots. Shalev grabbed my arm and navigated me towards the prisoners' public phone. Today was his turn to make use of it, his ten }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
minutes with the outside world.
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
A big, uniformed, crowd surrounded the booth. Everyone knew by now about Shalev's weird protest. They came here to loot his minutes, to scavenge the carrion of his allotted phone call. When they saw me, they hummed in d
isappointment and dispersed, only to perch on th}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch e nearby benches, just in case.
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 Torrential rain volleyed the butt-scorched and graffiti-tattooed plastic shell with itinerant orange leaves. I held on to the scarred receiver and di}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch alled Shalev's home, his family.
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 His wife picked up. I recalled her deceptive fragility and her two well-attired, well-mannered offspring. She always carried baskets with her }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid3107501  one with food and one full of reading material. They did not bother to inspect their contents at the gate anymore, t}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch hat's how predictable she was.
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 "Hello, this is Shmuel" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  I }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch said and read the note to her.
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 Silence ensu}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ed, chased by defiant sobbing:
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 "This is not true}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch . We do love him" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  whimpers.
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 "Shalev" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  I hesitated, distressed, under the shadows cast by his hirsute skull }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  "Shal}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ev, please, she is crying\'85"
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 To the receiv}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch er:
\par "I am giving you Shalev."
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 Shalev held the handset in his plump hand and listened}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  attentively.
\par "Are you there?"
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 He kept mute for many minutes, digging a moat of silence against the verbal onslaught of his wife. He listened to his daughters, head tilt}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ed, eyes moist, lips clenched.
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 Then, gently, he replaced the mouthpiece in its cradle, s}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch tifling his children's whining.
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 There he stood, bent, broken, brow kissing the frosty me
tal, reluctantly driven away by the minacious grumblings of his fellow inmates. He mournfully dragged his feet along the silt-spattered road to our barracks. Sometimes he stopped and kicked a gravel listlessly, watching its trajectory transfixed, until it
 hit t}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch he rustling bush and vanished.
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 "Hey, you!" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  it was the warden, materiali}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch s}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 ing with the gr}{\rtlch 
\af35 \ltrch e}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 yness}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  of an impeccable camouflage.
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 "The chief wants to ta}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch lk to you about your silence."
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 Shalev's eyes shifted in the manner of a hunted game. A musc}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch le pulsed wildly in his cheek.
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 "He doesn't speak" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  I ventured, head bowed, eyes locked on the grimy shoes of our custodian }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  "I can accompany him. H}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch e corresponds with me and\'85"
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 "You do what you are told to do" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  the words awhipping, eyes socketed in bloodshot red }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 
\endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  "or you will end up just like him, in the solitary!"}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 Bad winds thrashed Shalev's flimsy summer shirt as he descended towards the patched glass door at the }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch entrance to the headquarters.
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 Back in the barracks, I sat cross-legged on Shalev's bed, eyeing his neatly folded blankets, clean smelling, flower-patterned sheets, the mound }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch of books under his night lamp.
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 I got up, tucked my shirttails into my cord-held trousers and crossed the square between the barracks and the management. Shalev was seated, o
verflowing, on a tiny stone bench, studying his fingers as he crossed and then uncrossed them. He rubbed the sole of one of his boots against the other. His lips, tightened pale, contrasted morbidly with the inkine}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
ss of his beard and whiskers.
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 "Go away" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  o}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch rdered the warden offhandedly.
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 "Shalev" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  I said but he did not react }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
 "I have an offer to make. Give me your silence. I want to buy it from you. Let me be the one to go to the chief and then refuse to talk to him. You tell him that everything is fine, t
hat it was all one big misunderstanding, that you had a fight with your wife, with your family. Apologi}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch s}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 e profusely. After we exit, I will give you back }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
your silence, I swear to you."
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 Shalev exerted himself and raised his head, watching me intently. But then his chin drooped and I chastised myself: "you lost him, you lost him" and I wante}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch d to beat myself unconscious.
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 The warden s}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch hook his head in mute disdain.
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 The silence was broken by the smoke-drenched curses of prisoners and staff, as they crossed the link}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
chained paths. A woman staffer exited, banging a wooden frame behind her portly figure. She scrutini}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch s}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 ed the warden questioningly, a sooty cigarette hanging from t}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
he corner of a lipstick smear:
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 "This is Shal}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ev?"
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 "That's me" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  said Shalev }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
 "I am ready now. I will talk to you."
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }{\field\flddirty{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch HYPERLINK  \\l "_C_O_N"}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch {\*\datafield 08d0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b0200000008000000070000005f0043005f004f005f004e000000}}}{\fldrslt {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \cs15\ul\cf2 Return}}}{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \page 
\par 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s1\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\outlinelevel0\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \ab\af35\afs24\alang1037 \ltrch \b\f35\fs24\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch {\*\bkmkstart _Pet_Snail}{\*\bkmkend _Pet_Snail}Pet Snail
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch by Sam Vaknin
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \ai\af35 \ltrch \i Read the }{\field\flddirty{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \ai\af35 \ltrch \i  HYPERLINK "http://samvak.tripod.com/snail.html" 
}{\rtlch \ai\af35 \ltrch \i {\*\datafield 
00d0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b0200000003000000e0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b4800000068007400740070003a002f002f00730061006d00760061006b002e0074007200690070006f0064002e0063006f006d002f0073006e00610069006c002e00680074006d006c00000000}}}{\fldrslt {
\rtlch \ai\af35 \ltrch \cs15\i\ul\cf2\charrsid8266590 Hebrew original}}}{\rtlch \ai\af35 \ltrch \i .
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par 
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 Nomi and I had a snail. We placed it in any empty ice-cream packing, on a bed of lettuce. We took turns spraying it with water drops. Morning come, Nomi would emerge from our bed, her face dishevel}{\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch l}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 ed, and sleepwalk to enquire how the snail was doing. She rejoiced with every black-rimmed bite, clapp
ing her hands and drawing me to witness the tiny miracle. She replaced the perforated leaf with a green and dewy one about once a week.
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \fi173\li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
At first, her minuscule charge concealed itself among the decaying greenery. Nomi spent hours, patiently awaiting a reve
lation. Crowned with a set of dark, huge earphones that I bought her, she pounded her keyboard, keeping a lovat eye on the snail's abode.
\par When it finally emerged one day, the music stopped and she exclaimed elatedly.
\par Later that year, I was sentenced to a prison term. On the way home, courtroom echoes reverberated in the hushed interior of the car. Nomi said: "Let's go}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  somewhere before\'85}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 "}{\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch  }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 And I responded: "Let us go to Eilat, to our hotel."
\par "A pity the jazz festival is over" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  she frowned. "A pity" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  I agreed.
\par At home, an air of doom, we packed a hasty suitcase and booked }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch the flight.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
\par A thing I said reminded Nomi of the snail. She held its lair in both her hands and placed it accusingly on the glass}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  top table in the living room.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
\par "What shall we do with it?"
\par "Let's leave it enough }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch water and food for a whole week}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 " }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  I suggested }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 
\endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  "His needs are few, he is so teeny, so I don't think there'll be a problem."
\par Nomi secured an errant golden curl behind her ear: "You sure?" I was and so we entombed him beneath some salad leaves and showered him with water and N}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch omi giggled: "To him it's rain."}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
 Then she grew serious.
\par It was an early morning. Nomi felt my swollen eyelids, pausing her finger on the protruding veins. On the way to the elevator, she stopped, unloaded a laden rucksack and hurried to the entrance door, wildly rummaging for the keys in her multicolo}{\rtlch 
\af35 \ltrch u}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 red purse. She returned to me, flushing and panting and uttered: "It is fine!" "It climbed through some lettuce sprouts" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid3107501  she reported. Her morning voice was moist and hoarse, Edith Piaf-like. I cast a virile hand over her shoulder and guided her outside.
\par We spent four days in Eilat. We slept a lot and swam the pools, among the waterfalls and artificial rocks. My sister happened to be staying there with her newly-minted 
family. But it was already chilly and autumnal and, four nights later, we decided to return. My imminent incarceration loomed and Nomi was atypically broody. I tried to comfort her, thinking what a consummate liar I have become.
\par When we reached home, Nomi dumped her suitcase, precariously balanced on its two hind wheels. I heard the metallic clinking of unfurled bolts and she was gone. A minute or two later: "I can't find it!" and then "It is not here, Sam!"
\par We cautiously separated one gnawed leaf from another. We studied the inside of the box and its immediate neighbo}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch u}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 rhood, the marble counter. The snail was nowhere to be found.
\par Nomi was restless for the remainder of that day. Down hill, at a crossroad, concealed behind a gas station, stood an intimate Fren
ch restaurant. It was our crisis eatery, a refuge of self-administered great wines and nouvelle cuisine. But today its charms failed. Nomi was crestfallen throughout dinner. She sat and gestured and chewed the food mechanically.
\par Still, ever so practical, f
aced with numerous arrangements before my disappearance, she recovered. But she refused to discard the now orphaned container and she made sure the leaves were always fresh and glistening. She thought that I didn't notice how she inspected the box, hoping
 to find her snail in it, revenant.
\par "It must be bigger now" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  she sighed and then }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
 "Today I plan to clean the entire house. It is your last weekend here."
\par On cue, I went to the public library and spent a good few hours reading Kafka's "Metamorphosis", a story about a respectable clerk turned loathsome insect in his sleep.
\par We used to clean the house together, Nomi and I. She would sluice the floor and I would dust, scrub the bathrooms and the kitchen. It was one of the last things we did together before we stopped.
\par The afternoon was muggy and I walked home, immersed in thought. I found Nomi slouched on an armchair, surrounded by heaps of furniture and bundled carpets. Her face wore tearful makeup, her eyes were distant, and her hair bedraggled. I upturned a c
hair and faced her, silently.
\par She pointed speechlessly at the general direction of the kitchen and then subsided.
\par "I stepped on it, I squashed it" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  and added frantically }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
 "I didn't mean to! It is still so small and I don't know how it made it to that corner!"
\par "It must have climbed the refrigerator and descended to the floor" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  I ventured. She signal}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch l}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
ed me to keep away.
\par "I had to clean the house because of you, because you are going" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  in an accusatory tone.
\par I didn't know how to respond, so I tiptoed to the kitchen and contemplated the mess of snail and concha on the floor.
\par "Shall I wipe it off?" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  I enquired meekly.
\par "Now, I don't even have a snail" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  tears blended with startling exhalations }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
 "You will be gone, too! I thought we could fight the world, you and I, that we are invincible. But it is not like that at all! We can't even look after one snail together!"
\par "Are you mad at me?" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  I asked and she snorted,
 part pain and part contempt. She scooped the shattered snail with a paper towel and dumped both in the overflowing trash bin. She froze like that awhile and then, as if reaching a decision, she deposited the box, replete with lettuce leaves, in the garba
ge can.
\par "I don't think I am going to need it. I am never going to have another snail" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  she paused }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid3107501  "At least not with you."
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }{\field\flddirty{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch HYPERLINK  \\l "_C_O_N"}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch {\*\datafield 08d0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b0200000008000000070000005f0043005f004f005f004e000000}}}{\fldrslt {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \cs15\ul\cf2 Return}}}{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \page 
\par 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s1\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\outlinelevel0\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \ab\af35\afs24\alang1037 \ltrch \b\f35\fs24\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch {\*\bkmkstart _Write_Me_a}{\*\bkmkend _Write_Me_a}Write Me a Letter
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch by Sam Vaknin
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par 
\par 
\par 
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 He looks at me with his single surviving eye and pleads: "Write me a letter}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ."}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \fi173\li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 I smile and remove the women's magazine from his hands. Under "Singles Ads" it says:
\par "165/33, feminine, rebellious, striking, looking for a man for serious relationship, Postal Box Office}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ."}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
\par "Write me a letter" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  he repeats and his lonely eye gleams.
\par "Soon, I am going to get my second, more beautiful one" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  he adds apologetically.
\par We are in a residential caravan in a prison camp, whiling the time away. I am waiting for my inevitable, unnerving, early release and he is looking for
ward to that feminine, rebellious who will discern in his solitary eye that which he craves to witness in both hers.
\par I acquiesce and write to her, the mysterious stranger. My writing is calligraphic and Maurice convinces me that it, alone, should make the prospect meet him.
\par And when she does, it will all be different. He will demonstrate to her that there's a soul concealed in his awkward flesh and how his lonesome eye grasps colo}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch u}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
rs and sun and light and shadows. Lots of shadows.
\par At night, he wakes, perspi
ring, stifling whimpering, panicky sounds, like beavers struggling to emerge, consuming his insides, driving the torture wheel called Maurice. He rises from his nightmare and shuffles to the slimy toilettes on the remainder of his leg. When he is back, fa
ce rinsed, he looks around, alarmed, climbs laboriously into the upper bunk, and tries to sleep.
\par But the sirens of that particular patrol car haunt him with red-blue flashes in the desiccated socket of his long-gone eye. He can't erase the gunfire sounds, t
he streaking bullets that carved his flesh with long, brown scars. The raining glass that gouged his eye erupts anew.
\par "I lost my eye in the showers" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  he nags the dwindling numbers of his unwilling interlocutors. They heard it all before }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  the tale of Maurice and his magnificent porcelain ball that cost him 5000 New Israeli shekels.
\par "I was scared, so I pretended to be violent, so they became afraid of me. Everyone knew that I am not to be messed with!"
\par Maurice recounts to me his prime: replete with eye, a serviceable leg, and human form.
\par Now he frequents only hookers. He calls them "escort girls". They have been escorting him a long time now and he is a heaving cyclop}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch a}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
edia of their addresses, official prices, negotiating tactics, and final offers. "Half an hour" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  he lectures me }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch 
\af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  "and you can come but once. So you better masturbate before. But you can still strike a bargain with them even if it happens."
\par He finds them pretty. As far as he is concerned, they are all attractive and stunning and he keeps wondering aloud why they ended up in bed with him. He relishes his good fortune and frequents their cubicles and sweaty cots. "In {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1
{\factoidname place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname City}}Haifa{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}, some of them do it for 50 shekels!" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  he gasps incredulously.
\par Maurice does not neglect his physical exercises.
\par "Am I triangular?" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  he demands to know, swerving on his healthy limb, a dented nakedness, we are in the showers, avoiding effluence.
\par I study him closely. H
e has a well-developed torso, like a miniature Schwarzenegger. He is trilateral both front and back. His shoulders a triangle, imposed on squarish chest and powerful hands. I tell him so. But Maurice seeks second and third opinions. He circles the muddy p
athways of the camp for hours, only a towel to his loins, and pesters every passerby. They all confirm my observations.
\par "Your stomach is repulsive" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  he tells me earnestly }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
 "Stop eating so much. Work out!"
\par I give him the letter I composed and he ponders it gravely. Then he folds it carefully and withdraws an envelope from his peeling iron dresser.
\par "Write me the address, too" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  he says }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  "It must be the same hand."
\par I do so obediently. He inserts the letter in the envelope and licks it. Thus opaque and sealed, he places it gingerly in a drawer.
\par It joins four identical epistles.
\par "Maurice, when will you send these letters?" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  I demand.
\par "Soon" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  he laughs }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
 "I don't have stamps. Every time I go on detail I forget to buy them. Tomorrow I will remember. Tomorrow I will dispatch them and you will write me more. One of them will surely answer. Something will come out of it."
\par I suggest to him to address some his missives to the beauties on the TV soaps. He sign up to my charade enthusiastically and insists: "Write, write me a letter to the}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch m" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch  he doubles up in laughter.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
\par Maurice carries in a mo}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch u}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
ldy plastic bag a few fading and creased photographs of himself before. He is surrounded with minimally-attired knockout adolescent girls. These may be the "escorts". He confesses to wedding three of}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  them and to fathering a brood.}{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
\par I notice a sad-eyed kid, sprawled on a sofa, gaping at the camera. It's unmistakable: a tiny Maurice. You also can't misjudge the expression in M}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch aurice's single, dewy, eyeball.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
\par But Maurice the Cyclops never cries. His vising headaches merely reduce him to reclining on his rusty metal bed, turning his back to us, pretending to be slumbering. His shoulders quaver, yet we never dare approach him.
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch "All my women betrayed me}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 " }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  he tells me every morning, awakene
d by the screaming wardens. I wonder what he dreams of that makes him reiterate so often.
\par "The minute I entered the pen, they strayed with another. That's}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  why I divorced them, all three}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 " }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
 he elaborates.
\par Maurice places little trust in women. They hurt him so. "But they are so beautiful!" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
 he utters wistfully, as he measures a new pair of jeans he bought in his last vacation. They are too loose. I tell him. He spends the remainder of the evening refitting them and adding holes and buckles to his belts.
\par "How is it now?" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  he anxiously enquires of no one in particular.
\par "Much better, Maurice" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  I reassure him.
\par At night, when no one sees, he changes the soggy patch covering his missing eye. It's nothing but a gauze and two adhesive bandages, plastered directly over the shrivel}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch l}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
ed, murky hole that's left of the glistening, jocular eye in Maurice's photos.
\par He is ashamed and doesn't want to nauseate us. Maurice has a developed aesthetic sense. He still remembers beauty and wants it in his life. But all he has right 
now is a dehydrated wrinkle above a hollow abyss in his skull. It's where he used to gaze at beauty from. But now it's dark. Only the muscles that surround it still react to absence. He mocks himself self-deprecatingly. There's nothing else to do without 
an eye, a leg, one's looks.
\par Maurice is suing the police. In his mind he has won and is already divvying up the reparations. He is going to buy a flat, a car, and then a girl. She is bound to adore him and they will live in happiness and wealth and many chil
dren and Maurice will grow with them. "This is my second childhood" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
 he hums along with a hit song on the radio. In such times, Maurice is no longer in jail but in the hereafter, in a world of warm and loving families.
\par "I spent fourteen years inside" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  he confides }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
 "My father says I am lucky to have been shot. Maybe this way I will settle down. Maybe I will have enough money not to work and only raise my children."
\par The offspring he has already had are held back by his women. The same females who do not visit him and force him to stagger on the steep hills of {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname City}}Haifa{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}
 just to see his kids for an instant and give them gifts. Maurice saves all his meager pay and uses it to buy his children presents and himself more clothes.
\par "Some girls make advances in the cab on the way back to jail" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  he brags.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
 "I tell them that I am doing time for burglaries and this turns them on. When I returned from my last vacation I met one girl, she fell for me, she asked me to sit next to her, she twisted her face like this" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 
\endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  Maurice demonstrates a yieldi}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ng, kiss-ready, feminine mouth.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
\par He can't believe his luck: "}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch S}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 he is so beautiful" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  he moans longingly. He thinks this can't be true, som
ething must be wrong with the girl, that this may be a trap. She must be married }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  he freaks. "We are so miserable" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  he sighs }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  "The minute we cross the gate, they go looking for someone else."
\par Maurice yearns for the olden days, ten years ago, when a woman was a woman and he was a proper man with eyes to look dames over and legs to chase them. Maurice isn't good at expressing pain. He prefers to measure shirts or to ask me to write him letters.

\par That evening, when I come back from the detail, I find Maurice parked on his bunk, his ailing leg impossibly extended, weighed down by a bulky orthop}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch a}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 edic shoe. He avoids me, dejected. And then:

\par "Vaknin" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  he calls }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  "Come here, Vaknin}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ."}{\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch \charrsid3107501 
\par I go and sit by him. At his request, I tie his laces: one cross, one over, and a butterfly. He shuts his eyes while people fuss around him. And now, the humiliation and the embarrassment }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch \charrsid3107501  both mine and his. The intimate togetherness, a man, shoelaces, man, at dusk, a drafty room, in prison. The closest two can get }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 
 sometimes more than carnal. A kind of love.
\par "Vaknin, thank you" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 \endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  he says, inspecting my endeavo}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch u}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 rs critically }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid6651824 
\endash }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501  "Vaknin, what shall I do if someone answers my letters? What will happen then? I am afraid to post them, not to get a response. I only have a socket. My beautiful eye hasn't arrived ye}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
t. I am crippled, crippled\'85}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid3107501 "
\par Maurice breaks into a sob and I move closer and hug him and nestle him and wait for him to calm down.
\par But he does not. He is devoured by weep
ing. He crumbles in my arms, the tears engulfing both his eyes, ungluing the adhesive bandages and loosening the gauze. It falls. His triangular rib cage trembles, his inert leg twitches, and his absent eye, and all his offspring that are strewn across th
e city weep through him and the long years and his father, who is happy he was shot and the wall, the only witness to the anguished nights of Maurice.
\par And I weep with him. I, too, weep with him. Together.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par {\*\bkmkstart _Harmony}{\*\bkmkend _Harmony}}{\field\flddirty{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch HYPERLINK  \\l "_C_O_N"}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch {\*\datafield 08d0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b0200000008000000070000005f0043005f004f005f004e000000}}}{\fldrslt {
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \cs15\ul\cf2 Return}}}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \page 
\par 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s1\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\outlinelevel0\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \ab\af35\afs24\alang1037 \ltrch \b\f35\fs24\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch Harmony
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch by Sam Vaknin
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par 
\par 
\par 
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \lang1033\langfe1033\langnp1033 On the phone, hushed voices, in our bedroom, late afternoon, Noa declines an offer to meet with her lover. I stand in the corridor, book in hand, listening intently, refusing to believe.
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \fi173\li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \lang1033\langfe1033\langnp1033 Her side of the conversation consists of a half-he
arted demurral balanced by a lot of hopeful incredulity. How do you know the key will be under the rug - she questions her interlocutor - and how can you be sure they won't be at home?
\par This is how this phone conversation proceeds and Noa can see a penumbra
l Sam projected by the hallway lighting and then she can see me entering the room and looking at her, dumbfounded. She casts a glance my way and ignores me, continues the exchange as though nothing entered her field of vision.
\par I tell her: "Disconnect, Noa, now!". She goes on talking and my voice turns harsher and echoes through this vacuous room. I approach and extend an infuriated hand towards the phone's cradle. Now Noa apologizes hastily and hangs up.
\par Ricocheting verbal shrapnel, sentences unuttered, tension. We look away, she at the phone, I at my tiptoed feet. Noa suddenly grins but it is sheer embarrassment. We can't believe that this is happening to us, to our togetherness.
\par Her smirk ignites my rage, as was to be expected. Perhaps that's what she want
s. Maybe this is her way or making certain she got punished, of guaranteeing attention long denied her, even if only to be chastised as evil and corrupt. Anything but this months-long absence, I and my book, sprawled on the leather couch, turning a barber
ed nape and taciturn back to her.
\par So, here it comes: attention, rage, envy. She is almost content. It is evident in the way she lowers her lashes, slumped on our marital twin bed, no intention to sit up, as though inviting me to her, making love to him and 
me simultaneously: today with me here and tomorrow with him on the phone, or vice versa.
\par I am curiously unfazed now. I am cold-blooded and matter-of-fact. I weigh and analyze. I survey all the options as they invitingly spread their dilemma horns. I inspec
t them with the indifference of a veteran client in an overpriced brothel. I am acquainted with the merchandise, no novelty here, it's all the same old nudity. The perforated lampshade swings pendularly, set in motion by a now forgotten hand gesture. It r
ations light, once to myself and once to her, our faces yellow-flickered strainers. 
\par Noa rises and I tell her to follow me into the living room. She obeys speechlessly. When she passes me in the narrow corridor, I don't give way and I rub against her agitated softness. I can smell her hair, the sex that wafts into my nostrils like a dare.

\par We sit in our living room. It is a chilly quadrangle, strewn with blinking appliances, bisected by a massive glass table-top that rests on four perfected marble tits. The g
lass slab mirrors us, distorted, our reflections melt into each other. I cross-examine her. I want the details.
\par Full frontal nakedness? Did he penetrate her? Did she give head? His hands on both her breasts? How did he taste?
\par She is patient, not mutinous. She says she hoped I will find out. She thought she could have both, the lover and myself. Yes. Permanently, as a way of life, but it didn't work out. And all this time I am panicking: God, this is real, this is Noa and this 
is me and an evening and we are at our home and this has happened so unpredictable and no way out. Like a pre-mortem trepidation.
\par Now what shall we do? asks Noa and the question hangs midair. We peruse every aspect of this query. It is crystalline and glitt
ers, you can't mistake its polish. It is untouchable, unreachable. Like a heavy stone on a distant star from which there's no return. 
\par I listen to my voice. It's icy and I am stunned. It's decisive. My self-control impresses me.
\par I say: Let's separate for a year and then we'll see. Rent a small apartment, do as you please and in twelve months let's see if you still want me and if I still want you, if we are still emotionally available.
\par Noa wails vociferously. She makes no attempt to hide the tears. She sits up, a veritable {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname City}}Alice{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}
 in horrorland: golden curls adorn her round shoulders, her face disproportionately large, she has the hands and feet of children, that's the way I see her. That's the way I always want to see her.
\par Her lamentation startles me. I realize that she is crying for me too, perhaps mostly on my behalf. I cannot join her.
\par I soothe: Look, no single side is guilty. I have neglected you and our relationship, I let them fester and this is the result. This situation is of both our making.
\par S
he is relieved. She glances at me with gratitude. I ask her if she would like some red wine and she affirms enthusiastically as though we just found the solution and there it is, chilling in our refrigerator and we didn't appreciate it. So, I walk slowly,
 extract the bottle that I placed there in another universe, uncork it and pour into potbellied glasses. The lacey foam subsides into the inky liquid. I bring this hue to Noa to consume. I click my tongue delighted at the taste.
\par Noa discusses details. What 
kind of apartment, where, how will she pay for it. She gets carried away, describing the interior decoration. I sip the wine strictly and not a word but I cannot look away from her exuberant eyes, intermittently flaring and decaying. She grows silent and 
swirls the fluid gently in her glass. She gazes into it as though trying to decipher the gory sediments left by the frothy drink. And then she sobs again.
\par She tells me that she loves me. She doesn't know what to do. She can't believe that she found herself 
in these circumstances. She no longer recognizes herself. What to do, she repeats her mantra, but this time I am not playing along, I am not her father after all. I feel as aghast and awkward as she does.
\par I stand up and stretch my bones. This is the kind of silence that breeds decisions. Not tense, just a break for data processing, like he dead moments when a floppy whirrs and the hard disk answers.
\par Noa changes her posture. I contemplate her body and wonder what it knew and not with me. A foot flashes, she bends and a swathe of milky breast, a nipple, his hand between her thighs. 
\par I feel nothing, not even pain or fury. But I sense the distant echoes of a remote battle, behind the fortified hilltops of my self. It will arrive, this ruinous war, it will exact the price. Like everything else in life, it is only a matter of time.

\par I repeat to Noa her choice. She can remain here and we will try together, she can depart and we will separate, one year alone, maybe it's better that way. Maybe I am her undoing. And I k
eep reiterating silently: Noa, please ignore these monstrous alternatives offered by an alien, a stranger, not me. I love you. I love Noa. Throughout I want to hug her and make my love in her, but I just sit there, stony-faced, a scientist sifting through
 the formulas for a particularly complex experiment.
\par Now Noa is quiet, still rocked from time to time by mournful tremors, her fingers flutter and combine, a leg swings across the wide-brimmed, tattered arm of our sofa. She regards me tenderly.
\par I pour more wine. The halogen lights are blinding. We are so close, Noa and I, up there in the large screen of our TV. But really we are divided by glass and marble.
\par Noa takes her wine and toys with it. Suddenly she lays it down and bursts into bitter, convulsive whimpers, face buried in both hands, shoulders unruly. 
\par "I can't leave you" - she sucks the words out of the thinning air - "I love you so. You are a wizard and I am hypnotized. I am staying here with you. Oh, let's try again!"
\par I let the words sink in. A rainb
ow ricochets from the glasses to the table. The light is piercing and in it I witness Noa making love. Like an unwanted child, this deed is with us, like an accident. Only it left me quadriplegic, breathless for all eternity, long after Noa is gone, and s
he will be gone. I now know that this, too, is only a matter of time.
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \lang1033\langfe1033\langnp1033 
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\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \page 
\par 
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\ltrch {\*\bkmkstart _Blind_Date}{\*\bkmkend _Blind_Date}Blind Date
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch by Sam Vaknin
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par 
\par 
\par 
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \lang1033\langfe1033\langnp1033 They said to me: "Meeting girls requires effort. If you just sit at home and don't try to mingle, they won't come to you, you know! You got to get out more."
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \fi173\li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \lang1033\langfe1033\langnp1033 So, I got out more and made an effort. 
\par I work as a consultant to small enterprises and desperate 
entrepreneurs, a lonely kind of living, not the type of job teeming with feminine prospects. I wake up every morning, advise my clients, return in the afternoon to a flickering microwave oven. Some television and a tachycardiac awakening in alien surround
i
ngs, my tenebrous living room and the chill. Then, soiled underwear, I sink into my unkempt bed and doze off, drooling thick saliva diagrams over sheets and crumpled pillow, like the two-dimensional rendition of a layered archeological excavation. Come mo
rning, I sniff my art and recoil, only to be captivated again by its monotonous aesthetics.
\par Again the morning race abreast the crowded bus. I contort myself to glance through the driver's expansive windshield: Am I there yet? Did I arrive? I have customers 
everywhere, an ostensibly desirable state of affairs. I climb stairs and wonder: Maybe this time? They are bound to have a secretary, aren't they? Perhaps even a woman business partner, or an accountant!
\par They said to me: "There are all kinds of classes, wh
y don't you register, it would be worth your while, these are the best places to pick up girls." But I do not. I just sit at home, anticipating. It is inconceivable that this deafening silence goes unheard, that my distress is not discernible, trapped tho
ugh it may be between these walls. 
\par And, still, this solitude. 
\par {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname time}{\xmlattr\xmlattrns0{\xmlattrname Hour}{\xmlattrvalue 12}}{\xmlattr\xmlattrns0{\xmlattrname Minute}{\xmlattrvalue 0}}}Noon{\*\xmlclose}
 time, I boil some tea and lubricate a frying-pan with margarine, carefully held amidst its greasy wrappings. I empty the contents of three shattered eggs onto the seething outcome. A woman could have done all that, I know. What is a woman?
\par A naked foot, a thigh, waving its way into an ankle. 
\par Her breasts, of course. I hallucinate them with a residual and diminishing ferocity. I give up and masturbate.
\par Evening time, I visit 
with my friends some neutral places, where we do not compete for female preference, nor are we graded for our attractiveness (or lack of it). Still, I resent their ability to dictate my choice of venues. Such indignation can easily fester into hatred and 
thence mutate into a sick haughtiness that says: They are powerless over me, I am resistant to their charms, truly, I do not need them at all.
\par One night I went on a blind date. I invested 49 shekels in a 9 words classified ad in a widely circulated rag. I w
rote: "Blind man looking for blind woman for blind date" and my PO Box. Inevitably, I received a heap of Braille letters from the truly sightless. I briefly considered their cloistered seclusion, locked in their private darkness with their awkward typewri
ters, etching the regular protrusions of their pain into the thickset paper. I didn't respond to a single one of them, of course. They failed the test of deciphering my ad. Besides, I don't read or write Braille. Nor am I blind, I am merely lonely.
\par Some let
ters indicated a modicum of understanding of my situation. All manner of sensitive women who reacted with undisguised arousal to my veiled challenge. They desperately clung with manicured nails to the vestige of a hope that I may choose them from among th
e hundreds and the thousands of respondents. I could feel the effort that went into the razored folding of the paper, experience the panic in the curlicued letters.
\par At the end, I did pick one. I sat there, ranking them by traits that I deemed of indispensab
le importance as far as I am concerned. I scored them with meticulous objectivity on a scale of 1 to 10, added the points each had received and came up with Jezebel (9 points in all). Unusual name - nay, unforgettable. At any rate, with the Bible on her s
ide, she struck me as a safe bet. Besides, I consoled myself, what could go wrong with such a name?
\par Partly to find out, I left my voice in her answering machine. Her message served only to enhance my interest. She sounded like a femme fatale, the kind that 
makes trouble merely by momentarily flashing the snowy and wrinkled confluence of her armpits and her breasts. That's how she sounded, like lots of smoke and lots of mayhem, or like an alcoholic, I wasn't really sure. But I sure wanted to be. So, I picked
 up the receiver and there she was, at the other end of the optic fiber, at the speed of the focused light that bonded us in real time. Well, almost.
\par The pleasantries that we exchanged were starkly contradicted by the hoarseness of her voice. We argued half
-heartedly about the venue of our first encounter, nothing serious and she graciously succumbed, registering a point in her favor. Already I am in debt and we haven't even met.
\par I decided to be me and put on a T-shirt, the taut promise of virginal flesh wit
h hints of silky and occult hair. A T-shirt is kind of an ad proclaiming: this is what I am like under my scant clothing, it may be worth your while to undress me. With this attire I attended our first assignation. And with summer footwear showing only th
e merest intimations of tiny, sculpted toes. Oil-slicked mane, part shaven stubble and I was ready.
\par In the fashionable cafe, no one reproached me for my sartorial transgressions. I leaned my back on the humungous glass entrance. It provided for a perfect ob
servation post. I liked to pose as a Mossad agent, or something equally intoxicating, now embroiled in the mission of a lifetime, adhering to the regulations and procedures that will extricate me from this inadvertent hell. Real spies probably hate all th
e
se well-rehearsed, automatic, wearyingly familiar motions. So what? Do they improvise instead? Could be. I, not being a veritable spook (people's counterfactual perceptions notwithstanding), simply wouldn't know. But my posture sometimes misleads. Especia
lly the girls. Nothing explicit, mind you: an imperceptible tilt of the head with an almost-wink will do. 
\par So, now I stood like that, in my secret agent posture, scanning the place through my nearly computerized eyes (imposing a conjured digital square rang
efinder on my field of vision). I couldn't see her. Couples and whole families took over the entire space, tables possessed by businessmen in the throes of lively arguments coupled with intimidating body language.
\par Small wonder she joined me from behind. If she were really a ravishing Russian spy she could have easily stabbed me in the back, for instance, or popped me with a silencered gun, or wasted me with a weapon I never even heard of.
\par What she did say stunned me so that I neglected to notice her looks. She uttered: "I also play this game sometimes".
\par I mumbled back "What game?" because I was shocked and I didn't dare to believe it. Well, alright, she didn't get it one hundred percent. She expounded: "Cops in pursuit of dangerous criminals" and that was a 
miss, as I was playacting an intelligence officer, matching wits with foreign spies, each of us fighting for a cause we believe to be both good and decent. But it was still nice that she noticed the make-belief at all and, coming to think about it, cops a
nd robbers was not that far from rival espionage rings.
\par So I took it as an impressive omen. My fucking brain that doesn't let go of me even when I climax, revved into instant action. I was amazed at the extent of information buried in her impoverished six-w
ords sentence. Cops and dangerous criminals inhabit a hostile universe of constant struggle, violence, and terror. This must be her world as well, I am a great believer in the revelatory nature of first utterances.
\par And what were my first words? Silence. I 
said zilch, nada, nothing. Having deconstructed her introductory syllables, I began to survey her, limb by limb. It goes without saying that she was perfect. Her single, dazzling pronouncement rendered me momentarily half-blind. No one - and I mean no one
 
- ever offered me such a penetrating insight, definitely not in the first few seconds we have met. Relationships with most people develop unexpectedly: they start off wearily. This anticipatory tediousness causes separation and excites the energies of ded
icated love that the fear of loss provokes. Where are these passions when needed to prevent the breakup in the first place? I moved to contemplate her feet.
\par Nothing interests me in a woman more than her feet. Jezebel (it was she, I presume, even though we w
eren't formally introduced yet) rested with perfect equipoise and let me scrutinize her semi-nude feet at length. She wasn't embarrassed at all by the fact that we were blocking the only entrance and were being pestered and shoved by people who then apolo
gize reproachfully. She didn't show the slightest inclination to shuffle one millimeter from her obstructive spot until I am done with my inspection. 
\par She was wearing thongs of Japanese delicacy. Her curvaceous, pearly feet broke out of this nearly emblemat
ic confinement, voluptuously maddening. I could fall in love with a woman just for her feet and Jezebel had a perfect pair: not too mannish and not too infantile.
\par When I recovered, I looked her in the face and she smiled thinly but not haughtily, her eyes 
rising with her eyebrows firmly affixed and this, too, was a novelty because usually it is the other way around with eyes and eyebrows. This subtle pantomime was more expressive than any question and I motioned expansively and followed her onto a vacated 
table for two.
\par We were seated (I offered her the chair) and she grinned once more. I was dazed by the vocabulary of her smiles. She liked my chivalry, but I expected it. Women's lib and all that jazz aside, they love it when we evince our servitude. I let a
 ripple of hostility sweep over me and then it's gone.
\par "I am Jezebel" - she said and her voice had qualities obscured by telephony. It was deep, nearly masculine, and, usually, I didn't find such voices appealing in the least, but hers I loved. It occurred
 to me with startling immediacy that - for a first date which haven't yet begun - I fancied too many of her qualities. I also found her face to be exquisite and I decided to tell her that, what have I got to lose. In general, I settle on a stream of consc
iousness. I articulate the first things that come into my mind. I am tired of the masquerade of "Listen, I am the catch of a lifetime, successful, perfect, smart and so on". I told her that as well.
\par She threw back her head (where did this mane come 
from?) and chuckled wholeheartedly. And when I say "wholeheartedly" I mean that everyone must have heard her, the way people were gaping at us. It filled my heart with pride that I can make such a gorgeous girl laugh and I was reminded of studies that pro
ve that a sense of humor is an important part of interpersonal attraction.
\par "I love the texture of your skin" - she blurted, staring unabashedly at my shoulders and how they slope away, in gentle folds, into my armpits. I felt self-conscious and I thought to
 myself that I wished the conversation, if there were to be any, would be a trifle more cerebral.
\par "You want to talk" - she sighed and leaned back, making me aware for the first time of the proximity she just abandoned - "What do you want to talk about?"
\par I 
glared at her, desperately recalling everything I ever read about mind-reading and telepathy. Either my face is see-through translucent or she was a witch. Her fiery hair made the latter option by far the more probable. I didn't want to consider the third
 possibility: that she had been on many blind dates and that all males react the same. And I mean the exact same way.
\par "You study anything?" - I enquired and she made a show of unclasping a black purse, pulling out a box of cigarettes, extracting one, diving
 for a lighter, and failing to make it work. Finally, her cigarette ablaze, she exhaled a measured puff of smoke. She weighed my query for awhile and then responded:
\par "Depends what you mean. I learn all the time, even in this meeting."
\par I tried to counter when, suddenly, she violently crushed the butt in the fancy metal ashtray. 
\par She glowered, lids lowered, at the smoldering remnants until they embered and then looked at me again. I could literally see the clash of various considerations in her mind, her indecision.
\par "Look,"- she declared- "I am a great fan of clicking and chemistry. I even believe in love at first sight. What about you?"
\par I told her that I, too, am a believer in the power of biology. She swept aside my intellectualization impatiently: "What does it matter, why it exists as long as it does!" We agreed on that.
\par "So, I would say that in our case, it is love at first sight" - she summed flatly, as though she were reporting the outcome of an inordinately complex chess match. As though this "fact" had
 equal standing with all others (for instance, with the fact that we have ordered nothing to eat or drink).
\par It all became so clear. Some sentences possess the power to rearrange reality and abruptly illuminate the scene. You see things you haven't known ev
en existed. They call it "explanatory power" in philosophy of science. Her words had such an effect on me. Hitherto, it has all been so opaque, the way I felt and how I regarded various parts of this tryst.
\par But when I examined the sentence "I am in love", it shed light all around. I have a predilection towards "key phrases", the kind that, not unlike some magic spells, capture the entire world in its embryonic state. 
\par I am in love. Yes, this could serve as a sufficient explanation for what was happening bet
ween us and inside me. But, was this also a necessary one? In other words: couldn't there be another interpretation that arranged the universe so that it acquired meaning, cause, and a goal - without resorting to the assumption that I am enamored of her?

\par A
n organizing principle, this is what I really needed urgently - either this, or an all-consuming infatuation, the kind that Jezebel was clearly offering by employing plural pronouns. She didn't say: Look, you are in love and that is why you take in realit
y the way you do. No. She said: "In our case, it is love at first sight." In our case. Evidently, she found this choice of words equally enlightening.
\par So what can one do with a girl who confides in you this way? We rose from the table without ordering and with no bill to pay. I left a crumpled note to the baffled waitress and we went to my place to fuck.
\par In the silence after (the clocks ticking louder that usual), Jezebel lit a smoke and so did I. It had the hallmarks of a dead end because fucking is suppose
d to be the culmination, not the opening act. What can two people do after sex that is as potent and as telling?
\par They cohabit, I assume. Time is as powerful as coitus. So, I offered and she accepted and she bent towards me, her breasts dangling but firm, p
ressed into my flaccid chest, and butterfly-kissed my eyelids, licking my bushy eyebrows and the bridge of my prominent nose into the bargain. That was her way of saying "I do."
\par We cohabited. We transformed our bodies into dual playgrounds, each day discov
ering new installations. Our brains fused and rarely did I have to complete my sentences. Or hers. We strolled, hands clasped, rubbing shoulders, thighs, and hips on every opportunity.
\par I thought this must be happiness and most probably it was. We did every
thing together but knew how to feel alone. We shared the same tastes and generally agreed about most issues. We took old-fashioned care of each other when we were ill and did the same when were not. She, for instance, surprised me with my favorite flavore
d
 teas in the most unexpected moments and it felt like receiving a gift on a non-birthday. I couldn't see enough of her - though, as time passed, I loved her more like one does one's childhood books and intimate, time-worn furnishings. I believe that she r
eciprocated, that's what her eyes communicated when we made love.
\par Perhaps I should not have been so taken aback when she announced that she is leaving, that she has someone else. Perhaps I really wasn't. I think that the problem was less the element of surprise than the all-pervading hurt.
\par I sat on our crumbling leather loveseat, a puppet without its master, the strings torn from my skin, bleeding their way out. I cried a lot and begged, but, all that time, I knew that this is leading nowhere, that it is onl
y a question of time, and not a lot of it.
\par I was like a cancer patient whose nights are numbered. I would wake up and gaze at her asleep for hours. I knew she was making it with someone else and I replayed their torrid copulations over and over again. Her 
part was easy to imagine. I knew what she liked done and I saw no reason why he would not oblige, if only to make her entire edifice moan and purr. Whenever I think of things I did or got wrong, I shut tight my eyes and pucker my face. Sometimes I whistle
 or repeat a mantra or say something in Nazi. That's how I exorcise my shame and guilt. I did it often now.
\par Solitude again. It is far more onerous after togetherness. Coming to think of it: why was it so easy being alone before? Isn't it strange? Togetherne
ss probably has an elusive component that is addictive. Loneliness feels like the panic of a patient whose medication ran out and there is no way of obtaining more or substitutes. Every object and every sound and music and the occasional street cry are li
ke handles attached to pain-stuffed drawers. I drowned in their content.
\par My friends embarked on another round. I started to feel like Job. They said: "Listen, if you don't circulate and meet girls ... They won't just come here, you know! You've got to go th
e extra mile, literally and figuratively. You've got to make an effort if you don't want to be lonely!"
\par When they departed, I boiled some tea and, admittedly, it didn't taste the way it did before. There is some ingredient in loving hands that alters the v
ery attributes of the world. But it was still tea and it was sweetened with low-fat milk. I drank it hesitantly at first and then more avidly and then gulped it down voraciously. When I was done, I wiped my lips with upturned hand and inspected with mild 
interest the moistened outcome. It reminded me of a woman.
\par I think I already knew the answer. Thus, that lonely night with a flaming sword which turned every way inside my guts, I recognized my truth. I went over to the panoramic view torn in the living roo
m of this once-cohabited apartment. I looked down at the grayish, indecisively truncated street. All manner of figures crossed it, clad in T-shirts and denims. Fossilized in pain, they were beyond the reach of even the most loving and well-meaning.
\par And thi
s is precisely what I came to understand: that love is no insurance policy. It's not even a promise. It can't predict a single forward move. Salvation is only one of many options, not the inevitable outcome. This realization did not make me happier, it re
ally didn't. But it sure made me stronger.
\par I dimmed the piercing halogen light, placed a Brahms in the DVD player, sprawled on our tattered leather armchair, letting its coolness penetrate me. Eyes shut, I counted the times I listened to this oeuvre. I soot
hed myself: "Listen, you have known yourself for many years now. You are an OK guy, all considered. Don't you think we are going to make it?"
\par And I added: "Actually, why involve others in this love affair be
tween me and myself? Entre-nous, who will love me like I do. who will spoil me unconditionally and with whom can I be so open? And if these are not the determinants and dimensions of true love, what are?"
\par The more I contemplated this, the more I knew I hit upon the quintessence, I stumbled across the right decision, I faced incomparable attachment.
\par I hugged my shoulders with my own, dry, warm hands and tilting my head to one side, I kissed and gently bit one rounded hill and then another in tender foreplay.
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\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \page 
\par 
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\ltrch {\*\bkmkstart _Nothing\'92s_Happening_at}{\*\bkmkend _Nothing\'92s_Happening_at}Nothing\rquote s Happening at Home
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\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch by Sam Vaknin
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par 
\par 
\par 
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \lang1033\langfe1033\langnp1033 Mother tells me not to say anything at school about what is happening at home. Nothing is happening at home. Come morning, I wake up from my restless sleep and 
either I wetted my bed or I didn't. If I did, mother silently packs off my soaked pajamas and the damp sheets, casting a harsh glance at the black stain that seeps into the bed's upholstery. The house already reeks and she opens the shutters and lays the 
linen on the window panes, half out and the dry half in. 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \fi173\li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \lang1033\langfe1033\langnp1033 
I get dressed and brush my teeth. I stare at my feet that are the shape of irons and conceal them, standing on one naked foot and then another, enthralled by their curvaceous obesity. The white paste
 and my saliva swirl in my mouth and drip on my undershirt in odoriferous stripes. I have bad breath but I don't know it yet. Nir will tell me and then I will. I frown and pull the polluted garment away, as though I could undress horizontally instead of v
e
rtically, hands stretched upwards. It turns dark for a moment and scary so I scream. And this is how I earn today's first slap. Mother dumps the soiled underthings in the gaping laundry pale. Her eyes are desperate. I am not a successful kid. I am ugly an
d
 immature and I have an eggplant nose ("berengena" in Ladino). I rub my hurting cheek and put on the sky blue school uniform shirt and trousers. I don't know how to tie my shoelaces. Instead of slender butterflies I get knotted caterpillars, bound larva, 
r
epulsive insects with two plastic tipped antennas. My mother is taking care of my small sister. I wait patiently. She sighs and places the baby on the bed. She steps towards me and I recoil because I don't know how mad I made her. I am not sure what it's 
g
oing to be this time. Sometimes she just groans and ties the laces with one incisive motion but at other times she pinches me real hard and we are both mum and my blood streams down to her nip until the place acquires shades of black, and blue and deep pu
r
ple. She doesn't have to tell me to roll down my sleeves. I do it. The dirty laundry of this family stays at home. Our secrets are ours and no one else's. Sometimes I imagine us like a fortress and the enemy would kill to learn all kinds of things about u
s but we are not going to let it, no way. We will protect each other and we will hold them back. 
\par On the days that mother washes the house, I withdraw to a corner and I imagine a mighty army, shooting arrows from all kinds of cracks and casements and I see 
a hero and he is fighting empty-handed in a variety of martial arts and he wins. Cooped up in an angle, the dirty water churning around me, rivulets of our effluence, revolting strands of hair and nail clippings. Then she spreads a tattered blanket in the
 tiny balcony and turns on the radio and we listen to the Program for the Mother and Child, Listen now you lovely kids, our program is complete and she brings me a big bowl of fruits and I eat them and feed my sister, too.
\par When the shoelaces business is ove
r, I turn my back to her and await the heft of my schoolbag and I exit without saying goodbye or so long or anything. She yells after me to be careful how I cross the street, there are cars, and to be wary of children, don't let them beat you. Once, a str
a
nger lifted me on his shoulders and asked me to read aloud the names on the mailboxes. We went through many buildings, him and me. He told me that he was looking for some family. When I returned home, they shouted at me something awful and warned me not t
o
 associate with strangers because they are dangerous, this is a fortress and we are in it. Even our extended family don't visit. Mother and father don't like it when they do. They set a table with all kinds of alcoholic drinks and non-alcoholic beverages 
that we, the children are allowed to consume but mother's eyes follow everyone to see if they have touched anything and she doesn't like at all the mess they make, these guests.
\par I don't pee at school because the urinals are not clean or something. I don't r
emember why, I just know not to pee. Mother tells me not to hold back, it isn't healthy but I abstain on purpose. I want to pee at home. When I come back, mother doesn't let me visit the restroom to get sorted out. That's how we call it, "sorted out". It'
s
 a word the teacher Mina taught us, she said that it is not nice to pee, better to get sorted out. Mother adores this word and it became compulsory, because we are not allowed to use foul language. So I ask permission to get sorted out and mother takes a 
broom to me and beats me forcefully on the back and all the neighbors stand at\~
 the entrance door and watch and I pee on myself and on the floor is this large yellow puddle in which I stand. Mummy's broom gets all wet and the neighbors laugh and mother send
s me away to change my clothes, perhaps now I will learn not to hold back at school. She takes down my trousers and I am exposed to the jeering crowd, drenched and naked. It isn't a good day, this one. I read all evening and I read at night and I read dur
ing the morning. I read a lot throughout this not so good day.
\par Mother could have been a famous author or an important actress but instead she had us and did not become one. She became a housewife. There is a lot of sadness and a lot of anger when she tells 
us that and also how once she appeared in a play as Pook the naughty dwarf and everyone complimented her and urged her to join a professional troupe. She couldn't do it because she was working in a shoe store on {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}
Mount Carmel{\*\xmlclose} to support her father and 
her mother who didn't love her at all because she was boyish. She wore her hair like a boy and dressed like a boy and was as daring as a boy and she gulped huge quantities of salty soup and three loaves of bread when she came back from work at the shop ow
n
ed by the Yekkes (German-Jews) whom she admired. When I was born, the radio broadcast the proceedings of the Eichmann trial and she called me "My Little Eichmann" but that was only in jest. These Yekkes with their order and efficiency and table manners an
d
 how she studied German and they all admired her in return. And now this: a wailing baby and the dripping bed sheets of her first born (you are not a child anymore!) already six years old and must grow up and her fingernails gouging my veins on the inside
 
of my arm and all my blood rushing towards her and staining and she stares down at her hand, a glimmer in her eyes wide open and I slowly extract my arm from her grasp and she does not resist it. She just sighs and brings some stinging violet iodine and s
mears it on the lacerations. After some time they scar and all that remain are pale and elongated mother traces.
\par So now I am reading and am in all my imaginary kingdoms and writing horror poems that mother finds and stashes on a towering cupboard to make me
 stop it because it's sick and she doesn't want to see it again. She tears the books I borrow from the public library and flings them out of the concrete bars that frame our laundry room where we also dine on a tiny wooden table. Through these bars she te
a
rs my realms apart and down to the shriveling grass and I leave everything and gallop downstairs because I am afraid that by the time I get to my shredded books someone will abscond with them or the wind will scatter them or the rain. I find them prostrat
e
 and wounded and I salve them with my spit to heal them like mother's purple iodine. I think that maybe my saliva will glue them back thick as it is but they remain the same, only now their torn pages are also damp. Back at home father and I sellotape the
 
ruptured leaves and when I go to the library, I say all kinds of lies or put on an innocent face so that the librarian Shula will not flip through it and see our shoddy handicraft, my father's and my own, even tough he has golden hands and fixes everythin
g
 at home. But I keep reading, sometimes five whole books a day. I am completely uninterested in their content. I don't read even one of them to its end, skip numerous paragraphs, don't even finish thrillers or mysteries. Just scan the pages, dimly aware o
f
 the words and father says to mother when she curses me under her breath, what do you want from him, you don't understand him at all and who can, he doesn't belong to us, he is from another planet. I weep when I hear these words, my silent tears, not the 
c
ries I give out when I am beaten and not the self-indulgent whimpering and see how ugly you are when you are like that. No, this is a true release between me and my pillow and I feel then how poor they are and how much I should pity them and not the other
 
way around, because I am not from this world and I don't belong and they have to raise me all the same. Even though they are proud of me because I am a star pupil and give the keynote addresses in all the school and municipal events and declare open and c
l
osed all the ceremonies and from a tender age I had the voice of s radio announcer and am a prodigy with a bright future. Mother herself tells me that when we sit around the table and she looks my age she is so young and with a boyish haircut and pink, ta
ut skin on her high cheekbones. She says that she is proud of me but not to let it go to my head, but there is a change in her attitude towards me, like a new fear, like I am out of the fortress now, unpredictable, from another world and don't belong. 

\par She 
used to tell us about Gamliel the Sage and his adventures that always had an object lesson with his scrawny and miserable goat and his stupid neighbors that he always tricked and we would beg, mother mother, more and she graciously consented and those wer
e afternoons of magic and I felt no need to read, only to listen to the stories of the Sage and his donkey and his son and his goat and to sip from that sweetened peach-flavored drink she made us.
\par But then she would say enough and ask who touched the refrig
erator and we would say not we but she knew. She always pointed at us and said that we had touched the refrigerator and we know we mustn't and how her life is being ruined by the need to clean after us and then the beatings, the beatings. All our body.

\par In 
the middle of the apartment we have a floor-to-ceiling metal divider. Father welded it together from metal leaves and metal vines and stuck a small aquarium full of teeny fish and water and a plastic diver that gives off bubbles and all kinds of shells an
d
 fine ground sand. Every morning, father gets up and spreads smelly aquarium food with callused fingers over the bubble-troubled water, rusty flakes that sink like feathers straight into the gaping jaws of the frenetic fishes. Every week one of them would
 
remain stuck at the bottom or float and the others would snap at it and we know it is dead and it is bloated too. At night, I sleep across from this divider, on the side that mother forbids to enter during the day and the flickering light emitted by the e
l
ectric all souls candle illuminates the diver and the inky water and his loneliness and the bubbles and everything and I watch it all until I fall asleep. Come morning, the room beyond the divider is off-limits, only mother is scrubbing and carefully dust
i
ng the nightly build-up off the expensive Formica furniture. I am the only one who sleeps there at night, facing the television set. Even guests are asked to watch this black-and-white wonder from the outside. Until my bedtime, I sit overlooking them all 
but don't take my socks off not to show my feet like irons and I hope not to wet the sheets in front of everyone, anything but that. Mother passes cookies to old Monsieur Yossef from {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname 
country-region}}Turkey{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose} who talks incessantly. And so I doze off amidst 
the sounds of the TV and of Monsieur Yossef. I have bad dreams and listen to mother and father arguing I will pack my suitcases and leave you all tomorrow, feel free, mother says, feel free to go. Tomorrow he doesn't. He gets up at the middle of the night
 to go to work and before he departs he straightens our blankets and I think that maybe he kisses my cheek or forehead somehow, otherwise how did his stubble scrape me it must have been a kiss.
\par The next day father brings me books from the library of the Union of Construction Workers in {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname City}}Haifa{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}
 that I never visit. I do go with him to attend lectures at the {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname place}}Union{\*\xmlclose}
 and I ask the lecturers smart questions and everyone is amazed and so is dad. He inflates the way he always does when he is proud of me. 
Now in the book he brought me there is a story about a king and clothes and a kid who has the guts to cry even though it is the monarch and everything: "The King is Naked". I read it a couple of times like I don't believe that some kid will shout such a t
h
ing about the king and what happened to him afterwards, surely he was scratched and pinched at least to death. I contemplate his iron-like feet, petite and rosy when he ascends to the gallows and how his head rolls sprinkling gore all over the crowd but e
v
erything is frozen and no one cheers like in the movies about the French revolution. Everyone gapes at this kid's lips through which he said that the King is Naked. There is something empowering and hopeful in this, as though a goodhearted old fellow with
 long hair bends over me because he notices that I am small and that I am bleeding profusely from my arms and he gives me this magic spell, this faith.
\par I open my eyes and I see that mother has a kerchief on her head, like she always wears when she is dustin
g. She notices my stare but she sings boisterously and I know that I am unnerving her by watching her do her chores. I know that soon she will mete out what a child like me deserves.
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \lang1033\langfe1033\langnp1033 
\par }{\field\flddirty{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch HYPERLINK  \\l "_C_O_N"}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch {\*\datafield 08d0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b0200000008000000070000005f0043005f004f005f004e000000}}}{\fldrslt {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \cs15\ul\cf2 Return}}}{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \page }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053 
\par 
\par 
\par 
\par 
\par 
\par 
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl-720\slmult0\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \ai\af0\afs64 \ltrch \i\f0\fs64\charrsid11866304 The Suffering of Being Kafka
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053 
\par 
\par 
\par 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \ab\af0\afs28 \ltrch \b\f0\fs28 {\*\bkmkstart PoetryPG}Poetry{\*\bkmkend PoetryPG}
\par Of Healing and Abuse}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \cgrid0 \page 
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \cgrid0\charrsid8276053 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s1\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\outlinelevel0\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \ab\af35\afs24\alang1037 \ltrch \b\f35\fs24\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch {\*\bkmkstart _Our_Love_Alivid}{\*\bkmkend _Our_Love_Alivid}Our Love Alivid}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\cgrid0\charrsid8276053 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch by Sam Vaknin
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \cgrid0\charrsid8276053 
\par 
\par 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sa60\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20\charrsid1670092 Our bloated love alivid
\par at the insolence of time
\par protests by falling in,
\par involuntarily committed.
\par You are the sadness
\par in my sepia nights.
\par I am in yours.
\par We correspond across
\par our dead togetherness.}{\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20\cgrid0\charrsid1670092 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }{\field\flddirty{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch HYPERLINK  \\l "_C_O_N"}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch {\*\datafield 08d0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b0200000008000000070000005f0043005f004f005f004e000000}}}{\fldrslt {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \cs15\ul\cf2 Return}}}{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \page 
\par 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s1\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\outlinelevel0\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \ab\af35\afs24\alang1037 \ltrch \b\f35\fs24\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch {\*\bkmkstart _Moi_Aussi}{\*\bkmkend _Moi_Aussi}Moi Aussi
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch by Sam Vaknin
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par 
\par 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sa60\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20\charrsid3042664 I need to know you
\par even as I never know my self
\par that phantom ache
\par of amputated innocence}{\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20 .}{\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20\charrsid3042664 
\par You,
\par the stirrings of a curtain, dust
\par settling on sepia cukoo clocks
\par covers obscuring}{\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20 .}{\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20\charrsid3042664 
\par Perhaps one day you will become
\par a benign sentence
\par an agency
\par through which to be.
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }{\field\flddirty{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch HYPERLINK  \\l "_C_O_N"}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch {\*\datafield 08d0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b0200000008000000070000005f0043005f004f005f004e000000}}}{\fldrslt {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \cs15\ul\cf2 Return}}}{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \page 
\par 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s1\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\outlinelevel0\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \ab\af35\afs24\alang1037 \ltrch \b\f35\fs24\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch {\*\bkmkstart _Cutting_to_Existence}{\*\bkmkend _Cutting_to_Existence}Cutting to Existence
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch by Sam Vaknin
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par 
\par 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sa60\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20\charrsid5519003 My little brother cuts himself into existence.
\par With razor tongue I try to shave his pain,
\par he wouldn't listen.
\par His ears are woolen screams, the wrath
\par of heartbeats breaking to the surface.
\par His own Red Art.
\par When he cups his bleeding hands
\par the sea of our childhood
\par wells in my eyes
\par wells in his veins
\par like common salt.
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }{\field\flddirty{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch HYPERLINK  \\l "_C_O_N"}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch {\*\datafield 08d0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b0200000008000000070000005f0043005f004f005f004e000000}}}{\fldrslt {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \cs15\ul\cf2 Return}}}{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \page 
\par 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s1\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\outlinelevel0\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \ab\af35\afs24\alang1037 \ltrch \b\f35\fs24\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch {\*\bkmkstart _A_Hundred_Children}{\*\bkmkend _A_Hundred_Children}A Hundred Children
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch by Sam Vaknin
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par 
\par 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sa60\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20\charrsid5519003 Tell me about your sunshine
\par and the sounds of\~coffee
\par and\~of barefeet pounding the earthen floor
\par the creaking trees
\par and the skinned memory of hugs
\par you gave
\par and you received.
\par Sit down, yes, here,
\par the intermittent sobbing
\par of the shades
\par slit by your golden face.
\par Now listen to the hundred children
\par that are your womb.
\par I am among them.
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }{\field\flddirty{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch HYPERLINK  \\l "_C_O_N"}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch {\*\datafield 08d0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b0200000008000000070000005f0043005f004f005f004e000000}}}{\fldrslt {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \cs15\ul\cf2 Return}}}{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \page 
\par 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s1\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\outlinelevel0\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \ab\af35\afs24\alang1037 \ltrch \b\f35\fs24\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch {\*\bkmkstart _The_Old_Gods}{\*\bkmkend _The_Old_Gods}The Old Gods Wander
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch by Sam Vaknin
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par 
\par 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sa60\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20\charrsid5123374 Your promised lands
\par with reticence.
\par Grey, forced benevolence.
\par They shrug their crumpled robes,
\par extend in veinous hand
\par black cornucopia.
\par You're fighting back, it's evident,
\par bony protrusions, a thumping chest,
\par the clamming up of sweaty pearls.
\par They aim at your Olympian head.
\par There, in the meadows of your mind,
\par grazing on dewy hurt,
\par they defecate a premonition
\par of impending doom.
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }{\field\flddirty{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch HYPERLINK  \\l "_C_O_N"}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch {\*\datafield 08d0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b0200000008000000070000005f0043005f004f005f004e000000}}}{\fldrslt {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \cs15\ul\cf2 Return}}}{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \page 
\par 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s1\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\outlinelevel0\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \ab\af35\afs24\alang1037 \ltrch \b\f35\fs24\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch {\*\bkmkstart _In_the_Concentration}{\*\bkmkend _In_the_Concentration}In the Concentration Camp Called Home
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch by Sam Vaknin
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par 
\par 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sa60\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20\charrsid12262653 In the concentration camp called Home,
\par we report in striped p}{\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20 y}{\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20\charrsid12262653 jamas
\par to the barefeet commandant,
\par Our Mother orchestrating
\par our daily holocaust.
\par Burrowing her finger-
\par -nails through my palms,
\par a scream frozen between us,
\par a stalactite of terror
\par in the green caves of her eyes
\par there, sentenced to forced labour:
\par to mine her veins of hatred
\par to shovel her contempt
\par to pile scorn upon scorn
\par beating(s) a path.
\par At {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}noon{\*\xmlclose}, Our Mother
\par leads us to the chambers
\par naked, ripples of flesh
\par she turns on the gas
\par and watches our hunger
\par as her food devours us.
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }{\field\flddirty{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch HYPERLINK  \\l "_C_O_N"}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch {\*\datafield 08d0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b0200000008000000070000005f0043005f004f005f004e000000}}}{\fldrslt {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \cs15\ul\cf2 Return}}}{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \page 
\par 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s1\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\outlinelevel0\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \ab\af35\afs24\alang1037 \ltrch \b\f35\fs24\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch {\*\bkmkstart _The_Miracle_of}{\*\bkmkend _The_Miracle_of}The Miracle of the Kisses
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch by Sam Vaknin
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par 
\par 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sa60\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20\charrsid14369598 That night, the cock denied him thrice.
\par His mother and the whore downloaded him,
\par nails etched into his palms,
\par his thorny forehead glistening,
\par his body speared.
\par He wanted to revive unto their moisture.
\par But the nauseating scents of vinegar
\par and Roman legionnaires,
\par the dampness of the cave,
\par }{\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20 and then that final stone\'85}{\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20\charrsid14369598 
\par His brain wide open,
\par supper digested
\par that was to have been his last.
\par He missed so his disciples,
\par the miracle of their kisses.
\par He was determined not to decompose.
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }{\field\flddirty{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch HYPERLINK  \\l "_C_O_N"}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch {\*\datafield 08d0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b0200000008000000070000005f0043005f004f005f004e000000}}}{\fldrslt {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \cs15\ul\cf2 Return}}}{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \page 
\par 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s1\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\outlinelevel0\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \ab\af35\afs24\alang1037 \ltrch \b\f35\fs24\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch {\*\bkmkstart _Fearful_Love}{\*\bkmkend _Fearful_Love}Fearful Love
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch by Sam Vaknin
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par 
\par 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sa60\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20\charrsid6759013 Cherubim turn swords,
\par cast flaming fig leaves
\par on a cursed ground.
\par With bruised heels
\par we labour
\par among the bitten,
\par festering fruits of our ignorance,
\par making thorns and thistles
\par of our crowns.
\par In the sweat of our faces,
\par a pheromonic resonance.
\par In our dusty hearts,
\par skinclad, in cleavage,
\par we hope to live forever,
\par flesh closed upon itself,
\par conceiving sorrow.
\par Our trees are pleasant to the sight
\par of gold and onyxstone
\par and every beast and fowl has its name
\par except for our nakedness.
\par In a garden of talking serpents,
\par cool days and lying Gods,
\par I betray you to the voice
\par and hide.
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\field\flddirty{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch HYPERLINK  \\l "_C_O_N"}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch {\*\datafield 
08d0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b0200000008000000070000005f0043005f004f005f004e000000}}}{\fldrslt {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \cs15\ul\cf2 Return}}}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \page 
\par 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s1\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\outlinelevel0\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \ab\af35\afs24\alang1037 \ltrch \b\f35\fs24\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch {\*\bkmkstart _My_Putrid_Lover}{\*\bkmkend _My_Putrid_Lover}My Putrid Lover
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch by Sam Vaknin
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par 
\par 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sa60\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20\charrsid15820138 My lover dreams
\par of acrid smells
\par and putrid tangs
\par I lick
\par (dishevel}{\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20 l}{\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20\charrsid15820138 ed hair adorns)
\par her feet
\par I scale
\par the shrink-warped body.
\par I vomit semen
\par that her lips ingest.
\par And youth defies her.
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }{\field\flddirty{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch HYPERLINK  \\l "_C_O_N"}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch {\*\datafield 08d0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b0200000008000000070000005f0043005f004f005f004e000000}}}{\fldrslt {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \cs15\ul\cf2 Return}}}{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \page 
\par 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s1\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\outlinelevel0\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \ab\af35\afs24\alang1037 \ltrch \b\f35\fs24\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch {\*\bkmkstart _When_You_Wake}{\*\bkmkend _When_You_Wake}When You Wake the Morning
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch by Sam Vaknin
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par 
\par 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sa60\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20\charrsid14898845 When you wake the morning
\par red headed children shimmer in your eyes.
\par The veinous map
\par of sun drenched eyelids
\par flutters
\par throbbing topography.
\par Your muscles ripple.
\par Scared animals burrow
\par under your dewey skin.
\par Frozen light sculptures
\par where wrinkles dwell.
\par Embroidered shades,
\par in thick-maned tapestry.
\par Your lips depart in scarlet,
\par flesh to withering flesh,
\par and breath in curved tranquility
\par escapes the flaring nostrils.
\par Your warmth invades my sweat,
\par your lips leave skin regards
\par on my humidity.
\par Eyelashes clash.
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }{\field\flddirty{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch HYPERLINK  \\l "_C_O_N"}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch {\*\datafield 08d0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b0200000008000000070000005f0043005f004f005f004e000000}}}{\fldrslt {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \cs15\ul\cf2 Return}}}{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \page 
\par 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s1\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\outlinelevel0\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \ab\af35\afs24\alang1037 \ltrch \b\f35\fs24\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch {\*\bkmkstart _Narcissism}{\*\bkmkend _Narcissism}Narcissism
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch by Sam Vaknin
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par 
\par 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sa60\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20\charrsid15490963 The Toxic
\par waste of bottled anger
\par venomi}{\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20 s}{\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20\charrsid15490963 ed.
\par Life belly up.
\par The reeds.
\par The wind is hissing
\par death
\par downstream,
\par a river holds
\par its vapour breath
\par and leaves black lips
\par of tar and fish
\par a bloated shore.
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }{\field\flddirty{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch HYPERLINK  \\l "_C_O_N"}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch {\*\datafield 08d0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b0200000008000000070000005f0043005f004f005f004e000000}}}{\fldrslt {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \cs15\ul\cf2 Return}}}{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \page 
\par 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s1\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\outlinelevel0\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \ab\af35\afs24\alang1037 \ltrch \b\f35\fs24\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch {\*\bkmkstart _Prague_at_Dusk}{\*\bkmkend _Prague_at_Dusk}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}Prague{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose} at Dusk
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch by Sam Vaknin
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par 
\par 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sa60\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20\charrsid8274182 {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname 
country-region}}Prague{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose} lays over its inhabitants in shades of grey.}{\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20 
\par }{\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20\charrsid8274182 Oppressively close to the surface, some of us duck, others
\par simply walk carefully, our shoulders stooped, trying to
\par avoid the monochrome rainbow at the end of the hesitant
\par rain. Prague rains itself on us, impaled on one hundreds
\par towers, on a thousand immolated golden domes. We
\par pretend not to see it bleeding to the river. We just cross
\par each other in ornate street corners, from behind}{\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20 
\par }{\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20\charrsid8274182 exquisite palaces. We don't shake heads politely anymore.
\par We are not sure whether they will stay connected if we do.
\par 
\par It is in such times that I remember an especially sad song,}{\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20 
\par }{\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20\charrsid8274182 Arabic sounds interlaced with Jewish wailing. Wall after}{\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20 
\par }{\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20\charrsid8274182 wall, turret after turret}{\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20 , I re-visit my homeland. It is
\par }{\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20\charrsid8274182 there,}{\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20  }{\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20\charrsid8274182 in that city, whi}{\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20 ch is not Arab, nor Jewish, not
\par }{\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20\charrsid8274182 entirely}{\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20  }{\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20\charrsid8274182 modern, nor decidedly antique that I met her.
\par 
\par And the pain was strong.
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }{\field\flddirty{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch HYPERLINK  \\l "_C_O_N"}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch {\*\datafield 08d0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b0200000008000000070000005f0043005f004f005f004e000000}}}{\fldrslt {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \cs15\ul\cf2 Return}}}{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \page 
\par 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s1\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\outlinelevel0\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \ab\af35\afs24\alang1037 \ltrch \b\f35\fs24\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch {\*\bkmkstart _In_Moist_Propinquity}{\*\bkmkend _In_Moist_Propinquity}In Moist Propinquity
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch by Sam Vaknin
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par 
\par 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sa60\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20\charrsid4071949 Hemmed in our bed,
\par in moist propinquity,
\par 'tis night and starry
\par and the neighbourhood inebriated,
\par in the vomitary of our street.
\par A woman,
\par my stone-faced lover,
\par a woman and her smells.
\par The yellow haze of melancholy lampposts.
\par Your hair consumes you.
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }{\field\flddirty{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch HYPERLINK  \\l "_C_O_N"}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch {\*\datafield 08d0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b0200000008000000070000005f0043005f004f005f004e000000}}}{\fldrslt {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \cs15\ul\cf2 Return}}}{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \page 
\par 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s1\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\outlinelevel0\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \ab\af35\afs24\alang1037 \ltrch \b\f35\fs24\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch {\*\bkmkstart _Prowling}{\*\bkmkend _Prowling}Prowling
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch by Sam Vaknin
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par 
\par 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sa60\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20\charrsid12788614 The little things we do together
\par to give up life.
\par The percolating coffee,
\par your aromatic breath,
\par the dream that glues
\par your eyelids to my cheek.
\par We both relent relentlessly.
\par Your hair flows to its end,
\par a natural cascade,
\par a velvet avalanche
\par buries my hands.
\par In motion paraly}{\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20 s}{\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20\charrsid12788614 ed,
\par we prowl each other's
\par hunting grounds.
\par Day breaks, our backs
\par turned to the light
\par in dark refusal.
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }{\field\flddirty{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch HYPERLINK  \\l "_C_O_N"}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch {\*\datafield 08d0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b0200000008000000070000005f0043005f004f005f004e000000}}}{\fldrslt {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \cs15\ul\cf2 Return}}}{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \page 
\par 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s1\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\outlinelevel0\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \ab\af35\afs24\alang1037 \ltrch \b\f35\fs24\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch {\*\bkmkstart _Getting_Old}{\*\bkmkend _Getting_Old}Getting Old
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch by Sam Vaknin
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par 
\par 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sa60\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20\charrsid1917016 The sageing flesh,
\par a wrinkled vicedom.
\par The veined reverberation
\par of a life consumed.
\par On corneas imprinted
\par with a thousand dreams,
\par now stage penumbral plays
\par directed by a sight receding
\par and a brain enraged.
\par To fall, as curtains call,
\par to bow the last,
\par rendered a sepia image
\par in a camera obscured,
\par a line of credits,
\par fully exhausted,
\par fully endured.
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }{\field\flddirty{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch HYPERLINK  \\l "_C_O_N"}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch {\*\datafield 08d0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b0200000008000000070000005f0043005f004f005f004e000000}}}{\fldrslt {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \cs15\ul\cf2 Return}}}{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \page 
\par 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s1\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\outlinelevel0\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \ab\af35\afs24\alang1037 \ltrch \b\f35\fs24\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch {\*\bkmkstart _Sally_Ann}{\*\bkmkend _Sally_Ann}Sally Ann
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch by Sam Vaknin
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par 
\par 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20\charrsid15553030 I wrote, Sally Ann, I wrote:
\par 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sa60\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20\charrsid15553030 Shot from the cannon of abuse
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20\charrsid15553030 as unwise missiles do.
\par 
\par Course set.
\par 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sa60\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20\charrsid15553030 Explosive clouds that mark
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20\charrsid15553030 your video destination.
\par 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sa60\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20\charrsid5075997 Experts interpret,
\par pricking with laser markers,
\par inflated dialects
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20\charrsid15553030 of doom.
\par 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sa60\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20\charrsid5075997 Hitting the target, you
\par splinter, a spectacle
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20\charrsid15553030 of fire and of smoke.
\par 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sa60\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20\charrsid5075997 The molten ashes,
\par the cold metallic remnants,
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20\charrsid15553030 the core\'85
\par 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sa60\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20\charrsid5075997 A peace accord
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20\charrsid15553030 between you and your self.
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }{\field\flddirty{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch HYPERLINK  \\l "_C_O_N"}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch {\*\datafield 08d0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b0200000008000000070000005f0043005f004f005f004e000000}}}{\fldrslt {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \cs15\ul\cf2 Return}}}{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \page 
\par 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s1\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\outlinelevel0\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \ab\af35\afs24\alang1037 \ltrch \b\f35\fs24\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch {\*\bkmkstart _Selfdream}{\*\bkmkend _Selfdream}Selfdream
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch by Sam Vaknin
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par 
\par 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sa60\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20\charrsid13195276 At times, I dream myself bes}{\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20 i}{\rtlch 
\ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20\charrsid13195276 eged.
\par I rebel with the cunning of the weak.
\par I walk the shortcuts.
\par Tormentors clad
\par in blood-soaked black,
\par salute as I manipulate them
\par into reali}{\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20 s}{\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20\charrsid13195276 ing their abyss.
\par Some weep their sockets hollow,
\par or waive their thorns.
\par Much pain negotiated.
\par A trading of the wounds.
\par My chains carve metal
\par and I am branded.
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }{\field\flddirty{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch HYPERLINK  \\l "_C_O_N"}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch {\*\datafield 08d0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b0200000008000000070000005f0043005f004f005f004e000000}}}{\fldrslt {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \cs15\ul\cf2 Return}}}{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \page 
\par 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s1\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\outlinelevel0\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \ab\af35\afs24\alang1037 \ltrch \b\f35\fs24\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch {\*\bkmkstart _Snowflake_Haiku}{\*\bkmkend _Snowflake_Haiku}Snowflake Haiku
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch by Sam Vaknin
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par 
\par 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sa60\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20\charrsid338462 Where I begin
\par your end
\par snowflake haikus
\par melt into
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20\charrsid338462 crystalline awareness.
\par 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sa60\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20\charrsid338462 I guard
\par your quivered sleep.
\par Your skin beats moisture.
\par The beckoning jugular
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20\charrsid338462 that is your mind.
\par 
\par My pointing teeth.
\par 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sa60\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20\charrsid338462 A universe
\par of frozen sharp relief,
\par the icy darts your voice
\par in my inebriated veins
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20\charrsid338462 in yours.
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }{\field\flddirty{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch HYPERLINK  \\l "_C_O_N"}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch {\*\datafield 08d0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b0200000008000000070000005f0043005f004f005f004e000000}}}{\fldrslt {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \cs15\ul\cf2 Return}}}{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \page 
\par 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s1\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\outlinelevel0\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \ab\af35\afs24\alang1037 \ltrch \b\f35\fs24\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch {\*\bkmkstart _Twinkle_Star}{\*\bkmkend _Twinkle_Star}Twinkle Star
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch by Sam Vaknin
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par 
\par 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sa60\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20\charrsid730990 Twinkle star
\par of barren scape
\par and ashen craters.
\par Seething Ammonia winds.
\par The fine dust
\par of life forgone
\par on surface tensioned.
\par Beneath its crust
\par trapped oceans surge
\par in icy recollection.
\par It hurls its core
\par again the dimming sun's
\par depleted inattention.
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }{\field\flddirty{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch HYPERLINK  \\l "_C_O_N"}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch {\*\datafield 08d0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b0200000008000000070000005f0043005f004f005f004e000000}}}{\fldrslt {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \cs15\ul\cf2 Return}}}{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \page 
\par 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s1\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\outlinelevel0\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \ab\af35\afs24\alang1037 \ltrch \b\f35\fs24\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch {\*\bkmkstart _Synthetic_Joy}{\*\bkmkend _Synthetic_Joy}Synthetic Joy
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch by Sam Vaknin
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par 
\par 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sa60\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20\charrsid6625561 Synthetic joy of wedding halls,
\par caked bride and groom,
\par a spewing orchestra,
\par metallic rings.
\par Exchanging aqueous looks,
\par thickset in exudate,
\par the relatives.
\par Mother exuding age,
\par a father pillaged by defeat,
\par a clutch of wombless matrons.
\par The light is ashen,
\par the food partitioned.
\par Soon, scene of soiled tables.
\par Soon, the relieved goodbyes.
\par Soon, the breathless breeding and the crumpled sheets.
\par The neon lights extinguished by the dawn.
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }{\field\flddirty{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch HYPERLINK  \\l "_C_O_N"}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch {\*\datafield 08d0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b0200000008000000070000005f0043005f004f005f004e000000}}}{\fldrslt {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \cs15\ul\cf2 Return}}}{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \page 
\par 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s1\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\outlinelevel0\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \ab\af35\afs24\alang1037 \ltrch \b\f35\fs24\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch {\*\bkmkstart _Tableaux_(van_Gogh)}{\*\bkmkend _Tableaux_(van_Gogh)}Tableaux (van Gogh)
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch by Sam Vaknin
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par 
\par 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sa60\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \ai\af35\afs20 \ltrch \i\fs20\charrsid7743649 Listening to a scarlet sink, detached
\par an ear, still glistening wax,
\par in bloody conch.
\par The gaping flesh.
\par Wild scattered eyes
\par fiercing the mirror.
\par Light ricochets from trembling blade
\par (it's gaslight evening and the breeze\'85)
\par Behind his stooping shoulders,
\par a painted room ablaze
\par the dripping composition of his blood.
\par The winding crowd
\par inflates the curtains inwards,
\par sails of a flying Dutchman.
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }{\field\flddirty{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch HYPERLINK  \\l "_C_O_N"}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch {\*\datafield 08d0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b0200000008000000070000005f0043005f004f005f004e000000}}}{\fldrslt {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \cs15\ul\cf2 Return}}}{
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \page 
\par 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s1\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\outlinelevel0\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \ab\af35\afs24\alang1037 \ltrch \b\f35\fs24\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch \charrsid8276053 {\*\bkmkstart _THE_AUTHOR}{\*\bkmkend _THE_AUTHOR}THE AUTHOR
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053 

\par 
\par 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s1\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\outlinelevel0\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \ab\af35\afs24\alang1037 \ltrch \b\f35\fs24\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch \cgrid0\charrsid8276053 Shmuel (Sam) Vaknin}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053 
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s2\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\outlinelevel1\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \ab\af35\afs20\alang1037 \ltrch \b\f35\fs20\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch \charrsid8276053 Curriculum Vitae
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par 
\par 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qc \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \ab\ai\af35 \ltrch \b\i\ul\charrsid4138271 Click on }{\rtlch \ab\ai\af35 \ltrch \b\i\ul\cf2\charrsid4138271 blue text}{\rtlch 
\ab\ai\af35 \ltrch \b\i\ul\charrsid4138271  to access relevant Web sites \endash  thank you.
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053 
\par 
\par 
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053 Born in 1961 in {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname 
country-region}}Qiryat-Yam{\*\xmlclose}, {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}Israel{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}.
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053 Served in the Israeli Defence Force (1979-1982) in training and education units.
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s3\qj \li0\ri0\sb120\sa60\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\outlinelevel2\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \ab\af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \b\f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053 Education
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053 
Graduated a few semesters in the Technion \endash  Israel Institute of Technology, {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}Haifa{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}.
\par Ph.D. in Philosophy (major: Philosophy of Physics) \endash  {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}Pacific Western University{\*\xmlclose}, {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}California
{\*\xmlclose}, {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}USA{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}.}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053 Graduate of numerous courses in Finance Theory and International Trading.
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053 Certified }{\field\flddirty{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
HYPERLINK "http://www.brainbench.com/xml/bb/transcript/public/viewtranscript.xml?pid=781937"}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch {\*\datafield 
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\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  by }{\field\flddirty{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  HYPERLINK "http://www.brainbench.com/xml/bb/business/aboutbrainbench.xml" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch {\*\datafield 
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\par Certified in }{\field\flddirty{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch HYPERLINK "http://www.brainbench.com/xml/bb/transcript/public/transcript_testdetails.xml?back=1&pid=781937&testid=6149637"}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch {\*\datafield 
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00340039003600330037000000}}}{\fldrslt {\rtlch \af0 \ltrch \cs15\ul\cf2\charrsid8276053 Psychological Counselling Techniques}}}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  by }{\field\flddirty{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch HYPERLINK "http://www.brainbench.com/
xml/bb/business/aboutbrainbench.xml"}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch {\*\datafield 
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2f00610062006f007500740062007200610069006e00620065006e00630068002e0078006d006c000000}}}{\fldrslt {\rtlch \af0 \ltrch \cs15\ul\cf2\charrsid5534034 Brainbench}}}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch .}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053 
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch Certified }{\field\flddirty{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  HYPERLINK "http://www.brainbench.com/xml/bb/transcript/public/viewtranscript.xml?pid=781937" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch {\*\datafield 
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\af35 \ltrch  by }{\field\flddirty{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch  HYPERLINK "http://www.brainbench.com/xml/bb/business/aboutbrainbench.xml" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch {\*\datafield 
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2f00610062006f007500740062007200610069006e00620065006e00630068002e0078006d006c000000}}}{\fldrslt {\rtlch \af0 \ltrch \cs15\ul\cf2\charrsid11216804 Brainbench}}}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch .
\par }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053 Full proficiency in Hebrew and in English.
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s3\qj \li0\ri0\sb120\sa60\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\outlinelevel2\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \ab\af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \b\f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053 Business Experience
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s4\qj \li0\ri0\sb60\sa60\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\outlinelevel3\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \ab\ai\af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \b\i\f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {
\rtlch \ai0\af35 \ltrch \fs16\charrsid5123657 1980 to 1983
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053 
Founder and co-owner of a chain of computerised information kiosks in {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}Tel-Aviv{\*\xmlclose}, {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}Israel
{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}.
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s4\qj \li0\ri0\sb60\sa60\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\outlinelevel3\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \ab\ai\af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \b\i\f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \fs16\charrsid8276053 1982 to 1985
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053 
Senior positions with the Nessim D. Gaon Group of Companies in {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}Geneva{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}, {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}
{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}Paris{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose} and New-York (NOGA and APROFIM SA):
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \fi-120\li120\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin120\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053 \endash  Chief Analyst of Edible Commodities in the Group's Headquarters in 
{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}Switzerland{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \fi-120\li120\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin120\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053 \endash  Manager of the Research and Analysis Division
\par \endash  Manager of the Data Processing Division
\par \endash  Project Manager of the Nigerian Computerised Census
\par \endash  Vice President in charge of RND and Advanced Technologies
\par \endash  Vice President in charge of Sovereign Debt Financing
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s4\qj \li0\ri0\sb60\sa60\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\outlinelevel3\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \ab\ai\af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \b\i\f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \fs16\charrsid8276053 1985 to 1986
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053 
Represented Canadian Venture Capital Funds in {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}Israel{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}.
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s4\qj \li0\ri0\sb60\sa60\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\outlinelevel3\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \ab\ai\af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \b\i\f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \fs16\charrsid8276053 1986 to 1987
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053 
General Manager of IPE Ltd. in {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}London{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}. The firm financed inte}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch rnational multi-lateral counter}{\rtlch \af35 
\ltrch \charrsid8276053 trade and leasing transactions.
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s4\qj \li0\ri0\sb60\sa60\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\outlinelevel3\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \ab\ai\af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \b\i\f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \fs16\charrsid8276053 1988 to 1990
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053 
Co-founder and Director of "Mikbats-Tesuah", a portfolio management firm based in Tel-Aviv.
\par Activities included large-scale portfolio management, underwriting, forex trading and general financial advisory services.
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s4\qj \li0\ri0\sb60\sa60\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\outlinelevel3\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \ab\ai\af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \b\i\f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \fs16\charrsid8276053 1990 to Present
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053 
Freelance consultant to many of {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}Israel{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}'s Blue-Chip firms, mainly on issues related to the capital markets in {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1
{\factoidname country-region}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}Israel{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}, {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}Canada{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}, the 
{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}UK{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose} and the {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}USA{\*\xmlclose}
{\*\xmlclose}.
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053 Consultant to foreign RND ventures and to }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch g}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
\charrsid8276053 overnments on macro-economic matters.
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053 President of the {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname 
country-region}}Israel{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose} chapter of the Professors World Peace Academy (PWPA) and (briefly) {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}Israel{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}
 representative of the "Washington Times".
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s4\qj \li0\ri0\sb60\sa60\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\outlinelevel3\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \ab\ai\af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \b\i\f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \fs16\charrsid8276053 1993 to 1994
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053 
Co-owner and Director of many business enterprises:
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \fi-120\li120\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin120\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053 \endash  The Omega and Energy Air-Conditioning Concern
\par \endash  AVP Financial Consultants
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \fi-120\li120\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin120\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053 \endash  Handiman Legal Services \endash 
 Total annual turnover of the group: 10 million USD.
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053 Co-owner, Director and Finance Manager of COSTI Ltd. \endash  {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname 
country-region}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}Israel{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}'s largest computerised information vendor and developer. Raised funds through a serie}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch s of private placements locally in the}{\rtlch 
\af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053  {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}USA{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}, {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}
Canada{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose} and {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}London{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}.
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s4\qj \li0\ri0\sb60\sa60\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\outlinelevel3\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \ab\ai\af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \b\i\f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \fs16\charrsid8276053 1993 to 1996
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053 
Publisher and Editor of a Capital Markets Newsletter distributed by subscription only to dozens of subscribers countrywide.
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053 In a legal precedent in 1995 \endash  studied in business schools and law faculties across 
{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}Israel{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose} \endash  was tried fo}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch r his role in an attempted take}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053 over of 
{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}Israel{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}'s Agriculture Bank.
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053 Was interned in the State School of Prison Wardens.
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053 Managed the Central School Library, wrote, published and lectured on various occasions.
\par Managed the Internet and International News Department of an Israeli mass media group, "Ha-Tikshoret and Namer".
\par Assistant in the Law Faculty in {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}Tel-Aviv{\*\xmlclose} {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}University{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}
 (to Prof. S.G. Shoham).
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\s4\qj \li0\ri0\sb60\sa60\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\outlinelevel3\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \ab\ai\af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \b\i\f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {
\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \fs16\charrsid8276053 1996 to 1999
\par }\pard\plain \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 \rtlch \af35\afs18\alang1037 \ltrch \f35\fs18\lang2057\langfe1033\cgrid\langnp2057\langfenp1033 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053 
Financial consultant to leading businesses in {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}Macedonia{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}, {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1
{\factoidname country-region}}Russia{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose} and the {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}Czech{\*\xmlclose} {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}Republic{\*\xmlclose}
{\*\xmlclose}. Collaborated with the Agency of Transformation of Business with Social Capital.
\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053 Economic commentator in "}{\field\flddirty{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053 
 HYPERLINK "http://www.novamakedonija.com.mk/" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053 {\*\datafield 
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\ltrch \cs15\ul\cf2\charrsid8276053 Nova Makedonija}}}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053 ", "}{\field\flddirty{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053  HYPERLINK "http://www.dnevnik.com.mk/" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053 
{\*\datafield 00d0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b0200000003000000e0c9ea79f9bace118c8200aa004ba90b3600000068007400740070003a002f002f007700770077002e0064006e00650076006e0069006b002e0063006f006d002e006d006b002f000000}}}{\fldrslt {\rtlch \af0 \ltrch 
\cs15\ul\cf2\charrsid8276053 Dnevnik}}}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053 ", "Makedonija Denes", "Izvestia", "Argumenti i Fakti", "The Middle East Times", "}{\field\flddirty{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053 
 HYPERLINK "http://www.pritomnost.cz/index.php?fulltext=vaknin" }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053 {\*\datafield 
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780074003d00760061006b006e0069006e000000}}}{\fldrslt {\rtlch \af0 \ltrch \cs15\ul\cf2\charrsid8276053 The New Presence}}}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053 ", "}{\field\flddirty{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053 
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{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch ", Yedioth Aharonot, Tel-}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053 Aviv, 1997
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}{\fldrslt {\rtlch \af0 \ltrch \cs15\ul\cf2\charrsid8276053 The Exporters' Pocketbook}}}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053 ", Ministry of Trade, {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}Republic
{\*\xmlclose} of {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}Macedonia{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}, {\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}{\*\xmlopen\xmlns1{\factoidname country-region}}Skopje{\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}, 1999
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\ltrch {\*\xmlclose}{\*\xmlclose}, 1999-2006}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053 
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{\rtlch \af0 \ltrch \cs15\ul\cf2\charrsid8276053 The Narcissism Series}}}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053  }{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch (}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053 e-books regarding relationships with abusive narcissists}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch )}{
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\af0 \ltrch \cs15\ul\cf2\charrsid8276053 After the Rain \endash  How the West Lost the East}}}{\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053 ", Narcissus Publications in association with }{\field\fldedit{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053  HYPERLINK 
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\par }\pard \ltrpar\qj \li0\ri0\sl264\slmult1\widctlpar\wrapdefault\aspalpha\aspnum\faauto\adjustright\rin0\lin0\itap0 {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch \charrsid8276053 Winner of numerous awards, among them }{\field\flddirty{\*\fldinst {\rtlch \af35 \ltrch 
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\ltrch \charrsid8276053 .
\par Hundreds of professional articles in all fields of finances and the economy, and numerous articles dealing with geopolitical and political economic issues published in both print and Web periodicals in many countries.
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